Pre-Op diet and the local NEWS

Mar 13, 2012

Hi, it's been a crazy week. My pre-op dietitian supervised diet is going much better. I got a call from my surgeon offce today and they asked me if I would be willing to share my journey with the local news. They just joined forces with a Physical Therapy group to provide water therapy to bariatric patients and they want someone to share the journey. after thinking about it for a while, I decided it is a great way to keep me on track. Especially pre-op. I have had so much trouble following my pre-op diets in the past. So being filmed throughout this process will really give me the motivation to do the things I need to, to get my body ready for surgery. I go tomorrow to do my initial consult with the physical therapist. Yay! Oh and free physical therapy certainly can't hurt. I need a new bathing suit though. Not so much fun shopping at this size. I realized that I have transferred my shopping habit to my son's closet. We share a fairly large walk in closet, and 2 dressers. He has 3/4's of the closet and a dresser, plus 1 drawer in my dresser. I'm going to stock up on his clothes now so that when I lose weight I won't feel guilty shopping for myself lol! He's 8 how much could he possible need right!?!  I also love to coupon, but it's been so hard for me to get around to different stores or get from store to store for the best deals. And I REFUSE to ride in those scooters. My mom told me once, "your getting so big your going to be riding around in a Hover Round soon!" What a bitch. I have to take responsibility for my fat, for getting to the point I am now, but I feel like she dangle the carrot (donut) in my face the whole way. Of coarse she never has had much of a weight problem, so how would she understand. She's just not very nice. A few weeks ago she invited my uncle who molested me as a child to a family dinner and didn't tell me. I showed up and there he was. Wow, that was one of the worst  few weeks of my life. I thought I was going to lose it. One day I would love to just break away from her completely. I have done a great job so far, I was living with her. That was a 4 year nightmare, I feel as if I have just woken up from. This surgery is a step to me gaining complete independince. Not being able to work, I am financially dependent on her. Some days it is hard to stay positive and do whats best for me and my son. But I have to remember that I deserve this and most of all my son does. It's hard to believe, I think  there is a sort of self-hate that goes along with obesity , or at least mine. I think I have been trying to kill myself since I was 17. Not suicidal, but by doing dangerous things, abusive relationships, drinking myself into a stupor every night, drugs, and eating myself to death. If nobody else cared why should I. I can promise my son will never feel unloved a day in his life.

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