phranny19

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I haven't updated this thing since august and lots have happened. That boy drama that i thought was over and done with. Only got worse and i'm still dealing with some of it. It was a very emotional difficult time for me and I turned to my comfort...FOOD. I gained weight and stop working out. My self esteem was in the toliet from gaining weight which only made me want to eat more. I don't know how much i gained becuz i was too afraid to step on the scale. I do know is that i couldn't fit in my jeans anymore. Towards the end of December my mom sat me down and talked to me about it. I'm so grateful for her becuz she helped me get back on my diet and work out schedule. I lost the weight i gained but am still kind of disappointed in myself for letting myself go like that. If i hadn't gained weight the weight that i just recently lost could have brought me closer to my goal. It's ok tho becuz i'm working out harder the ever and my diet is more strict then ever. So I plan on losing more weight these next few months. I even got my friends pumped up and excited about losing weight. And we've been working out and pushing each other every day. Maybe soon I'll start looking into plastic surgery.

Yeah I suck at updating this thing!! LOL! Well what can I say my life has been super crazy and super stressful. I moved out of my parents house and am on my own for the first time and it's been super scary and hard but I'm enjoying it. I've had some boy drama which thank God is done and over with, work has been insane and probably the only highlight of this past month is that I'm playing softball again! I'm so happy to be at it again. It took me a while to get the hang of it again but I'm gettin there. I'm still workin out the kinks and rust. I'm playing on 3 teams right now so it's gonna be super busy once sept rolls around.

Let's see the diet has been good. I havent really lost any weight but I havent gained any which is always a plus. I've been active everyday either playing softball or hitting the gym. Yesterday I went to the gym for about 1 1/2 hours. I ran 2 miles, worked my abs, did some weight lifting. All in all it was a good day yesterday.

Hmmm I don't think there's anything else to report.

Have a good one!!

OMG It's been FOREVER since I posted anything. Man I've been SUPER busy lately. I had my one year post op with Dr. Arnold last month and he was as usual a sweet heart. He said everything was Good. I told him I was in the middle of a long stall but he told me not to really worry about it. He was happy with where I'm at and said if I lost any more weight it would be my personal preference. He thought I was perfect where I'm at... LOL!  Easy for him to say that. I jumped on the scale this morning and I lost 2lbs so it looks my stall is over. I'm still working on it tho.

I've been at a stand still. No progress since my last post. SOOOOO I decided to get back to the basics. I'm gonna be on a strict diet these next few weeks to get things jump started again. So no more carbs and no more booze!  I'm gonna be all protien, water and up my exercise. I'm not at my goal like i was hoping to be but i'm not too worried. I just wanna see some change before I see Dr Arnold next month

So I'm sitting here thinking about the usual. My weight. I'm still 40lbs from my goal weight. And I'm trying to stay focused and disciplined. Do you realize that there are thousands of online forums with millions of people who are trying to get help for this "epidemic"? People who are overweight are often categorized as lazy people who lack the discipline needed to take control of their lives. They can often be social outcast and treated as second class citizens. Taking a back seat to all the skinny beautiful people in the world. We live in a world that idolizes beauty and being thin.

I started thinking about reasons I wanted to lose weight. There are always the health reasons (which by the way I feel great!). My family has a history of Diabetes and heart disease. Gosh! My Grandpa died from a massive heart attack. I already had High blood pressure and bad cholesterol. I was going downhill fast. Not to mention it's difficult to move around as a fatter person. Now it feels great to be able to run and move my body with greater ease. Even with my improving health the vanity reasons are instantly gratifying. I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be able to walk into JUST ABOUT any store and buy clothes. It's an eye opener when I put on old shirts or pants and I see how baggy they are. The vanity reasons are much more obvious and i think the driving force of why people want to lose weight. Whether we choose to admit it or not we all want to fit in to our thin society.

I know that I struggle with insecurity when it comes to my weight and my appearance. And that insecurity has affected other parts of my life. My weight and insecurities with it are constantly on my mind. Even after losing nearly 100lbs I still look at my body and find things that I hate. As a result of my weight loss I have stretch marks on my tummy and loose skin on my arms. But even so I would never want to go back to being as heavy as I was. I started asking myself if I would ever be completely satisfied with myself even when I reach my goal weight?...Probably not. I look in the mirror and am surprised at what I see. I'm surprised at who I see. In my mind I'm still 100lbs heavier. I may be smaller or dare I say skinner than I was but in my mind I'll always be a fat girl. I will always love food. I always want more then I should have.  I'll always want to turn to food for comfort. My struggle with food won't end when I reach my goal. I will struggle with this for the rest of my life. I see my imperfections and I wonder if other people notice them too. When I first started losing weight I questioned the sincerity of people's compliments. I wonder if they really mean what they say or are they just trying to be nice. I've gotten a little better at accepting compliments from family and friends. It's still a struggle just to smile and sincerly say 'thank you'. I do appreciate all the wonderful things people have said. In a way they keep me motivated to reach the next level and they challenge my insecurities.

I look forward to the day when I have reached my goal and i can confidently walk into a room with my head held high. Knowing I'm not perfect but being happy with who I am.

Well things have been very slow as far as actual weight loss goes but I'm still happy. Especially since I went shopping the other day and was able to buy size 10 bermuda shorts and a medium top from Charollet Russe! I'm so excited!

Oh I can't remember if i posted this info last time but. I've been going to physical therapy for my knee.  It's been hurting me so bad lately. I was hoping that It would feel better after losing weight but it actually has gotten worse. I guess from all the extra activites I've been doing has made things worse. I'm hoiping to get my leg stronger so that i can avoid surgery. YIKES! I'll keep you updated

I just realized I never put a new ticker when I reached -95lbs mark so here it is.



I've been terribly sick this past week and I'm doing my best to get better. I guess it doesn't help that I went out every night this weekend. And was usually out til at least 3 am every night.

I've had trouble with grazing all day. I'll eat through out the day. I didn't even realize i was doing it until I realized that my weight loss was barely creeping along. So I had to get a handle on that ASAP! So things are back under control.

Oh a little more good news is that my size 12 jeans are starting to feel a little loose! Going down a pant size is always exciting. Also I bought my first top from Charollete Russe on friday. I was so happy to actually be able to wear something from there.

There's not much going on right now. I'm still stuck here at 190lbs. I haven't been going to the gym everyday. I've only been going every other day so i need to get back on schedule. It's been hard because my mom has been sick or out of town and she's my gym buddy. It's hard to get up and go if she's not with me. OMG what am I gonna do when I move out?!? I'm gonna have to learn to go on my own!

It is freezing here in AZ! Can you believe that it snowed here in Phx? So it's crazy cold!

Hopefully the next time i'll update I'll be out of the 190's and in the 180's.

Oh i forgot to add a new ticker but here it is:

 

After talking with my trainer we set a tenantive goal of me losing my 50 lbs by may. He wants me to at goal before school lets out. He knows how hard it is for me to keep my schedule when I'm not in school. Plus I want to be at goal by the time i go see the Doc again in June. I may just be going to Hawaii in November so I want to make sure I look good by then. Maybe I look good enough to wear a bikini...LOL! yEAH RIGHT! I don't think I would ever wear one of those, but it's nice to have the option

Ok so this has been a great month so far. A Couple days ago I lost 5 lbs (hence the new ticker below) which put me at 195lbs. But I jumped on the scale again this morning and I'm close to 190lbs! which is almost another 5 lbs! I've been really watching what I eat and am not grazing all day. Usually when I'm bored I eat and since school let out I don't have much to do after work but go home and eat. But I've been really careful and keeping myself occupied by going out with friends or hanging out with the new BF. So I have about another 12 lbs before i hit the century mark and then I'll only be 40lbs from my goal.