poohannie

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I have been meaning to post for a while, but like everyone on this site says, you get started living your new life and you do not spen as much time sitting around thinking about your circumstances. I am down 64 lbs so far and while this is good, I wish I were losing  just a bit faster and I know I probably could if I could get the water and exercise levels as good as the protein and vitamins!

I am a grateful person for sure and I am really trying to pay attention during the journey, because part of my past involved 'numbing out' during especially stressful times and afterwards I have a hard time remembering the events as they occured. That is certainly a symptom of my binge eating behaviors. Which, by the way, do not magically disappear after surgery! I have had some days where I have really gone off the farm, but I am trying to pick myself up from those 'carb fests' and get back to basics the next day. I will say this for anyone who might stumble across this page, those days in themselves may not cause a gain on the scale, but they do set you up for craving more carbs, like a fiend! If I can get off them and walk a straight line, I start losing again, plain and simple!

I do have one real moment of self-discovery that I have latched onto and that is that I can not allow who I have been to limit what I can become. For instance, I have never, and I mean never enjoyed exercise, but now with 64 lbs gone, it is easy to take a 45 min brisk walk, but the laziness in my mind is still there to keep me glued to the couch if I let it. The tapes that start running in my head say," you don't want to go do that, it is hard, you will be out of breath, you will sweat and it doesn't feel good. Just relax here." Now the reality is that I do enjoy moving around again, but I have to resist those old negative messages that are in my head, waiting to bring me down!

One thing I did to celebrate my loss so far, on vacation in June, I went parasailing to 1100ft in the air, it was AMAZING! I had a little conversation with God while I was up there in the air and it involved a promise to not waste this opportunity I gave myself, to take full advantage of the loss and to do something truly spectacular to His glory as a result. I did this when I reached roughly 40% to goal and I promised myself I would continue to do more things that I never thought I could to celebrate along the way!

One more spectacular change I have to report, that fact that when I think of celebrating, I think of events and activities as my rewards rather than going out to dinner or cooking a huge meal for family and friends. What a blessing! Cheers to everyone on their own journey today!

....since I am new to the 'bench' and just home from the hospital, I wanted to pass along a couple of things that others may find useful...

1. Have your prescriptions filled before surgery and ready for you at home when you arrive. I had surgery late on Friday afternoon and wasn't released until 6:15pm on Saturday, making it difficult to get the essential pain, acid and nausea meds with me for the first 24 hours. NOT FUN!

2. Have more variety of flavors of Isopure and protein bullets than you think you will want or need at home waiting for you. It is so true, alll the flavors you like before, may not appeal to your tastes post-surgery. 

3. If you have a sensitive stomach, and are asked to take two bottles of magnesium citrate for your surgical prep, be aware that extreme diarrhea caused by taking more than you need will leave you dehydrated in the hospital. It almost resulted in me staying another night due to lack of urine output because I was so sick from taking 2 bottles (When I am sure I only needed one).  I was really dehydrrated by the time they got to my case that day. 

Hope that gives you more to use to prepare for an uneventful event!

OUUCCHHH! This was a real fight! My surgery was on Friday, 4/4/08 I think it was delayed till 3:30pm, it was supposed to be at 1:30pm, but they wheeled me back and knocked me out at 2:00pm...so I woke up at 8:00pm dazed and generally frustrated but not sure why. My nurse was a spazz of the first order and was in general getting everyone all worked up in the after care unit. I do not tolerate Morphine well but I think she was a real crazy lady, and after I asked for my DP about 5 times, they finally gave me a phone to call my DP, who was looking all over the hospital for me and was told I would be in a room by 7:30...and by 8:45 still had not found me yet. Finally the nurse that was in charge of my care came over to me an apologized several times for acting so strangely. That episode and the fact that she kept panicking over the urine output and took out my catheter and re-inserted it in the recovery unit, all the while yelling at me to keep breathing deep breathes...just made the whole experience so strange!  This all struck me as so incredibly odd that I am not sure this wasn't part of a drug-induced hallucination!

Overall that was upsetting, and eventually they took me to a room and let me lie there all night, nad this left me paranoid that no one made me get up and walk and that this must guarantee that I would get blood clots since no one got me up to walk in the night! I was also hot and kept asking for things and the nurse never brought them, but again it could have all been the drugs, at least at this point I hope so!  The next day started out better but I kept waiting to get out of there, thinking it would be like 12:30 or 2:00 pm at latest, but they didn't turn me loose till 6:00pm, and by that time if I weren't self pay, I would have preferred to be back in bed with a fan on me and a morphine drip! 

That first night at home was truly horrible, since I did not get my pain, acid or nausea meds until the next afternoon, thanks to a rushed surgical fellow who miswrote them all in a jumble that the pharmacy couldn't fill and then he did not answer the 4 pages I sent asking for help! So it was a rough first 24 hours at home with my hunny! Drinking anything burned and was painful and if it went down in anything faster than a dribble it came back up with violent vomiting spasms. She handled it all in stride and just cleaned me up as I needed it!

By this morning (Monday) I am feeling better and like I will one day join the human race again, I am just not sure it is going to be anytime soon!

Here I am sitting in my jammies the evening before sipping on my yummy  Magnesium Citrate 'soda', waiting for it to take effect. Today was a little crazier than I would have liked, but I made it through a full day of errands and work on a clear liquid diet...ta dah! Really not liking it, but I accepted it better than I thought I could. DP is out with a friend for Happy Hour, before 24/7 care begins tomorrow! I would do the same thing!

I don't have any huge fears or major pronouncements to make, but I understand those who do! I am just sincerely looking forward to a new beginning and a new relationship with food. Now I am looking forward to the ride to get underway! Cheers!

Well, I have never been one to take the easy way into things, and with the testing week gauntlet, it almost did me in, but I have the help of some mild Xanax to keep me off the ceiling for the next week or so. That makes such a difference! Things are rolling along, I had night 2 of the sleep study last night, this time with the machine, and I think I am going to like it, so is DP, already looking forward to sleeping in the same room again! Yeah! 

I am really at a level of peace and satisfaction with the process now, and I a have simply let it all go into the hands that need to be there to take care of me! One good friend from work keeps offering to help, so I took her up on it and told her I would appreciate her being my 'broth' maker for the first 4 days I am home, I also have a great friend who gave me her left over pill crusher, liquid meds and protein supplement samples. 

DP is not great on the hospital thing, so I asked my neighbors if they would go with her to the hospital that evening, so she doesn't need to do it alone. Another good friend will stop by the day I am home to check-in on us, and I am grateful and appreciative!

In general I am feeling very well loved and nurtured right now and I just need to go ahead and let folks know I am cleared for the 4th of April.

Well, here I go, doing the twisting, fasting and shouting every day this week regarding the pre-op tests! I am starting to get nervous for spending all this money and now worrying about the added cost of any complications. Yikes! Today I go for my sleep study, tomorrow an ultrasound of my gallbladder, then I have an endoscopy on Wednesday, fitting for a CPAP on Thursday and an EKG and bloodwork on Friday. Now I am tired just describing it all!

Timeline is moving very fast and I mailed my paperwork to free up some cash for this metamorphosis, and that should be deposited into my account in two weeks. Part of me wants to jump off the train and go back to my insurance for an RNY and only pay $50 (I know, isn't that ridiculous!) But I am fighting that urge to be true to what I want and what it takes to get the weight off, and at the rate of my cash pay, each pound is going to cost roughly $124. I know I am sick for breaking it down that way, but I was curious!

WOW, I got the confirmation today, I have a confirmed date of April 4th. Now I am getting butterflies! So glad I am doing this and my DH is on day 38 of quitting smoking and we are sitting talking about the next 40 years and how we want to spend those years together. I am really excited and calm and focused all at once! MAybe my nerves are around being a SELF-PAY...that makes me cringe!

Just got a call from my chosen surgeon's office, my complicated insurance will not approve the Sleeve or any WLS under my open flexible plan, instead WLS benefit is tied to my HMO portion of my insurance...figures! So now instead of being 6 weeks away, I am more like 5 months away (due to their 6 month nutrition program that I am 2 1/2 months into as a just in case, good thing I started both processes at the same time). Oh, and the biggest worry, I can not have the procedure I want, I will have the choice of RNY or RNY...

wondering if self pay with Alvarez  is my next option...

Grateful for the smart folks who have answered my post earlier today and I am looking into an appeal... found out my surgeon's self pay rate is $18k..gulp!

Ok, only 3 lbs. but it is a start, I was seriously thinking my body was 'broken' and couldn't lose...but I started counting carbs, trying to keep it under 40 grams. Hope to be down 20lbs before surgery this spring...whenever that is...

I just had a meeting with the required insurance company nutritionist, and she pretty much ripped apart my food/fluid records from 12/07-1/25/08....these were days that I was recording eating, but not trying to be perfect dieting patient.  You should have seen her look at me over her glasses when she saw a biscuit on my records.

OK, here is where the serious venting is taking over...I swear if one more skinny ass nutritionist looks down her nose at me and says, 'Well, 1 piece of whole wheat toast should be enough for you in the morning if you add a tbsp of peanut butter and  fruit'....I'm going to go postal. 

What part of I am hungry all the time doesn't she get? Her answer to my hungry comment was met with a story of how she thinks she 'cured' another fat patient from being hungry all the time when she told her to make a berry smoothie with ice and skim milk and frozen berries...swears it cured her hunger. I think the woman actually slunk away to eat something and never came back. (OK, now I am being snarky)

I am a bit of an over-achieving nut job and have two insurance coverage options, so in case my PPO plan denies me, I have guanranteed coverage for WLS (thought it is RNY or Lap-Band) with my HMO coverage. Here is where the achieving nut takes over, I am walking through parallel processes right now in case my preferred surgeon and PPO coverage is denied, so that I don't lose any time on the HMO process since it is 6 damn months long!  

So while one day I am making appointments and satisfying requirements for one plan, then I am going the next week and satisfying the 6 month timeline of monthly visits to the HMO nutritionist which I dread. 

These HMO nutritionists are archaic, they are rude to us wanting surgery, and unfortunately we need their approval because after 6 months of pandering to these visits, they get the privilege of writing the approval letter to get me in for the HMO covered WLS. I have been as patient as can be up until today, but I am insulted and tired this afternoon and just wanted to tell her to stuff her attitude, well..you get the idea. I have rotated to three of the five nutritionists thinking that I may not 'fit' with the first, now I realize they are all hacks!

I am crossing my fingers and toes that the PPO approval comes through for my sleeve procedure before I have to subject myself to any more of this nonesense.