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          I HAVEN'T POSTED IN A VERY LONG TIME. IT'S BEEN A ROUGH AND ROTTEN 6 MONTHS SINCE MY LAST POST. DRIVING MOM BACK AND FORTH TO FIRST HER RADIATION TREATMENTS THEN WHEN THEY FINISHED DRIVING HER TO HER CHEMO TREATMENTS. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HAPPY AND GLAD I WAS TO DO THIS FOR HER. MOM HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR MY SISTER AND I, NO MATTER WHAT WE NEEDED OR WANTED. MOM ALWAYS CAME THROUGH. SO WHAT WAS A LITTLE DRIVING BACK AND FORTH TO THE DR'S OFFICE.
         MOM HAD BEEN DOING SO GOOD, FINISHED ALL OF HER TREATMENTS AROUND THE MIDDLE OF APRIL. SHE WAS DOING SO GOOD, EVEN WALKING AROUND LOEW'S HOME IMPROVEMENT STORE W/ ME ON DAY. ANOTHER DAY SHE RODE ONE OF THE SCOOTERS IN WALLMART, THE STORE BEING SO BIG. THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN MOM STARTED NOT FEELING GOOD, GETTING WEAK, NOT WANTING TO EAT, SLEEPING ALOT. I TOOK HER TO HER PCP THETHIRD WEEK OF APRIL, SHE HAD CHEST X-RAYS, AND WAS DIAGNOSED W/ PNEUMONIA. MOM'S PCP GAVE HER A SCRIPT FOR AN ANTIBIOTIC WHICH DIDN'T SEEM TO HELP.
          I'D GOTTEN INTO THE HABIT OF CALLING MOM EVERY DAY FROM WORK. THIS ONE DAY I CALLED AND DIDN'T GET A HOLD OF HER, I FIGURED SHE WAS IN THE BATHROOM AND COULDN'T GET TO THE PHONE. GAVE HER TWENTY MINUTES, STILL NO ANSWER, STARTED TO PANIC A LITTLE, AFTER THE THIRD ATTEMPT W/O SUCCESS I WAS GETTING CRAZY. ONE OF THE PHARMACISTS AT WORK CALLED HIS WIFE. WENDY DROVE OVER TO THE HOUSE AND TRIED ALL THE DOORS AND WINDOWS W/O SUCCESS. SHE FINALLY FOUND MOM'S BEDROOM AND CALLED IN THE WINDOW WE HAD LEFT OPEN, ALL WENDY COULD HEAR WAS MOM REPEATEDLY SAYING; I CAN'T, I CAN'T.  I GOT A HOLD OF MARGARET AT WORK AND SHE WENT HOME, SHE'S CLOSER THAN I AM. WHEN SHE GOT HOME MARGARET AND WENDY FOUND MOM SITTING ON THE TOILET, SHE HAD BEEN THERE FOR OVER 5 HOURS. MOM SAID SHE HAD BEEN TO WEAK TO GET UP. MARG AND WENDY WERE ABLE TO GET MOM UP AND WALK HER ALMOST ALL THE WAY TO HER BED TILL HER KNEES GAVE OUT. SHE THEN CRAWLED THE REST OF THE WAY ON HER HANDS AND KNEES TO THE BED BUT WAS TO WEAK TO STAND. THEY HAD TO CALL MY NEIGHBOR TO HELP THEM GET HER INTO BED.  EVERY TIME I  THINK OF THIS IT KILLS ME. MOM WAS ALWAYS SUCH A STRONG WOMAN AND FOR THIS TO HAPPEN WAS DEVISTATING. I SPOKE W/ ONE OF THE DR'S AT THE HOSP. I WORK IN AND HE IN TURN CALLED AND SPOKE W/ MARGE.
        MARGE CALLED 911 AND MOM WAS ADMITTED THAT DAY. SHE WAS DIAGNOSED W/ BILATERAL PNEUMONIA AND A VERY HIGH CALCIUM LEVEL WHICH INDICATED THE CANCER HAD SPREAD TO HER BONES, AFTER A CAT SCAN IT ALSO SHOWED THE CANCER HAD SPREAD TO HER LYMPH SYSTEM. AFTER THAT MOM DETERIORATED QUICKLY. ON MAY 6th SHE PASSED AWAY W/ MARGARET AND I AT HER SIDE ON THE FLOOR I WORK ON. IT WAS ONLY 10 DAYS FROM ADMISSION TO DEATH.
        IT'S BEEN SUCH A DEPRESSING TWO MONTHS, I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN. MOM WAS EVERYTHING TO US, MOTHER, FRIEND, CONFIDANT AND VERY STRONG SHOULDER TO LEAN ON. IF THERE WAS EVER A PROBLEM  WE ALWAYS KNEW MOM WAS THERE TO BOUNCE THE PROBLEM OFF OFF, GIVING US HER OPINION ON EVERYTHING, EVEN WHEN WE DIDN'T WANT OF ASK FOR IT. THAT WAS MOM AND WE LOVED HER FOR IT AND DISPITE IT. OUR LIVES ARE SO EMPTY W/O HER HERE. I FEEL LIKE A BOAT SET ADRIFT W/O ANY STEERING WANDERING AIMLESSLY IN A VAST OCEAN. SHE WAS OUR STRENGTH AND OUR RUDDER
          BECAUSE OF THIS I'VE LOST ALL MOTIVATION. I HAVEN'T WALKED FOR TWO MONTHS NOW, AT FIRST IT  WAS BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID TO LEAVE MOM AND NOW IT'S LACK OF MOTIVATION. SHE WAS MY INSPIRATION, MOM LOVED TO TIME ME, SEE HOW LONG IT TOOK TO WALK TWO AND A HALF MILES EVERY TIME I WENT OUT.
         I'VE RESLOVED TO GET BACK TO THE BASICS. START FROM SCRATCH BUT IT'S SO HARD. I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, ALTHOUGH I'M VERY INDEPENDENT I ALSO DON'T LIKE TO DO THINGS ON MY OWN. AND THE DAYS I'M OFF MARGARET ISN'T. I DID TAKE A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION TODAY, I TOOK A LITTLE WALK, NOT FAR BUT IT'S A BEGINNING, I'LL HAVE TO WORK UP TO THE 2.5mi I WAS DOING BEFORE MOM PASSED AWASY. SHE WAS SO PROUD OF ALL OF OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS, I WANT HER TO CON'T TO BE PROUD CAUSE I KNOW SHE'S WATCHING EVERYTHING WE'RE DOING. SITTING UP THERE IN HEAVEN W/ THE REST OF THE FAMILY. I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL JOIN THEM BUT I KNOW  THEY'LL ALL BE WAITING W/ OPEN ARMS WHEN THAT DAY COMES.
          

       I WENT TO MY GYN FOR A 1.5yr FOLLOW UP, YES I SAID 1.5yr. THE OFFICE NEVER SCHEDULED OR SENT A FOLLOW UP CARD FOR A 1yr FOLLOW UP AFTER HAVING A TAH/BSO DUE TO ENDOMETRIAL CANCER. I GOT ON THE SCALE AND THEIR SCALE SAID 242#, WONDERFUL, DOWN ANOTHER 4# FROM MY SURGEON FOLLOW UP.
      TODAY I TOOK MOM TO SEE HER PULMONOLOGIST. HE HAD SOME GREAT NEWS, THE TUMOR IN HER LUNG HAS SHRUNK AND IT APPEARS THERE'S A HOLLOW AREA IN THE CENTER OF THE TUMOR. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW RELEAVED THAT MAKES ME FEEL. I KNOW THIS IS NOT CURABLE BUT AT LEAST IF EVERYTHING CONTINUES ON THIS WAY WE'LL HAVE HER W/ UF FOR A WHILE LONGER, PLEASE CON'T TO PRAY FOR HER.

JAN. 22, 2007
       HAD MY 3 MONTH FOLLOW UP TODAY. HAD TO TAKE THAT CRAZY 2.5hr ONE WAY DRIVE TO CHARLESTON, S.C. TODAY. USUALLY I DON'T MIND CAUSE THE SCENERY IS NICE. TODAY? ALL I CAN SAY IS CRAP. IT RAINED THE WHOLE WAY THERE AND THE WHOLE WAY BACK.
    
      GOT THERE A LITTLE EARLY AND THEY TOOK ME RIGHT AWAY, WHAT A SUPRISE. WELL HERE'S WHERE THE FRUSTRATION BEGINS. DR. BYRNES WALKS IN, SAYS "YOU LOOK WONDERFUL, HOW DO YOU FEEL?" I TELL HIM I FEEL GREAT. NO MORE FOOT PAIN, NO MORE KNEE PAIN. HE CHECKS THE CHART, SAYS "66# WONDERFUL, THAT'S GOOD, NOT GREAT BUT GOOD." WHAT THE F_ _ _, I'VE WORKED HARD TO GET THAT WT. OFF IN 3 MONTHS AND ALL HE CAN SAY IS "GOOD"?  TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE HE THEN PROCEDES TO TELL ME THAT 66# IS AVRAGE AND BY THE NEXT 3 MONTH FOLLOW UP HE EXPECTS ME TO HAVE LOST 45#.
     
      NOW THE CLINCHER, HE ASKS IF I'M OFF ALL MY MEDS. HELL NO, AND W/ A BLOOD PRESSURE LIKE I HAD IN THE OFFICE, 186/92 I WON'T BE COMMING OFF THEM ANYTIME SOON. HERE'S THE GRAND FINALE, HE TELLS ME HE WON'T CONSIDER THE SURGERY A SUCCESS UNTIL I'M OFF ALL MY MEDS. WELL, GUESS WHAT? IF, BY MY THREE MONTH CHECK UP I'M STILL ON MY MEDS? I'M GONNA LIE AND TELL HIM< "OH YEAH, NO MORE MEDS."
FOR ALL I KNOW I COULD BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE CHRONIC HYPERTENSIVE REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY WEIGH. I'VE KNOW PEOPLE WHO WEIGH 115# AND ARE ON BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS. DAMN, SITTING HERE WRITTING THIS I CAN FEEL MY PRESSURE GOING UP.

     I TELL YOU WHAT, AFTER THAT LITTLE SPEACH I HAVE RESOLVED MYSELF TO TAKING OFF MORE THAN THE 45# HE WANTS. HOW I'LL DO IT I'M NOT SURE. I HATE TO WALK AND IF I DO ANY TYPE OF STRENUOUS EXERCISE I GET VERY SHORT OF BREATH, DID I TELL YOU I'M AN ASTHMATIC? NO, WELL I'VE BEEN ONE ALL MY LIFE AND I DON'T THINK EVEN THIS SURGERY WILL CURE THAT. WOULDN'T THAT BE WONDERFUL.

    GONNA STOP FOR NOW. HAVE TO GET TO BED. 5:00am ROLLS AROUND REALLY QUICK. I HATE GETTING UP SO EARLY FOR WORK. YOU'D THINK AFTER DOING 12hr SHIFTS FOR OVER 7yrs I'D BE USED TO IT. I MUCH PREFER TO WORK 3 - 11. I'M A NIGHT OWL AT HEART. "GOOD NIGHT MRS. CALABASH, WHERE EVER YOU ARSE".

      I'VE BEEN MEANING TO SIT DOWN AND ADD TO MY BLOG FOR DAYS NOW BUT JUST DIDN'T GET AROUND TO IT. I DECIDED TODAY TO TAKE A MINUTE OUT OF MY LAZY DAY (i'm off for 5 days) AND ADD TO THE BLOG.
     I'M STILL HAVING A DIFFICULT TIME GETTING IN MY 64oz OF FLUID A DAY BUT KNOW I'M NOT DEHYDRATED SO I'M NOT TO CONCERNED. I DO REALIZE THAT THE MORE I DRINK THE MORE I LOOSE DUE TO LIQUIDFIED FAT BEING FLUSHED OUT OF THE SYSTEM. AS I'VE SAID IN THE PAST I'M NOT CONCERNED HOW QUICKLY I LOOSE AS LONG AS I LOOSE.
       I TRIED 1/2 OF A LENDERS BLUEBERRRY BAGEL W/ CREAM CHEESE ON MONDAY. OH! BABY, DID IT TASTE WONDERFUL. I KNOW, I KNOW, TO MUCH CARBS. BUT BREAKFAST IS GETTING BORING. ALWAYS HAVING EGGS, CARNATION INSTANT BREAKFAST OR OATMEAL. I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO WILL EAT LAST NIGHT'S DINNER LEFT OVERS. I DID THAT AS A TEENAGER SO I GUESS I'VE OUT GROWN THAT ROUTE.  THE BAGEL WENT DOWN W/OUT A PROBLEM BUT HAD A STRANGE FEELING THE REST OF THE DAY. I HAD HEART PALPATATIONS ALL DAY. THE PALPATATIONS WERE NOT SO STRANGE AS I'VE HAD THEM BEFORE. WHAT WAS CONCERNING WAS THAT THEY LASTED ALL DAY. SO I GUESS I WON'T TRY ANOTHER BAGEL FOR AWHILE.

       I HAVEN'T GOTTEN ON THE SCALE SINCE LAST WEEK SO I REALLY DON'T KNOW IF I'VE LOST ANY MORE WEIGHT. I HOPE I HAVE THOUGH. 

       I GO TO SEE DR. BYRNE NEXT WEEK, JAN. 22nd. ANOTHER 2.5hr ONE WAS TRIP FOR A 5 MINUTE OFFICE VISIT. KIND OF SEEMS REDICULOUS BUT I'M COMMITED TO THIS NEW WAY OF LIFE AND ALL THE APPOINTMENTS THAT GO WITH IT. THE ONLY GOOD THING IS THAT I'LL HAVE COMPANY THIS TIME. ONE OF THE WOMEN I WORK W/, LYNN OFFERED TO GO W/ ME. 

     WHEN I REMEMBER I'VE BEEN TRACKING MY FOOD INTAKE ON "FITDAY.COM". DID I TELL YOU I'M 51yrs old? REMEMBER BRAIN FARTS. I STILL SEEM TO BE GETTING IN ALOT OF FAT ALTHOUGH I AM GETTING IN ALL OF MY PROTEIN. BUT JUST IN CASE I'VE PURCHASED SOME PROTEIN BARS. THEIR NAME IS "PURE PROTEIN", 20gms OF PROTEIN PER BAR. I BOUGHT THEM AT WALMART. ABOUT $6.00 FOR A BOX.

       TODAY I'VE HAD: BREAKFAST: 1/4 CUP OATMEAL
                                       LUCH: 1 SLICE LEAN ROAST BEEF W/ ALPINE LACE CHEESE ROLL UP. 2 SLICES OF LEAN HAM W/ THE SWISS ROLL UP AND 1 SLICE TURKEY BREAST W/ SWISS ROLL UP AND 2 BITES OF A KOSHER PICKLE (oh my god, died and gone to heaven w/ the pinkle.) IN FACT I FINISHED THE ROAST BEEF AND TURKEY BUT LEFT PART OF THE HAM ROLL UP. WILL HAVE IT LATER AS A SNACK.
                              DINNER: 3-4 FRIED(i know, not supposed to have fried) SHRIMP W/ COLESLAW. 
                           SNACK: EITHER A JELLO PUDDING OR A CARNATION INSTANT BREAKFAST. I'LL DECIDE WHEN THE TIME ARRIVES.

      MOM GOES FOR HER LAST CHEMO TX. TOMORROW. SHE'LL THEN DO FOLLOW UP CAT SCANS EVERY 3-4 MONTHS. SHE STILL FEELS TIRED BUT THAT'S EXPECTED W/ CHEMO. ONCE THE TX. STOPS HER ENERGY LEVEL SHOULD INCREASE.

     MARGARET(sister) CAME HOME FROM WORK EARLY ONE DAY LAST WEEK. SHE PASSED OUT WHILE AT LOWE'S. ONE OF THE MEN WHO WORKS THERE ACTUALLY PICKED HER OFF THE GROUND AND PUT HER IN A WHEELCHAIR. I WAS CONCERNED BECAUSE SHE WAS COMPLAINING OF ABD. PAIN. THAT HAS SINCE RESOLVED ITSELF. SHE NOW HAS CAUGHT MY UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTION. DID I TELL YOU I LIKE TO SHARE? I DO.
BUT SHE NEVER LETS ANYTHING GET HER DOWN. SHE'S LIKE THE ENERGIZER BUNNYM JUST KEEPS GOING. 

      I'VE ASKED MARGARET IF SHE HAD THOUGHT ABOUT HAVING THIS SURGERY, SHE FLAT OUT SAID "NO, NO, NO."  SHE HAS A THING ABOUT HOSP. WILL GO VISIT BUT IF SHE'S THE PT. SHE STARTS HAVING PANIC ATTACKS. I HAVE NOTICED THAT SHE IS CUTTING BACK ON HER FOOD CONSUMPTION AND I CAN SEE SHE HAS LOST SOME WEIGHT. I'M SO GLAD BECAUSE WE HAVE TO DEPEND ON EACH OTHER AS NEITHER OF US ARE MARRIED.
        
        WELL I'M STARTING TO BORE MYSELF LET ALONE EVERYONE ELSE SO I GUESS I'LL STOP HERE.

      WELL I HOPE EVERYONE HAD A WODERFUL, HAPPY HOLIDAY SEASON. I KNOW OURS HERE WERE QUIET BUT GREAT. MOM IS STILL DOING VERY GOOD CONSIDERING HER LUNG CANCER IS STAGE 3. INFACT W/ GOOD GOOD NEWS ABOUT 3 WEEKS AGO. SHE HAD  A FOLLOW UP CAT SCAN (i let our two cats walk around her and on top of her, i'm cheap, not really) AND  THE CAT SCAN SHOWS NO NEW CANCER CELLS GROWING AND IT APPEARS AS IF THE TUMOR MAY BE SHRINKING SOMEWHAT. THANK THE GOOD LORD.
      I'VE STILL BEEN DOING REALLY WELL. STILL GETTING ALL MY PROTEIN IN W/ MY FOOD. CAN'T EVEN STAND THE TOUGHT OF DRINKING THOSE SHAKES. YACK!!!. I'VE GOTTEN INTO A LITTLE TROUBLE W/ LEFT OVER TOLL HOUSE COOKIES THOUGH. I'VE BEEN EATING ABOUT 3 EVERY NIGHT I GET HOME FROM WORK. I KNOW, I KNOW, I"M MY OWN WORST ENEMY. AS SOON AS THEY'RE GONE I'LL BE GOOD AGAIN, I PROMISE. DISPITE EATING THE COOKIES I'M DOWN TO 249#. STARTING WEIGHT WAS 313. SO NOT BAD 54# IN 2.5 MOUNTHS. 
     I STILL STRUGLE TO GET MY WATER/FLUIDS IN. THANK GOODNESS THAT OUR NUT SAID WE CAN HAVE 100% FRUIT JUICE. IT'S BEEN A LIFE SAVER FOR ME AS I CAN'T STAND PLAIN WATER. I USUALLY FILL THE GLASS W/ HALF JUICE AND HALF WATER AND THAT'S GOOD. STILL GIVES YOU THE TASTE BUT NOT OVERPOWERING. 
    I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO WALK LIKE I SHOULD BECAUSE I'VE GOT A REALLY BAD UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTION AND THAT ON TOP OF BEING AN ASTHMATIC IT SUCKS. LITTERALLLY, I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE IS SITTING ON MY CHEST AND I'M ONLY ABLE TO TAKE SMALL BREATHS. SO WALKING IS OUT. I WORKED THE LAST THREE DAYS, JAN. 4,5,6 AND WALKING DOWN THE HALLS OF THE HOSPITAL WAS DISASTEROUS, I WAS GASPING LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER ONLY A 1/4 OF THE WAY  DOWN. THANK GOD FOR THE DRS. I WORK W/. ONE OF THEM WROTE PRESCRIPTIONS FOR ME W/O HAVING TO GO AND WAIT IN THE OFFICE. SO TODAY I'M TAKING IT EASY AND SITTING HERE BORING YOU ALL TO DEATH WRITTING THIS. THAT'S ALRIGHT THOUGH IF I'M BORING YOU, THIS IS MY BLOG AND I WRITE WHAT I FEEL AND THINK, SELFISH OF ME ISN'T IT? NOT REALLY, JUST SELF INDULGENT. HA, HA, HA.
 I'M STOPING FOR NOW, I'M STARTING TO BORE MYSELF.
     I'LL WRITE AGAIN AFTER I SEE DR. BYRNE ON JAN. 21st. ANOTHER 2.5 hr  ONE WAY TRIP FOR A 5 MIN. VISIT. OH WELL, AT LEAST I'LL BE IN CHARLESTON AND CAN DO SOME SHOPPING .

    WELL IT'S ALMOST CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN AND IT'S SO WEIRD STILL, AFTER LIVING HERE IN THE SOUTH FOR ELEVEN YEARS AND HAVING SEVENTY DEGREE WEATHER. I MISS THE COLD AND SNOW AT THIS TIME OF YEAR.
    I'VE BEEN VERY GOOD AT GETTING IN MY PROTEIN W/ WHAT I EAT. ex: CHICKEN, EGGS, PORK LOIN, SHRIMP etc . . . . WHICH IS A GOOD THING SINCE I CAN'T STOMACH (literally) ANY OF THE PROTEIN SHAKES I'VE TRIED. I'VE BEEN TAKING "VISTA VITAMINS" FROM THE VERY BEGINNING (when i remember) DID I TELL YOU I'M 51 YRS OLD AND STARTING TO GET BRAIN FARTS?  I'M TERIBLE WHEN IT COMES TO REMEMBER TO TAKE MY PILLS. NOT ONLY THE VITAMINS BUT MY ASTHAMA AND HYPERTENSION MEDS.
      WELL  I DON'T OBSESS W/ THE SCALE. I VERY RARELY GET ON IT BUT I KNOW I'M LOSING, MAYBE NOT IN POUNDS BUT IN INCHES BECAUSE MY CLOTHES ARE ALL GETTING LOOSE. INFACT SOME OF MY FELLOW CO-WORKERS SUGGEST I GET SOME NEW SCRUBS, I'VE BEEN TOLD THE TOPS ARE STARTING TO LOOK LIKE DRESSES. DRESSES? ME? NEVER WEAR THEM AND NEVER WILL. I COULD GET BACK TO MY IDEAL WT (125) DON'T I WISH, AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME IN A DRESS.
    MOM HAS FINISHED W/ HER RADIATION TX AND HAS BEEN GOING FOR CHEMO ONCE A WEEK FOR 3 HOURS. SHE'S BEEN DOING PRETTY GO. HAS BEEN UNABLE TO GET A COUPLE OF TX DUE TO LOW WBC'S OR HGB/HCT AND THAT GETS HER DOWN, BUT THISISTO BE EXPECTED AS CHEMO KILLS THE GOOD CELLS AS WELL AS THE BAD CELLS. 
      BOTH MOM AND MY SISTER AS WELL AS ALL MY CO-WORKERS HAS BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE IN THIS NEW JOURNEY I'VE UNDER TAKEN. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME. I JUST WISH THERE'S MORE I COULD DO FOR MOM.
 

     HAD MY FIRST POST-OP FOLLOW UP W/ DR. BYRNE TODAY. TOOK THE 2.5 HOUR RIDE TO CHARLESTON TODAY BY MYSELF. MOM WANTED TO COME TO KEEP ME COMPANY BUT W/ HER RADIATION TREATMENTS MAKING HER TIRED I MADE HER STAY HOME. 
     DID I MENTION WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DRIVE FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS AFTER SURGERY? NO? WELL CALL ME A BAD GIRL. I DID IT, I DROVE TO CHARLESTON BY MYSELF. THERE I SAID IT. SO BEAT ME. PLEASE !!!!
       WELL SAW DR. BYRNE, WHEN HE WALKED INTO THE EXAM ROOM I WAS STANDING UP W/ BY BACK TO THE DOOR AND LOOKING AT THE BEAUTIFUL VIEW OF THE RIVER. I WAS ROCKING BACK AND FORTH, NOT FROM PAIN BUT BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I ALWAYS DO WHEN I'M STANDING STILL SOMEWHERE. DON'T ASK ME WHY, I'VE ALWAYS DONE THIS. CRAZY YANKEE THAT I AM.
      DR. BRYNE TOOK ONE LOOK AT ME AND ASKED ME " ARE YOU SURE YOU HAD SURGERY LAST WEEK? YOU LOOK GREAT! "I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THE SAME THING", I SAID, IF I DIDN'T HAVE THIS DRAIN I'D THINK I'D NEVER HAD SURGERY. I FEEL GREAT.
       WELL HE TOOK OUT THE DRAIN. IT REALLY DIDN'T HURT JUST HAD A WEIRD FEELING WHILE PULLING IT OUT. LIKE THERE WAS A WORM SQUIRMING AROUND IN THE ABD. ONCE THE DRAIN WAS OUT IT WAS LIKE GOING BACK TO MY OLD SELF. DR. BYRNE ASKED HOW I GOT TO THE CLINIC AND I TOLD HIM IN A CAR, WHY? HE LAUGHED, NO WHO DROVE YOU? NO ONE I SAID, I DROVE MYSELF. HE JUST SHOOK HIS HEAD AND SAID "YOU NURSES ARE ALL ALIKE."
       BACK IN THE CAR AND ANOTHER 2.5 HOUR DRIVE HOME. WHAT A BITCH. IF HE WASN'T SUCH A GREAT SURGEON I WOULDN'T BE DRIVING THAT FAR FOR SUCH A SHORT VISIT.

   WELL TODAY IS "S" DAY, SURGERY DAY. MY MOTHER HAD ORIGINALLY PLANED TO GO W/ ME TO THE HOSP. BUT SINCE BEING DIAGNOSED W/ LUNG CANCER THAT WAS PUT ON THE BACK BURNER. 

    A WONDERFUL CO-WORKER, WHO HAS THREE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS OFFERED TO GO WITH ME TO THE HOSP. I HESITATED ON ACCEPTING HER OFFER AS I DIDN'T WANT TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM HER HUSBAND AND CHILDREN. I HAD THOUGHT THAT MY SISTER MIGHT GO BUT AGAIN W/ MOM BEING SICK WE DECIDED SHE (my sister Margaret) SHOULD STAY HOME W/ MOM. SO RELUCTANTLY I TOOK UP CARLA ON HER OFFER.

    THE HOSP AND SURGEON MY DR. AND I HAD CHOSEN WAS TWO AND A HALF HOURS AWAY SO WE LEFT THE NIGHT BEFORE AND STAYED IN A HOTEL AS SURGERY WAS SCHEDULED FOR 0730am.

      THIS IS SOMETHING I SHOULD HAVE DONE YEARS AGO BUT PROCRASTINATED FOR YEARS. I BELIEVE GOD HAD DECIDED THE TIME WAS RIGHT AT THIS TIME. THIS WAY I COULD BE HOME W/ MOM WHILE I RECOOP AND SHE (mom) STARTS RADIATION AND CHEMO.

        WELL, THE DRIVE DOWN WAS UNEVENTFUL AND CARLA KEPT MY MIND OCCUPIED W/ OTHER THINGS THAN THE SURGERY WHICH WAS GREAT.

         UPON ARRIVAL TO THE HOSP, MEDICAL UNIVERCITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA WE GOT TOTALLY LOST TRYING TO FIND THE SURGERY ADMISSIONS OFFICE. ONLY TO ARRIVE BACK AT THE FRONT DOOR AFTER THIRTY MINUTES OF WANDERING THE HALLS. ADDMISSIONS WENT W/O A HITCH. ARRIVE IN PRE-SURGICAL, MET THE PERI-OP NURSE, GOT MY IV STARTED BY AN ANESTHESIA RESIDENT WHO WAS VERY PROFICIANT IN HER SKILL, AND LORD, THE HEAD OF ANESTHESIA WAS WATCHING OVER HER AND I LOST ALL THOUGHT OF WHAT WAS GOING ON BECAUSE HE WAS A BEAUTIFUL MAN.

       GOT INTO THE OR AT 0745 AND I THOUGHT " DO I REALLY WANT TO DO THIS? IS THIS THE RIGHT THING TO DO? THEN IT WAS LIGHTS OUT AND NO LOOKING BACK.

       THE NEXT THING I KNOW I'M IN RECOVERY AND THERE'S CARLA SITTING AT MY BESIDE TELLING ME DR. BYRNE (surgeon) SAID EVERYTHING WENT WELL. IN MY HEAD I KEPT THINKING " WHAT DID I DO? WHY DID I DO THIS? I WANT TO GO BACK AND GET MY OLD STOMACH BACK." NO CAN DO STUPID.
        
      THE SURGERY TOOK A TOTAL OF TWO HOURS DUE TO THE SURGEON HAVING TO REDUCE ADHESIONS FROMMY OLD GALLBLADDER (1988) AND HYSTERECTOMY (2005) SURGERIES.
      I ARRIVED IN MY HOSP. ROOM AROUND 4:00, HAD TO WAIT FOR IT TO BE CLEANED. GOT VERY COMFORTABLE AND WENT TO SLEEP TILL AROUND 7:00. I HAD A PCA (pt. controled anagesia(pain med)) HIT IT ONCE THEN GOT UP AND SAT IN THE CHAIR. AFTER ABOUT AN HOUR I DECIDED I NEEDED TO TAKE A WALK AND STARTED TO AMBLE DOWN THE HOSP. HALL W/O ASSISTANCE. DID I MENTION I'M A THICK HEADED SOUTHERN TRANSPLANTED YANKEE ? I GUESS NOT. WELL I AM, THERE I SAID IT. THICK HEADED.

    WHEN I GOT TO THE NURSE'S STATION I OVER HEARD ONE NURSE SAY TO THE OTHER, PSSST LOOK UP. LIKE THERE WAS AN ALIEN STANDING THERE INSTEAD OF A PT. WE NURSES ALWAY THINK THE PTS. CAN'T HEAR WHAT WE, THE NURSES WISPER.

      THE NURSE THEN PROCEDED TO WALK WE DOWN THE HALL AND BACK TO MY ROOM. I GUESS SHE FIGURED I WAS 50 YEARS OLD AND I COULD EASILY LOOSE MY WAY, NOT!

       OCT. 14th POST-OP DAY ONE. I HAD AND UNEVENTFUL NIGHT, SLEPT THE NIGHT THROUGH. HAD VERY LITTLE PAIN SO I DIDN'T USE THE PCA. GOT THE "WONDERFUL" FOLEY CATHETER OUT, PRAISE THE LORD AND WAS ABLE TO AMBULATE W/O MY YELLOW LIQUID PURSE.
  
      WENT TO RADIOLOGY FOR BARIUM SWALLOW TEST TO CHECK FOR LEAKS. OH BABY! DID I MAKE A BIG MISTAKE. I TOOK A NORMAL SIZE SIP OF THE BARIUM, WELL THE NEW BABY STOMACH DECIDED I'M STUPID AND SENT THE BARIUM BACK UP TO ME FOR A SECOND CHANCE. WHICH I TOOK AND DIDN'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE. I PASSED. THANK THE GOOD LORD.

     WHEN I GOT BACK TO MY ROOM THERE WAS A BEAUTIFUL FLORAL ARRANGMENT FOR TWO OF THE DOCTORS AND THEIR STAFF I WORK W/ AT THE HOSP. NEXT CAME ANOTHER CO-WORKER W/ A BEAUTIFUL POTTED PLANT FROM THE OTHER NURSES I WORK WITH. DID I TELL YOU I'M A NEONATAL NURSE IN A SMALL RURAL COMMUNITY HOSP.? NO? HOW CARELESS OF ME. SORRY, IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

    LATER IN THE DAY THE DIETARY STAFF BROUGHT IN LUCH, 3 - 3 OUNCE CUPS OF GRAPE JUICE AND 3 - 3 OUNCES OF APPLE JUICE. LET ME TELL YOU, NOTHING HAD EVER TASTED BETTER THAN THOSE CUPS OF JUICE.

   OCT. 15th DAY OF DISCHARGE.
DR. BRYNE IS OFF TODAY SO ONE OF HIS ASSOCIATES CAME AND GAVE ME MY WALKING PAPERS  THIS MORNING. WELL, CARLA, MY SAYVIOR TRAVELED BACK TO CHARLESTON, 2.5 hrs W/ HER HUSBAND RANDY TO PICK ME UP. I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO HER AND RANDY.