essence –noun 1.the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features.

 I named this blog “The Essence Of Maryellen” because I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of subjects, and what I write is REAL.  In other words, you’re reading the true essence of who I am and what I believe. Of course, I reserve the right to change my mind, because I’m a woman, but mostly because I am evolving and learning as a person. I’m sure you won’t always agree with me, and that’s okay. I want to hear your thoughts — as long as you’re respectful.

So, with that explanation aside, I think I’ll start with something really big. Probably the most important thing in my life, because it drives my thoughts and actions constantly, and has since July of 2006. That is when I had weight loss surgery (WLS) and got a second chance at life. As part of my recovery, I began attending hospital-sponsored support group meetings for post-operative patients. I am so grateful for their existence, because they helped me learn the importance of nutrition and I gained insight into what would happen to me physically, as I progressed with my recovery.

These meetings were vital to my journey, but…I needed more. I needed more than PHYSICAL SUPPORT; I needed EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.

You’ve heard the expression, “The surgeon fixed my body but not my brain.” Truer words were never spoken! Like everyone, I went through my honeymoon period and, for the most part, couldn’t have been more pleased as the pounds just melted away. I followed my recommended food intake, kept journals and even exercised. Yep, I found the secret! Lose the weight and everything would be better! Problems all resolved! Shopping was more fun, sex was better, and people complimented me on my new look. PERFECTLY TRUE…for the most part…

But…then I watched as post-ops around me LOST jealous friends, and GAINED jealous spouses. They developed a new attitude: “Hey I deserve to be happy – as happy as I can possibly be – and I won’t let anything or anyone stand in my way.”

Well…there is some truth in that newfound attitude, except how do we deal with the attendant issues?

Trust me, NO ONE at the hospital talked about this sort of stuff in pre-surgery meetings, and we didn’t discuss it at the support group meetings at the hospital. Basically, we were not properly prepared for these scary and unexpected issues. Who could we talk to? Who would understand? Unless we are fortunate enough to have a strong base of support, these issues can cause a tremendous amount of STRESS! After all, many of us were used to handling our stress by consuming “comfort” foods… ice cream, potato chips, whoppers with cheese, candy bars and so on. But, as bariatric patients, what can we do in the absence of these forbidden “fruits”? Sadly, some people develop cross addictions to alleviate the stress and start abusing alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping or going back to old eating habits. In my experience, no one gave me acceptable tools to handle these issues, and I desperately needed a structure of “aftercare” to help me deal with the new stress.

For some, the needed support comes from psychologists and/or psychiatrists, clergy, family, friends or a wide selection of others. In my case, I felt that a peer group of fellow weight loss patients could be the answer so, a little over four years ago, I formed a supplemental support group in Suffolk County and named it “LIPO” (Long Island Post Ops). I didn’t do this to supplant the surgeon or hospital meetings; I did it to supplement them. We had eight members at our first meeting and we took off from there. This winter (January 2011) we launched our second LIPO group to accommodate those that were commuting from Nassau County. Each meeting has attendance from 30 -50 attendees and we discuss our successes and failures. We offer non-medical support. We have a minimum of a monthly physical activity that includes, dancing, ice skating, roller skating, 5k run/walks, sunset walks along the bay, bicycle rides and more. We also plan periodic “social” events like family picnics and dinner dances…. Perhaps more importantly: We have become a community – a community that understands, commiserates, and relates! Our guest speakers are prescreened and have included nutritionists, fitness trainers, motivational speakers, and life counselors. The meetings are giving us healthy NEW habits to cope with our stressful new lives.

I am not so naïve to believe that LIPO, or similar groups, are the only answer to the need of post surgery support, but it fills a “need” for some, and the success of LIPO has become one of my life’s proudest accomplishments. I have been able to find “like minded” individuals to become my co-leaders and subsequently developed life-long friendships with members of our groups.

I’ll leave you with this: Whether you choose to interact with a medical professional, friends or family, one thing is certain: A system of aftercare is absolutely paramount to your long-term weight loss surgery success, and if you’re not involved with a group, I encourage you to find one and join in. You’ll be happy you did.

(((Hugs)))

Maryellen