raggettyjoanne

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I was diagnosied with Cushings may the 24th, 2009...I dont know..how I feel about it all..full of tears at all I have lost..wondering what the future will hold when it is treated..wondering if I am strong enough to endure the surgery to remove the left adrenal gland..wanting to tell doctors..dam check your overweight patients..
angry..happy..sad..on a bridge and dont know what will be there when I cross it..
and if I am strong enough to cross it..

Taking some time to figure out what this blog is all about! Sometimes I feel so lonely where I live. I am way up North in Rural Canada and making friends with simular things has not been possible. Would love to have a penpal, make a real friend, someone who understands..what living with morbid obesity is really like. The pain..of it...how hard it is to get good medical care, what it is like to go out in public and be stared at by everyone as though they saw you on jerry springer.
I enjoy scrapbooking, my scrapbooking blog is here! 

Making an sharing Digital Scrapbook Kits give me a sense of purpose besides being a mother and wife..and gives me a chance to share in kindness and do something still for other.
My son is my sunshine..I keep going..because of him..even though...the pain of it all somedays feel like it is all to much..somewhere inside me..is still left a faint hope that I will someday have my surgery and get some relieve from all the damage..the obesity has done to my spine..
It is my only wish.

I am currently waiting to be on the waiting list...approval for my surgery from my provincial insurance has been approved since January 2007 but the doctor is not putting people on  his waiting list until after July due to the cutbacks on or time in the summer. I am struggling to stay mobile and hopeful that this will happen...for me...
I am dealing with a lot of chronic care medical problems and chronic pain..that is exhausting me to no end. 
I hope soon to get a phone call and say hey you are officially on the list.
I wish our province would allow our doctors here to do this surgery..there are qualifed doctors..but they won't let them do it..and stopped the one who was doing it.
If I had cancer and this much pain..they would take my stomach tommorrow..but they won't approve a simple stomach stapling.
It is so wrong and such a violation of my humans rights to health care, that it is difficult for me to understand how they get away with it.
I want to go public..I want to stand up and say ..this has to stop...I want people to know that fat people get sick to..and that we die because of disrespect and misconceptions about our conditions and negative attitudes of doctors who believe your only problem is non compliance which in my opinion..is writing you of as I am not willing to do more and explore more what is wrong with this patient..that attitude..left me with undignosed mixed sleep apnea  for over nine years in which I gained over 85 pounds from the lack of energy and being asleep..
Undiagnosied sleep apnea..in my pregnancy also I believe caused my only child to be born with cerebral palsy..
and now..after all of this..I still  cannot get back my life...because I am waiting for my surgery to help me..
I try..to do what I can..I push..and push myself..but the pain overrides.my body to the extent..that it is unbearable ..at times..
but what matter  most is my little boy..and not being able to do what I want to do for him..that makes me cry.