ravendawn98

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well i lost down to 137 and have gained back to 152 trying to lose but its hard i can eat a lot and i almost never dump. this is a long and hard journey and sometimes i wonder if its worth it then i look in the mirror and know it is i jus have to work harder. Im startng therapy to try and help me with my food addiction the worst thing is that they can operate on your body but not your head.

things are going good i'm down to 167 from 225 i'm looking better i can't tell a difference in the last 2 months but i've lost like 20 lbs so maybe i will one day. I still think i'm fat lmao i'm in a size 12 i remember telling myself if i get to a 14 iu'll be happy well no i'm not I want to be smaller. I want to get back in to that skirt i wore i the army. Don't know if that will ever happen but thats what I want. I think having 4 kids made my hips much larger hahah. I feel like i'm not that big in the front but i still feel very wide haha. NO complication so far lets hope it keeps up. Ohh yea my hair is starting to fall out yuck

well its been a week exactly since i had surgery i seem to be doing well that first few days was hell truley and then monday i hated that drain tube so bad i cried all day  but its all getting better and friday is right around the corner to get the thing out. i really want some real food all this pudding and jello and shakes makes me sick now. But its all worth it i started a week ago at 219 now i'm already down to 207 wow in a week its crazy.

i forgot to add the date 01/09/08

Well I've been using this site for a month to gather info and now I have a date. So i thought I'd set this up now. So I added what hopefully will be a before pic and can't wait to add a after lol.I'm excited but very scared at the same time. Worried about dieing I know the odds are very low but still you never know and I am scared not for me but for my kids if anything happened to me. I know without the surgery I will be here for them for a long while not happy thou and in pain a lot. But I know that with the surgery i will be setting a great example for them and will be fit and be able to go on walks and play with them now the pain in my knees is so bad i hate to get up and down and  i'll end up like both my parent dead from heart attack stroke and diabetes before i get to see my grandkids. Heck I could get run over tomorrow and be gone right. So I'm doing it before i get bigger and have a higher risk. so thats whats going thru my mind right now. i want to do well and be a sucess story and need all the help i can get for that