remembrtherain
When I was younger, I was a thin kid. I was active. I did gymnastics and danced 3 times a week. I played outside with my friends and I went to summer camp. Normal kid. Around 4th grade, the gymnastics program at my school disbanded. I was out of a morning of exercise routine. Then, in 5th grade, I switched dancing 3 times a week for swimming once a week. Things went down hill from there.
After 6th grade, I was heavy. Overweight is the proper term. I moved states that summer. I started a new school at a vunerable age, already feeling my self esteem sink lower and lower. I basically watched that go right down the toilet. By 9th grade, I was obese. I'm tall for a girl, so, I could carry my weight. I knew how to dress (for the most part) and I knew that people stared--there was no way around it. I learned to be the funny kid. Make a joke, be "that kid" and they won't care so much about what you look like. So, that became who I was.
I always thought it was funny because in middle school and high school, everyone tells you to be who you are and you'll find friends and you'll find your place in the world....They never really mentioned what to do if you weren't that fond of who you were. I tried to be everyone else but me. I wanted people to see past my looks and see ME. The inside.
Anyhoo, flash foward a few years, I have a bachleors degree under my belt and one semester of grad school down. But, of course, everyone has a breaking point. Mine was the telltale fitting-room-meltdown. Yep. It was an adventerous day for me, going shopping, picking out pants to try on (why do pants SUCK to try on?!). I was feeling good about myself and so, I was picking my size and some of the size right below mine. Why not? Into the fitting room I went. One pair, too tight at the thighs. Two pair, couldn't get them over my butt. Three pair, who am I kidding. Four pair, why did I even come here today? Five pair, Lindsey, what were you thinking?? Six pair, get me out of here. A bit of a panic attack and scrambling to get things back on hangers later, I ended up cursing myself and what I had become. I wasn't happy, I realized that I never would be happy enough and I learned that no matter what I tried, things couldn't get better without help.
Flash forward. Today. Well, this week coming up. I have a meeting with my surgeon. I want it to happen now. In 5 minutes. downstairs. I'm that anxious. Being a college student, I am hoping to have my surgery over spring break. I feel like this will give me adequate time to adjust and, having only one class a day, things wouldn't be so hard on me. But my problem is, spring break is the 19th-27th of March. Will that be enough time to get pre-op stuff done, and get myself ready? These are things I'm stressing over....on top of schoolwork. haha.
I am hoping for the VSG surgery and I am looking for some UCSF and/or VSG surgery friends. :)
