RRainey

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Well, it has been almost two weeks since I had the surgery.  Before surgery, I lost about ten pounds on that torturous liquid diet; after surgery I lost almost 12 pounds, mostly because I did not want to eat anything on the account that the smell of food made me want to vomit! But now, I'm back to eating regular food (the healthy kind) and I find myself jumping for joy every time I feel that tight feeling in the middle of my chest. Due to my paranoia nature however, I find myself wondering if I will need a fill less then six weeks. Is it bad that I find myself eating a little more then half of a lean cuisine? Either way, I suppose that's better then eating three lean cuisines in one sitting while yelling at the TV screen saying that Ross and Rachel should be together. Speaking of that, now that it is impossible to continued my eating hobby, now I must find something else to do with my time. As I failed to mention, I'm 20 and a college student. (Yes, despite my many grammar flaws, I' am studying to be an English Professor. Better lock up your kids!) No job yet, but still looking. (maybe I'll work at Lane Bryant, I mean, I'll need new clothes soon and discounts are ALWAYS GOOD) I've been big most my life, biggest was at 249 lbs. (I almost cried that day) But I'm happy to say that before liquid diet and surgery I was 240 and now I'm 218. My reason for having this surgery was to become SEXY. Yes, I know that seems vain and shallow (wait- those words mean the same thing right?) but hear me out. While I don't have any stories of people making fat jokes at me through high school,(although I do have some fun ones from elementary) thorough out high school I was never asked out on a date or flirted with, or the girl who receive catcalls or any of that stuff. For god sakes, I did not go on a date until I was 19, and GOD!!! was that a disaster. For personal reasons, I will not go in to detail on that.  I'm always told by women and men alike that I have a gorgeous face, and that is okay, but I never have been seen as a sexy woman, but as cute girl. Not trying to sound like these valley girls but... HELLO?! I'm 20 years old and in college, I'll be 21 in April, I'm not a cute little girl! Anyway, I'm the girl that guys could be friends with, but not someone who they can date. As far as being sexy goes, there is more to it then just men. I feel it will give me confidence in myself. I'm not involve with school I much as I would like to be, and I believe it is because I'm always worried about how people will receive me. I suppose if I did not have my weight to worry about, I could then start worrying about things that really matter, (like when the next Harry Potter is going to come out? JKRrrrrrrrr.... Your loyal fans are waiting!) Well, I do suppose liking things like Harry Potter will always keep me a kid at heart. I'm young and I really haven't start living my life yet, since I going to college to prepare for all that, but I if I play my cards right, I should graduate in about a year and half and by then I should get to my weight goal: 156 lbs. I just want a fresh new me; after all, I'm not the same person I was a few years ago, so my psychical appearance should reflect that. Besides, the world is harsh and I need to be in shape to keep up. So, I suppose that is all I have to say, I will post a picture here pretty soon if I can find that f@&*^&%&^ digital camera. (Ah yes, just to warn you, I do have a bit of a gutter mouth) I will also post another blog right after my post-op, which will be the day after Christmas. (Just think, I won't be able to stuff my gut on the day when you're actually encouraged to do so) In the mean time, I will try to navigate through this site and learn about it. Please feel free to leave any comments and I would like to hear from some people my age if you're out there. BLOG you later. :P