It all started when I was 6. I went from being the slim, cute girl wearing frilly dresses to the plump girl who needed to get clothes in the "pretty plus" section of Sears. I remember at that age being humilated that my mother had to struggle to find clothes to fit my ever expanding body.
Since then, I have never been thin. By high school, I weighed over 200 pounds. In 10th grade, I was put into what felt like a special ed gym glass when I and the other fat girl in my school (yes, there were only 2 of us) were taken out of the regular gym class and forced to work out with a gym teacher. Being "the fat girl "colored my whole existence and made me socially isolated from everyone. I would drop 10 pounds at a time, only to put it back on and be mad at myself that I couldn't keep it off.
When I went off to college, I joined the fencing team and the 3-hour-a-day workouts got me down to 192 pounds. But even then, I was still the fat one of all of my friends. I was shy with boys and always felt self-conscious. When I stopped fencing, my weight climbed and no diet seemed to make any major dent in the weight. I always felt like such a failure, because I was able to succeed at every other thing I put my mind to. I have always been a majorly motivated person when it came to academics, excelling in other activities, and it frustrated me to no end that I could not get thin.
I stayed well over 200 pounds for the next several years. The only other time I was under 200 pounds in my adult life was when I was 23 years old and working out 2-3 hours a day, 5 days a week. Since having two children in the last four years, my weight steadily climbed. After my son was born six months ago, I dieted and got down to 254, a weight higher than any other non-pregnant weight I had. All of my clothes were tight and I was unwilling to buy the next bigger size. I have been so discouraged that I would never see a 1 in front of my weight again, but hearing friends talk about their successes with WLS gave me renewed hope.
My journey started in January 2009, when my mother got ill and was diagnosed with pancreatitis, which was caused by undiagnosed gallblatter disease. When I started to look at my parents, the realization hit that all of their ailments were listed in the "co-morbitites" section of the lapband brochure. I heard my mother's doctors talk about how gallstones are common with obese people and I watched my mother go in and out of the hospital for a month in severe pain. That was enough for me.
I was banded on 5/11/09 and the first three years were amazing. I went from 257 to 185 pounds and felt great! It was unbelievable to wear a 12-14 and feel like I was 20 again. I embraced my new life, but it all came to a halt when with some over aggressive tightening of the band, I found myself unable to eat well. Even with loosening and then unfilling completely, I still can't eat regular, healthy food predictably. My revision surgeon tells me that it is called esophageal dysmotility, and it unfortunately common with long term use of the band. Wish I knew that before.
I am battling with my insurance company now, who are willing to pay for the removal but want me to become morbidly obese again before paying for the sleeve. Ridiculous. But as a lawyer who also advocates for two children on the autism spectrum, I don't give up easily. Can't wait to get my sleeve and resume my journey to a healthier me!
