ruthfleming11
Well today is a sad day . Seven years ago i was doing great with my journey an i was staying strong ..Then in the last year i have done nothing but go down hill .I have regained wieght an it has me seriously depressed .I not looking for excuses i know i am to blame i am haveing trouble getting back on track .reset up my work out room yet only step in it for few min off an on ..I have plenty of things that have help me to regain it an i so want to get my head out of this mess .I tok over my moms care when she got terminal cancer 2 years ago .Slowly but surely i was inside more then out .Moms was bed ridden at the end an i was chair ridden right at her side till her last breath.This was the time i regained fifty pounds of my wieght .now she has past seven months now but i find myself in the same mode .Sitting in the house going out rarley .I know i am depressed an i refuse to be on the head meds .I have so much on my shoulders now .I am going to be out of the state for legal matters in my past which will put me in hotels in may ,june ,an july this year .I cant gain anymore wieght i am so feeling the pounds back my knees hurting again everyday ,my back .so walking is become a stuggle again .even with the wieght loss i was walking daily ..Now i cant get to the corner of my street without to turn back to the house .I am so sad ...i can cry at the simplest things ,looking in to the mirrior ,stepping on the scale .button my pants in the morning ) : .I was orginally size 38 womans pants .Got down to size 18.yesterday i went to get a new pair an i went back up to a size 20 pants .I talk about what is happening an everyone around me just encourage me to love myself no matter what size .Uggh i want to scream ! EVERYONE in my life that wants to spend time with me at meal times yesterday alone offers for three meals by different people ..But i didnt have a problem to say no thank you .But then 8 pm im in the kitchen eatting .Just want to empty the cabinet an frig so nothing is there for me to eat .But reality i know thats not the answer ..I need self control back .I am single live alone so easy to go get something even if it isnt in the house sad .53years old an i am lossing control .My healthy friends try but come on really a person wieghing only 100 pounds an twenty years younger. then me well i am a joke to go out an get excersise with them i cant keep up an feel more depressed ..stuck an sad ! need a miracle again .gym wont work i can afford it an i have everything the ymca has without to pay right here at home .Feel like crap look like crap my life sucks right now ) : praying the lord gives me strenght .can you get the bypass again ? i did great after an let everyone else an everything else come between me an my goals ..Feeling sick of myself in glens falls ny ) :
