SameButDifferent
I began this journey weighing 349 lbs at a height of 5'4'' wearing shirt size 30/32 and pant size 26/28, bra 48D, 11ww shoe with a BMI of 59.9
18 months later I weigh 164 lbs, wear a medium or large in tops (I even buy some juniors xl or size 13 jeans!!) and a size 12 misses pants, 38c bra, size 9 1/2 m shoe with BMI of 28.2
Too cool!! =)~
4/19/04
I have been reading many of the great profiles and they have given me much inspiration so I thought I would add something about myself. Im nervous and have a zillion emotions...I filled out and sent in all the paper work the surgeon sent me. I got my consultation appt for May 11th....**happy** I feel this is what I have to do. I dont have hope for the whole diet alone thing...again....I read today that MO people have 95% failure rate at diets! I believe it...certainly my track records is indicative of that number.
I started 'chunkin up' early on..about age 7 or 8. I went to WW camp for 3 years when I was 8, 9, 10 and lost 40 lbs each summer only to gain it back quickly once school started again. Over the years there have been many diets. Among them were Opti-fast, Slim-Fast, Phen-Fen, Richard Simmons Deal A Meal, Jenny Craig just to name a few....sigh..If I had a nickel for all the times I've heard "you have such a pretty face"..grrrrr.
4/28/04
Today after speaking to the psychologist for approval, I though about being fat. I have always been fat. My whole life. He asked many questions that made me think. I realized that I had blocked out all of the teasing I experienced as a kid. I was really teased alot in school. So much so that it led to my dropping out of school on the day of my 16th bday. I always thought I hated school but I see now that what I hated was the teasing. After leaving high school I waited 8 years before going to college. I am now, at 36 years old, in my 1st semester of an MBA program. There isnt teasing in college. Weird how you are living something but totally oblivious about what is really happening in your life. It bothers me that I am this age and doing things that I wish had been done as a much younger person. Being fat made it so that I have a GED and not a real diploma. Being fat changed the whole path of my life. I could have done so much more with my education and profession. It sucks that being fat slams so many doors right in your face. Lordy, am I sounding sorry for myself? Yuck! Dr Saperstein said also that he was available for group and private counseling on weight issues and I am considering that. I am sure that there must be alot of "stuff" I could talk about in that regard. I think as I go through this journey there will be many more things that will come up for me. Seems normal enough and I am very eager to work on whatever issues I have and get past them whatever they may be. They say things happen for a reason so I guess things are as they should be....so weird..... Anyway, that it for now!!!
6/15/04
I've been thinking about the reasons that I overeat. I have never been very in touch with that. Today I saw that I eat when I'm anxious, stressed or just don't know what to do about something. Case in point: I spoke to this friend of mine earlier today. He likes me like this and he always makes me feel like a hottie as big as I am. Well, today he IMs me and asks to hang out and asks if I have had the "Carnie" yet. I was like woah that's pretty rude but he says then that he wants to make sure to hang out with me before I get it done. I asked why and he says:
"I'm not gonna get into it . It is a sick operation.
The excess skin that flaps all over is f****in gross and the post op removal of excess skin leaves ugly huge scars
In laymans terms......yuck. I'll keep my big girls thank you very much ! "
I was blown away even though I shouldn't have been. For sure I will not be looking to talk to him any time soon! LOL Yet this convo sent me on an all day eating binge. I ate till I was stuffed and then I ate some more. Later, I got it together and thought about what had happened. I realized alot about what goes on when I eat. It is so crazy. Well, like a miracle I get the call that I have a surgery date right after that! So, I am thankful today. I am praying that my decision is the right one.
6/22/04
Well, I have a date for RNY 11/3/04. But, the weirdest thing happened today. My cousin's husband had RNY 8 months ago and has lost 120 lbs. YEAHHH!!! His Dr had a very good reputation and since he was so happy with him, he was the doctor that I wanted. Well it turned out that he didnt take my insurance so he was not an option. I called them and they said they had no plans of taking my carrier. So, I found another Dr and that was that. Well, today I was just sitting at my desk and for some strange reason, I have no idea why I picked up the phone, called my cousin's Dr and asked if they took my insurance. She says YES! I was like is that something new? And she says YES! LOL I took this as a sign~ LOL So, I made a consult appt for 7/1/04! Now, this Dr does duodenal switch which I am very interested in. I don't know if my insurance covers that procedure or not but he does both. So, that is the story. Meanwhile I have alot of pre-op appts scheduled this and next month.
***deep breath***
Cardiologist 6/25
Pulmonologist 6/28
Sonogram of abdomen and Upper GI 7/7
Upper Endoscopy 7/27
7/2/04
Well, drastic lane change here! LOL I saw Dr. Roslin yesterday and it went very well.
I will be having an open BPD/DS on...now get this......JULY 27th!!!! OMG!!! That is only 3 weeks away!!!! My tests and stuff have all be rescheduled or cancelled as the tests he requires are different than the ones the other Dr needed for the RNY. Well, needless to say, I am totally excited now. It feels real to me for the 1st time. I just can't believe this will really happen. I am praying that my insurance will approve. Since they approved the RNY so quickly I am praying big time that they will allow the BPD/DS just as fast! Oh please please please??? With sugar on top??? Ok, make that Splenda! LOL
Well, that is all the updating for today!!! If you are reading this, I hope you have a great day....and, if you aren't reading this....well, you won't know the difference anyway but I still hope you have a great day! Me
7/8/04
Moving right along here....had the upper gi yesterday...that went fine but the drink was pretty gross...like chalk... Tomorrow morning I have my pre-surgical testing and bloodwork being done @ my PCP. I got a call from the Drs office yesterday to go over a few things with me about what I need to know and what meds I take etc. I am very lucky that I don't take anything but the Toradol for my period when I get these wicked cramps. I am hoping that after I lose all this weight that I will have easier periods. They have been really awful since I was like 19 and have been taking the Toradol for it all these years. I decided to rent a lift chair for when I come home from surgery. It is gonna be delivered and I will be renting it by the month. They were so ridiculously expensive to purchase and I thought when I am getting more active I wont want that around anymore. I also bought some of the things I will need when I get back home like the supplements that I will be taking for the rest of my life...and some high protein pudding and soups that are on the OK foods list.... I hope the dogs will leave me alone when I recover at home. They are chihuahuas. Love em to death but they like to jump all over me and sometimes it hurts. They are very heavy chihuahuas! LOL
TTFN!
7/19/04
Well, here I am...just 8 days to go! I have bought all of my jello and stuff and have hopefully gotten everything I will need for post-op. My bag is packed and I am ready to go! Now the waiting begins....I feel like a pregnant woman with the bag packed and waiting for contractions LOL I can't believe in a week I will be starting my new life. One of the people here and I am sorry I dont remember who it was summed it up so well when she said that "I now live at the intersection of fear and excitement." That says it all.
I feel really excited but am upset about one thing alot. One of my very dear friends is avoiding me. We were like sisters and now she is totally keeping obvious distance. While she says she isnt I totally can feel it and it truly bums me out. When I first decided to do this I dragged her kicking and screaming to a group meeting to get more information. She has been my greatest partner as far as eating out and shopping in the "fat girl" shops. We sorta have this "fat chick comraderie" if you will...anyway, after hearing the lecture she said "sign me up!" She said she was totally down to get the surgery but she never made the follow up appointments and blew the whole thing off saying it wasnt for her. That is ok, I support her in doing it or not but I expect her to be ok that I AM gonna do it. Well, for whatever reason she speaks to me and says nothing is wrong but it is so freaking obvious that there is a big issue there. I dont want to go for surgery without her!! I want her to visit me and still be my friend like we always were. I feel so bad about it but the passive aggressive crap has just gotta go. I sure hope she comes around and comes to terms wih this and all...Issues...issues....
7/21/04
I just found out that my insurance has approved my DS!!! OMG I am so relieved!!! I can't believe it! This is really gonna happen for me. I was so afraid that it would be denied that I was already researching self-pay in Brasil!! I was so afraid that I would be all ready to go and they wouldnt approve at the last minute. This feels real now....I cant believe it is gonna really happen...a chance at a normal weight for the very 1st time in my life. What a rush! I am so jazzed right now! Only 6 days to the start of my new life. Thanks Oxford for not making me put up a fight and knowing that this is medically necessary!!!! I am really crying happy tears this morning!!!
7/27/04
Well here it is! it is gonna really happen today!!! My friend called last night. She said she wasnt letting me go it alone. She says she will be at the hospital. The last 2 weeks were so hard without her but in the end she's coming through and I guess that's what's important. Better late than never, huh? So... all is a go! Second thoughts? Well, no time for those!!! I cannot believe this day is finally here. My fingers are crossed and my eyes are watery but here goes......................
8/8/04
Wow I am home and finally able to sit at the computer for a few minutes. What a time I had!! I was in the hospital for 6 days because I had a fever. The a/c in there was broken and man was it HOT!!!!! Make sure not to forget a fan whatever you do!! I am 12 days post-op today and down 17 lbs already but still very swollen from all the IV fluids! Oh it is a looooong story,,,,but I promise to start writing it all whan I can sit for a longer time. It was so painful had I had a clue how it was gonna be I know I woulda chickened out for sure! I will write more soon.
8/19/04
Well, I am not 3 weeks post-op and down 36 lbs. Very happy about that. Anyone that says this is the easy way out has no idea what they're talking about. This is the hard way. I am very grateful that I was able to get this surgery and that I now have a chance at a normal life. I believe my surgeon is highly skilled at what he does and I am glad that I chose him but unfortunatly he comes with a hospital that I feltdid not live up to it's reputation. I will tell my story here and want anyone that reads it to remember that your mileage may vary!
Where to begin?
Well, the day of my surgery I headed over to Lenox Hill Hospital. My surgery was scheduled for 10:30 and I was told to get there at 8:30 which I did. When we got there I was taken in the back to sign papers and then to get into a gown. The prep area was heated! The a/c was broken and kicking out heat! It was a bummer on a 90 degree summer day! Well, the DR was delayed due to an emergency surgery and mine didn't get going until after 1pm! So all that waiting was hard and I was getting anxious. Finally they came for me. I left my family in the waiting area and was led into another area where an anesthesiologist spoke to me about what they would be giving me to knock me out. Then a few different nurses, vital signs, blood, etc., were taken and I was given a hairnet and led to the OR. My file said OR # 1. I was walked past many other OR doors and man it was creeeepy! I imagined being wheeled in and knocked out but that isn't how they do it. As I walked past al of the OR doors and down halls with strange looking medical tools what came to my head was only Psalm 23:4 -Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Why this is what came to me I don't know but it was all that was in my mind at that moment. Finally we reached the door to OR#1 and the nurse pushed it open and I was led inside. What I saw was a strange type of bed. It had arms and legs on it. There was a long table against the wall and 3 -4 people all covered in masks and fabric had their backs to me. The nurse said "Everyone, this is Margie, she is our patient today." They all turned around and said in unison "Hi Margie!" It was so weird!!!!!! Then I was told to get up on the table and my arms and legs were spread out on it and they got right to work strapping me in and getting IVs running. I just closed my eyes and prayed. I didn't want to look around cause I was so scared I would get up and run out but I was already strapped in! Finally I felt a warm feeling and that was all she wrote until later when I woke up for a second and saw my family being led out of the room. That was like a split second and I was out again until I was being wheeled into my room. I woke up moaning and groaning in terrible pain. I was totally out of it and everything was different than before. Oh I had no idea it would be so uncomfortable. The pain was mind-bending. I moaned and groaned and finally a nurse came and says "Are you in pain?" Well, DUH!!! Hell yea I am in pain!!! I had a PCP which contained Dilaudid. When I had surgery in 99 my PCP had morphine. I totally think morphine is better. The pain management was not as good as I thought it should be. I wasn't in nearly as much pain with my other surgery and I think it had to do with the pain killers they used there.
Anyway, I made it through that awful night and the next few days were HELL! I had a fever and the a/c was broken in my room. Thank goodness I had brought a fan with me. They gave me ice packs on my shoulders and ice water. I was so hot that I was putting my face in the ice pitcher and just breathing in the air from it. To top it off, the shade in my room was broken so I sunbathed all day and at night the entire city must've seen my backside! LOL Oh well! I had a nice view of the city- the only perk! LOL
My DR came in to see me and told me that when they opened me they found 2 very large fibroid tumors in my uterus but they had no authorization to remove them! I should have had a sonogram before surgery and then they'd have gotten authorization from Oxford to take them out too. Now I am facing another surgery to remove them although he says there is a chance that they may shrink as I lose weight and hormones change. This is the exact surgery I had in 99 and at the time the OB/GYN told me that if I was older and not wanting kids that he would have been giving me a hysterectomy! I am so upset about this and the thought of another surgery is just beyond my thinking after all that I want through!
At the hospital there were 6 others I met that were having weight loss surgery and all were laproscopic bypasses. My roommate had that and left the same day as I did...she was there for just 3 days...the lap people seemed to do much better much faster but they were puking and I wasn't.....I don't regret my surgery choice. I believe that the DS is more to my liking in the long run.
I was so swollen from all the IV fluids that my ankles looked like they'd burst! All of my IVs infiltrated and had to be removed. Since I had a fever they wanted more blood and this resident came in my room at about 3am with a mission to get my blood. Well, after he collapsed 5 veins one after the other, he gave up. Finally. I asked him if he would do this to his mother and he said "No, I would get her someone that knew what they were doing." I told him to get out of my room! Next day it was more of the same with 3 more blown veins. I was miserable, had my period and getting the max they were offering for pain. One night they wouldn't let me off the most uncomfortable bed because they said my heart rate was wacky. I had black and blue across my ass from that awful bed! They really need to get some better beds in there. The bed was a torture device and finally a nurse brought me a recliner and I spent all the rest of the nights there in it. I couldn't stand that bed!
I think part of my fever was that I was so hot from not having a/c in the city summer heat but they just wanted blood! I was having trouble breathing so they sent me for a CAT scan. The tech told me he thought there was a lung infection and so I was so upset. Meanwhile I was coughing up crap that looked like the lint you clean out of your clothes dryer. UGH! Well, it turned out there was no infection but they put me on antibiotics anyway.
Over the weekend my DR's partner was doing rounds. She seemed so nice and spoke to me for a minute when her cellphone rang. She said she'd be right back and never came back! That was upsetting and again I felt uncared for there.
That night, my last night there I was so uncomfortable, hot, dirty and miserable (no one had cleaned me the entire stay)! Thank goodness for my Mom helping me to sponge off and brush my teeth. My DR cleared me for a shower but that was a joke because every nurse I asked about it said no. So, that last night there, I ripped off my heart monitor and that helped a little till the nurses came in and scolded me. She said she would have to tell my Dr. I said GOOD! Tell him!
Next morning the residents came in and wanted to talk about the monitor. I said I didn't and all I want to talk about is going home. They said I wasn't going till I had no fever for 24 hours and left. Finally later my DR came and I told him that I MUST go home. He said OK and I was smiling ear to ear! 6 days in that god forsaken hell hole was enough!! Dara who is the Bariatric nurse there is the best thing that place has going. She was a doll and the only one I was glad to see coming. She removed my 2 drains which was the weirdest feeling ever! Like worms in your belly. I got myself cleaned up with wet washcloths and got dressed to wait for Mom to come get me.
Right before Mom arrived, Dara came back and said that my blood count had dropped and they needed one more blood to release me! They told me that before! LOL Well she tried and couldn't get it. She called in another nurse who was great. She examined my arms really well and rubbed them to warm them up. They were very swollen and very bruised. Finally she got it from between my fingers. YUK! Well, I knew that this test was important- if it was bad I wasn't going home but back into the OR to repair a leak! I prayed harder than I had all along. Mom came and I told her and we prayed together. Two minutes later they came back and said the blood was good and I could go home!!! WHHHHHOOOOOOPIE!!!! I was smiling again. I could not have made it through one more night there.
8/30/04
Well, here I am at 5 weeks post-op! I was praying to push the time forward to now and here I am. The last 5 weeks were rough but I made it! It is sure true; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes I can't believe I did it. Then I eat and I know I did! The last week I am able to eat a bit more than previously. I eat every few hours but very small amounts is all I can handle. I am a light eater! ROTFLMAO!! What a concept!!
5/16/05
Well its been a while!! Life and OH posting difficulties because of my Mac computer got in the way! OH doesn't seem to like Mac very much LOL
Well it is now 9 1/2 months since the surgery and I have lost 146 lbs! I am now 203 lbs. The last time I weighed in at this weight I was 10 years old.
This is one incredible journey!! I am so blessed and so grateful and so humbled by this awesome gift. Truly a gift of life. For the first time in a very long time, I HAVE A LIFE!! And I am loving it!! I have met some incredible people on this incredible journey and somewhere along the way I met myself too!!! Life is good! All of the misery and discomfort was so so so worth it!!! I love my DS!
6/18/05
Wow I cant believe I am 11 months out from surgery! Where ever does the time go? I am now 196 lbs!!! Onederland is awesome!! I look at all my fat pics and it is so weird. Was that me? Wow! Life is so much easier now. Today I went to an exam. In the past I was so uncomfortable stuffed into the seats but today I sat there in no discomfort. Oh the joy!!! Skinny folks would never think of what we go through. Lucky them!
1/24/06
Hey where did the time go??!! I can't believe all that has happened in the last 18 months! Where to begin?
Well, I am now weighing 165 lbs which means that I've lost 184 lbs since my highest weight of 349. (Thats 736 sticks of butter!!!) Unreal. I can only call it a miracle. People don't recognize me and it has been very entertaining at times when I tell them its me! LOL
Many have asked me what happened to my friend that was supposed to have the surgery too. Well, she broke off our friendship and never had the surgery. It was obviously too uncomfortable for her to see me thin and cutting up the credit cards from Avenue, Lane Bryant, Roaman's & Catherine's- all places she and I used to frequent together. I guess it was the whole BBW thing that bonded us- with that gone, we didnt seem to have much. Stinks but she doesnt see me as the same but different, she sees someone she doesnt recognize. When she last saw me she said "Well you are a fracation of your former self- but man your ass got flat." Now it that the type of stuff I wanna hear? No. So sometimes with losing the weight we lose the people we thought were friends- maybe that s a good thing in the long run. But, ofcourse I do miss the friendship I thought we had but it wasnt real or she would still be here....o well. I guess you can see it does bother me...Im still the same!!! Just a little different!! LOL
Anyway, so I had surgery 4 months ago to fix a big incisional hernia, removed the fibroids found at the time of my DS and I also had what they called an extended abdiminoplasty...they did all they could without turning me over because it was a 10 hour surgery they didnt want to extend it longer as they thought that too risky. Anyway, after a recovery that was very different than that of the DS, I am doing well and loving my flat belly even though there is more work needed there. They removed 8 lbs of belly! The recovery was different from the DS- I guess being MO when I had the DS made it so hard but they insisted I walked those halls and got moving. With the PS it was total opposite. When I moved, walked, stood for too long I would tire out and swell like a balloon. Drs. orders were 4 hours off the feet for every hour on them. It was so hard but I feel so much better now! Amazing what we can endure!
I still have many things to work on as far as my body goes, but hey were all works in progress, right?
5/11/07
Well its been a while since Ive posted...since the last post I have had more reconstructive surgery including a full lower body lift, breast lift and brachioplasty. None of it fun, all of it painful, but worth it still to rid myself of the hanging skin of such poor quality. Amazing the horror you discover when you lose so much weight! THis was something I didnt realize going in but certainly I NEEDED to have that skin removed...I know some people choose not to go this route but for me, it was a much needed 2nd part of completing my weight loss.
7/26/07
Tomorrow will be 3 years since my weight loss surgery. I had Duodenal Switch surgery on July 27th 2004 2005 had hernia repair & extended abdominoplasty 2006 I had a lower body lift 2007 I had brachioplasty, breast lift with implants and mastopexy soon I will be going for a revision of the one breast. They will move the nipple over and repair a herniation which has caused the implant to slip out of its 'pocket'. Amazing what they can do with those flapjacks!! I am so insanely happy with my weight loss and surgery results for a variety of reasons. But, I have to remember that we have damaged ourselves to a point where even the finest surgeons cant restore us to "normal" , but the results really are amazing and the quality of live has improved ten-fold....20 even! LOL
Yes, at 3 years I am struggling with about a fluxuating 10-20 lb regain (depending on the day) but it is because I eat like the same piggie I always have but if I shut my mouth I still lose like crazy. As we have heard so many times- "they dont operate on your brain" ...unfortunately LOL There is so much that has transpired in these last 3 years and I would do it all over again to get here!
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I want to post a special thank you to all of the amazing and wonderful people that I have met on OH throughout my DS & PS journey. Each of you will always be special to me in your own unique way !!!
I guess if I can offer any advise it is this- if you are on the fence about having the DS- go for it!!! I have never ever made any choice or did anything for myself that was this empowering. Making the decision to have the DS and losing all this weight is no longer the fantasy I dreamed of my whole life- now it is my miracle reality!!! Talk about living your dreams!! For average size people this would seem silly but any one living as MO knows what this means to me- one of those if I have to explain you wouldnt understand thingys.
God Bless modern science and the miracle that is the DS.
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7/27/09
I could not let this day go by without posting something about this milestone!! 5 years since DS.....just, WOW! I cant believe its been 5 years. It seems like yesterday, yet it was a lifetime ago!! So many new and wonderful things have happened over these last few years. So many reasons to be thankful, so many incredible gifts. The last few months have brought about even more amazing changes and I have never been more eager to face the future. I will say that there were a few adjustments to my new life but really, the transition and transformation were all amazing parts of this journey!!! I would do it again if I had to..yes, there were rough patches, ...but LIVING LIFE, even on the Dark Side, gets really bright and colorful!!!
7/27/2011
Today is my 7 year anniversary of my DS.
What an incredible journey!!
I am always so amazed with my new life and just living it!!!!
7/27/2014
Amazing that 10 years has past. Looking back at this page, life is so different now. I have amazing little kids! 2 of them! And I have a wonderful man in my life. Life is so NORMAL. I love it. I Weight is something I don't think of all that much anymore even tho I have had some regain I am ok w where I am,,,I am able to eat enough to keep the protein levels up..I will say vitamins and iron and being your own Dr and educating Drs that treat you are so critical. Avoided iron infusions for the 1st 5 years but they are now needed about every 18 months even with oral iron. Taking the vites is so important. The water is also huge. I did get kidney stones which are reallllly painful! Stay hydrated! There are issues- Its a lifelong commitment to yourself. Id do it all over again!
