sandysellers

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I guess I shouldn't be supprized that my totem animal is a turtle...sea turtle...but a turtle none the less.  Put a sea turtle in the right environment and they are fast and agile.  Put them on land and they are pretty darn slow.  So goes my weight loss.  I just need to remember that this isn't a race and no real finish line.

I read about people who get out of the game when they get to their goal.  Many gain a lot of weight back.  I am really fearful of that.  This isn't easy, being accountable for what used to be automatic.  Mindless eating is my downfall...

So in this month of love letters...

Dear Body,

Wow, we have been through a lot the past year.  I have had you cut and modified.  I have asked you to do more with less.  I want you to know that you have been a trooper.  I think we like where we are headed.  I love you more each day of this journey.

Please stick with me.  We will be so much happier and healthier if we can keep this going.  I don't want the "Honeymoon" to end and not be closer to our goal.  So help me help you!

Love,

Sandy's brain

This morning the scale welcomed me to Onderland...199.0 lbs to be exact.  I wish I could share this with people...but they know that I have lost over 40 lbs, and I don't want them to do the math and know how much I weighed at the beginning of this journey.  Guilt, shame....useless emotions...but very real for me.

I am doing well.  I was hoping that I would be under 200 for Christmas.  My next personal goal is to be 185 for Valentine's Day.  It is a lofty goal.  Something to shoot for in 9 weeks.  I am just going to be good and start exercising more.  My body isn't too droopy yet.  The "girls" are pretty deflated.  Russ says that's no problem.  We can always buy new ones!!

The next couple of weeks should fly by...  Then 2011 will begin.  I still feel like I'm in my cocoon, waiting to emerge.  Caught somewhere between a catapillar and a butterfly.  I have flashes of feeling like a butterfly...but more often I am the little green worm still.......

I went to Lane Bryant yesterday because they are having their 40% off store wide.  I thought perhaps I could find a tee shirt in a 14/16 that I could wear for a while.  All of the ones in my closet are 20's or xxl.  I have been buying shirts with a nice "drape" to hide my rolls and lumps.  Hide that fat!

Now that my profile is starting to  smooth out, I thought, "I want something form fitting!".  I have one pair of jeans that hug me (love that spandex!) and so why not get a shirt?

I tried on 5 shirts at LB, and non of them were flattering.  I am not a chesty girl and I really hate that most of their tops are really low cut.  I left there feeling a little bad.

There was a Maurices next door.  They have some plus size things, so I thought, what the heck!  Long story short, I found a great clingy burnout long sleeved shirt.  It is really comfy and....it is an xl!!  Not from the plus size rack!

I wore it with my jeans and felt great all evening!  My girlfriend who I haven't seen in 10 lbs, agreed that it was perfect!

I "released" a few more things from my closet to celebrate!

I can't wait to fill bag after bag with things that no longer flatter me!

The following was a message to a gal on the forum that was having a rotten day:

I am in the same boat as you.  I was a bmi of 37.19 before my pre-op liquid diet.  My loss is soooo slow.  I am only down a total of 22 lbs.  I try so hard not to compare myself to other on the forum.  I am doing everything as prescribed.  I hit a 10 day stall that I am finally coming out of.   I do see my spare tire going down and my "back fat' going away...but why doesn't that scale move?I decided that it is okay.  I can't be impatient.  It took many years for my body to get to 241, and I guess it's okay if it takes a year to get to 140.  Perhaps my skin will keep up with the change and I won't be too droopy.  Perhaps my hair and nails won't be ravaged.  Maybe I'll have better energy.So for now I am committed to loving the woman I see in the mirror TODAY.  I can't wish away my life.  I will live everyday with gratitude.  I will cry when I need to and then press on.  I am a worthwhile person even if I am still 2x.  It is a guarantee that a 219lb person cannot maintain that weight for an extended period of time on 800 calories.  Even if those calories are 100% carbs.  (Which they aren't!)   Physiology of the body is a science.  We can tinker with the chemistry a little, but the result will be weight loss.  Now if the 800 is more balance with fat, carbs and protein, the muscles will be somewhat spared and you will feel better.  I am not on the NO carb bandwagon.  I try to limit my carbs to 60gr a day (fruit, veg and whole grains).I hope that you will forgive your body for its unwillingness to cooperate.  Don't give up.  Be honest with yourself about working  your program and eventually....hopefully sooner than later...you will be rewarded!Live today!

Just today I was at the mall buying some perfume.  When I was done, I thought I'd head down to the Apple computer store and check out the new I-pads.  It was maybe 10 yards away.  It seemed every step I took, the Apple store got farther away!  I finally got there and sat down.  I was there maybe 10 minutes.  I checked my watch and noticed I was going to have to rush to get to Jenivee's by noon to drop off the perfume.  I took about a dozen steps and my body screamed at me YOU HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING NOW!  Good Lord, I was in the mall...the one with the foodcourt that doesn't exactly offer a Friday special for new bariatric patients...so in my semi confused state, I went to Dairy Queen and managed to order a small dish of softserve icecream.  I slowly ate what seemed to be about 3 oz..  I gave it a few minutes...and the fog cleared and I was able to walk out to my car and drive without the fear that I might faint!  It was a lesson learned, let me tell you.  I have felt pretty good the rest of the day.  I had a shake at 10am and my "spell" happened about 1145.  I don't know why I almost crashed.  But I do know the feeling now!

This is my first blog after surgery.  I'm sure I haven't been through anything that other sleevers haven't already been through.  I don't want to remember the worse parts with too much clarity, so I put off recording for a couple of days.

It was a rough night, but I did manage to sleep from 2 am to 730am.  I am still on percocet.  I had some cream of mushroom soup as a midnight snack.  I only made 1/2 cup of it and had to reheat it because it took so long for me to eat it.  It did taste really good.  I think I needed something salty.  I need to try to get some healthy calories in.  They may help me to have a little more energy.

I can still feel resistance every time I swallow.  Fluid goes in, gas comes out.  The pain isn't so intense, but I sure feel my stomach opening to accept fluid from my esophagus with each swallow.  I am still doing ice chips between little sips.  I got about 58 oz of fluid in yesterday.  And I walked 1,980 steps around our neighborhood just after sunset.  Nice cool evening.  The fresh air was wonderful!

I did get some Gas-x yesterday evening and tried a couple of doses.  Jury is still out as to its effectivness.  I took one of the bariatric chewable vits yesterday.  I got a few samples from my Doc.  I know I need to get some calcium citrate.  I have been taking calcium carbonate.  I was working on getting my iron to a good level as well as my vit d.  I was really amazed that the pre-op testing showed me deficient in those.

I have been hanging out at the OH forum.  I have to be careful when I comment...those pain killers make me kind of ditsy.  I also spend some time watching old episodes of Bariactric TV.  The gals on that show crack me up.  I am learning to embrace my "Inner Freak".   

It's the morning of my surgery.  I have been awake since 5:30am.  Anyone who knows me would think this is odd.  To say I am not a morning person doesn't even begin to explain!

My morning will go fast with getting the kids ready and off to school.  My husband will leave for work in a bit.  My best girlfriend is my ride to the hospital.  She is also an X-ray tech and so won't be shocked by anything that is presented there.  She is a good gal to have in my corner.  My husband will be getting updates via text and come see me this afternoon.

I am not worried.  I am not scared.  I am ready!

May my surgeon and the OR crew be filled with healing energy today!

Less than 36 hours to go.  I am working tomorrow, so it will fly by.  I am so consumed with the thought of surgery and my life to come.  I am spending a lot of time on the forum.  I just can't get enough info and am living through the sleevers who post their stories.  I want to be prepared.  I read everything.  It has been such a help.

I am trying to keep my spirits up.  I finally had the courage to tell a few more people about this.  I hadn't even told my sister.  I sent her an e-mail about it yesterday and she called today.  She is super supportive.  I wish she lived closer...

I have been really good on my prep diet.  I learned what it felt like to skip a shake...not good at all.  I was stuck in an OR case at work and had only had a cup of milk for breakfast.  By the time I drank my shake at 1245 I was not in good shape!  I will have a backup plan in place in case it ever happens again.

I can' find a place to record my starting BMI yet, so I will do it here:  37.2  Ht 67.5  bmi today 36.0

I recruited a couple of cheerleaders at work yesterday.  These are gals who I know will be supportive once I go back to work.

I am feeling pretty tired.  My body is really noticing the liquid diet!  I had quite the nagging headache yesterday.   I know that the big loss in the first 24 hours was mainly fluid, but it felt so good to see the scale move!

I am thinking this journey is a lot harder with those of us who don't live alone.  It is so hard to see and smell the foods that are being eaten by my sons and husband.  I hope that after surgery that I don't care and am not tempted!

Off to mix my morning shake.  I do love my Magic Bullet!