SavanahJ
Two years out March 31, 2007
Mar 31, 2007
March31, 2007
It's ironic. Today marks two years since WLS, and I didn't even think about it discussing how sick I am today with a close friend. I caught myself thinking, "Tell me again why I had this surgery?" D'runs and dry heaves are far from an impressive way to celebrate. They remind me of that journey in 2004 where I had every gastrointestinal test you can think of short of a colonoscopy. The mention of the "C" word during a second and third opinion became the 2x4 upside my head securing the decision to undergo gastric bypass. I wasn't sure then if I'd live through the surgery and wrote letters to significant people in my life including my Mom, son, and my close friend. My first thoughts upon waking in recovery, "I'm alive." With that, I closed my eyes for a well-deserved nap.
The years leading to March 31, 2005, were filled with unending struggles with weight, countless "failed" diets, ridicule, self-loathing, self-sabotage, grief, pain, and physical challenges associated with being over 300 pounds. Nothing changed; so nothing changed. After consuming empty calories over and over again, I'd silently express my lack of understanding as to why the scales weren't showing a reduction. The river of DENIAL flowed through my veins, and I rendered myself powerless to change. I wanted a magic pill that would somehow make it all better with one dose. I was eating myself to death, and my inactivity was the shovel. I'd resigned myself to being "disabled" and figured I'd be in a wheel chair by my 50th birthday.
Denial became my security blanket even in those early post-op days. I withheld information about my operation because quite frankly, I was afraid I would "fail" and refused to live life under the scrutiny of newly visible food Nazis. The journey to changed thinking was intentional. I made certain I attended support meetings and read posts on various sites, asked questions of "vetrans," and slowly came around to believing I just might be successful in this venture. My weight loss was steady, and I was at goal in less than a year. With it came challenges of its own.
My body cursed me for the years of neglect and abuse I'd put upon it. Excess skin is one of the undesireable effects of WLS, and the site of it depressed me in those early days. Everything happened so fast that looking in the mirror was like viewing photographs of someone I didn't know. Pre-op I wore a men's 5X, and less than 11 months later, I was wearing a women's 4/6. Amazing! Reaching my goal led way to pride--a sense of pride I'd never experienced. For the first time in my life I felt self-absorbed and highly self-centered. The most intriquing, however, was that I didn't feel the need to apologize for it.
Two years ago today, (3/31/07) I weighed 311 pounds. While I liked myself as a person, I was miserable and uncomfortable. Hey, I'm still miserable and uncomfortable, but damn, I look good! LMAO! I now enjoy challenging and pushing myself to see what I can accomplish physically. Where once I drove round and round parking lots in search of that perfect parking place close to the entrance of the store, I now park as far out as possible, grab a cart, and run to the entrace of the store because it's yet another opportunity to exercise. Who would have thought? ME? Running!!!
It's not all sunshine and roses, this weight loss surgery thing. What is? But it's my journey. I choose healthful thinking and better choices and a committment to self to live life to the fullest. And in spite of present health struggles, which are not a result of WLS, I wouldn't change a thing!
I'm celebrating me this moment, and it feels good! Many thanks to everyone who supported me to this day!
It's ironic. Today marks two years since WLS, and I didn't even think about it discussing how sick I am today with a close friend. I caught myself thinking, "Tell me again why I had this surgery?" D'runs and dry heaves are far from an impressive way to celebrate. They remind me of that journey in 2004 where I had every gastrointestinal test you can think of short of a colonoscopy. The mention of the "C" word during a second and third opinion became the 2x4 upside my head securing the decision to undergo gastric bypass. I wasn't sure then if I'd live through the surgery and wrote letters to significant people in my life including my Mom, son, and my close friend. My first thoughts upon waking in recovery, "I'm alive." With that, I closed my eyes for a well-deserved nap.
The years leading to March 31, 2005, were filled with unending struggles with weight, countless "failed" diets, ridicule, self-loathing, self-sabotage, grief, pain, and physical challenges associated with being over 300 pounds. Nothing changed; so nothing changed. After consuming empty calories over and over again, I'd silently express my lack of understanding as to why the scales weren't showing a reduction. The river of DENIAL flowed through my veins, and I rendered myself powerless to change. I wanted a magic pill that would somehow make it all better with one dose. I was eating myself to death, and my inactivity was the shovel. I'd resigned myself to being "disabled" and figured I'd be in a wheel chair by my 50th birthday.
Denial became my security blanket even in those early post-op days. I withheld information about my operation because quite frankly, I was afraid I would "fail" and refused to live life under the scrutiny of newly visible food Nazis. The journey to changed thinking was intentional. I made certain I attended support meetings and read posts on various sites, asked questions of "vetrans," and slowly came around to believing I just might be successful in this venture. My weight loss was steady, and I was at goal in less than a year. With it came challenges of its own.
My body cursed me for the years of neglect and abuse I'd put upon it. Excess skin is one of the undesireable effects of WLS, and the site of it depressed me in those early days. Everything happened so fast that looking in the mirror was like viewing photographs of someone I didn't know. Pre-op I wore a men's 5X, and less than 11 months later, I was wearing a women's 4/6. Amazing! Reaching my goal led way to pride--a sense of pride I'd never experienced. For the first time in my life I felt self-absorbed and highly self-centered. The most intriquing, however, was that I didn't feel the need to apologize for it.
Two years ago today, (3/31/07) I weighed 311 pounds. While I liked myself as a person, I was miserable and uncomfortable. Hey, I'm still miserable and uncomfortable, but damn, I look good! LMAO! I now enjoy challenging and pushing myself to see what I can accomplish physically. Where once I drove round and round parking lots in search of that perfect parking place close to the entrance of the store, I now park as far out as possible, grab a cart, and run to the entrace of the store because it's yet another opportunity to exercise. Who would have thought? ME? Running!!!
It's not all sunshine and roses, this weight loss surgery thing. What is? But it's my journey. I choose healthful thinking and better choices and a committment to self to live life to the fullest. And in spite of present health struggles, which are not a result of WLS, I wouldn't change a thing!
I'm celebrating me this moment, and it feels good! Many thanks to everyone who supported me to this day!
Finally composed "My Story!"
Oct 31, 2006
Several of you have expressed interest in "My Story." After working outside all day, it was time for a break. And I couldn't think of any "excuses" to keep me from taking the time to start typing. Please be sure to let me know what you think.
Stay tuned.
Oct 26, 2006
Still familiarizing myself with OH, I've not taken time yet to tell my story. Because I enjoy reading the journeys of others, I will definitely take the time to do so. I added photos today. (10/26/06)
About Me
Richmond, VA
Location
22.3
BMI
Surgery
03/31/2005
Surgery Date
Jun 27, 2006
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
I'm sure this wasn't what they meant whey they said to bring my own chair!
350lbs
Taken May 2006.
130lbs
