serendipity2121

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As I mentioned before, my emotions are all over the map right now. Yesterday was a bummer day, but, when I forced myself to drink more water, I felt much better. I was bummed about not being perfect at this, but, who is? If anyone is perfect at this, great for them! I, however, am on a constant journey, as I am a constant work in progress. By God's grace I will make it through this with flying colors.

Restaurants:
I know we are recommended to not go to restaurants much with GBP, but, I've been in positions lately that led me to restaurants due to my kids' performances, and made the best of them.

Last nights' performance was at Hard Rock Cafe. Something that struck me last night was all the plump & "happy" people eating all sorts of greasy, fried, fat laden foods ... platters of it ... numerous refills of sugar laden and carbonated drinks and just having a grand time... laughing, enjoying each other’s company. I felt remorse temporarily, because I was (am?) one of 'those' people ... eating with no regard for my health. Practically abusing my liver, digestive system, skin, and Brain with tasty, yet, detrimental foods.

I actually felt lonely for a moment, like an outsider as I quietly watched people live it up on what should probably be called garbage. I opted for a Caesar salad, because there were no low fat items anywhere on the menu!!! I picked around the salad until I felt I'd eaten enough to not desire other peoples stuff, and patiently waited for my kids’ performance to end.

As I people watched, I recalled how much I secretly loathed being that way. Oh How I longed to be one of the 'in-control' healthy, beautiful people you see at Whole Foods ... for years and years I wanted to be one of the beautiful ones, able to inspire people to a healthy lifestyle with just a glance at me. Seeing the way I carried myself would be an inspiration to anyone to step away from the 'dark side', I'd imagine ... Now I have my chance! The chance I prayed for, the chance to manage my health, instead of my unhealthy lifestyle, and depression managing me.

Again, i prayed for this! And God granted me this opportunity in many ways!! So, now I get to work it, and live it! Because I signed up for it! And I'm gonna be just fine! No more fear of success! I'm gonna make it after all!

Rebecca

I went to my PCP yesterday to discuss medication changes and medical care from this point. Because my comorbidities are not typical, I was not able to let go of any of my medications. I am looking forward to geting lower dosages though. 

I learned that I have lost 33 lbs since November 14th, 20 lbs can be attributed to the liver shrink diet, and 13 can be contributed to surgery. It's a small amount, but, I'll take it! Can't say I would have lost this at this time of year if it weren't for this surgery and being in this process, so for that I am thankful!  The Nurse and Doctor were jumping up and down excited for me .... I was just a bump on the log ... I guess because I have been down this road so much before, it doesn't sound like a grandious achievement. However, again, I'll take it! Even though I haven't lost a size yet, My clothes are nice and loose, very comfortable!

I resumed my counseling sessions today ... I have been going to my counselor for years to deal with issues that encouraged an unhealthy relationship with food. So now my sessions are taking a turn. Now I am staying with counseling to manage the events that come as a result of my weight loss journey.  Not that I am expecting a fiasco at some point, but, that I prefer to have monthly sessions with my counselor to help keep me focused on my emotional health. I don't know about you guys, but, I fervently believe that without emotional health, everything else will fall apart, including my relationships and progress.

I'm happy about having the surgery, although I have to say even though I prepared, prepared, and prepared by going to support groups, asking questions, reading blogs, books, articles .... it is NOT easy, but, it is rewarding.  I am learning myself all over again ... learning to eat and drink appropriately for my new stoma, because i need to do this for myself. I appreciate the undesirable experiences because they let me know My limitations ...

as a result, My goals at this point are as follows:
* No eating after 1900 ct (if I missed my final snack, I just miss it)
* Protein shake or high protein at the start of each day
* Excercise by walking or floor excercises (no sit-ups) until my 6 week dr visit.
* Document food on www.myfitnesspal.com (you can customize your diary to calories/fat/protein/sodium/carbs, etc)

I'm finally looking forward to the success the future brings!

Rebecca

I had my surgery on Monday 11/28, and everything was laproscopic. i feel pretty good, except i feel like i have  cold on top of healing from the surgery. That's not cool. My goal is to have 2-3 ounces of protein each hour, i'm not getting that yet, so i have to set a schedule. I'm tempted to eat soft foods, just for some variety, but, i'm on liquids through the week.  

Aftersurgery, the first night was really painful. i couldn't take all the normal painkillers that most other people use, so i had to deal with it more. Day 2 was better, but, day 3 was awesome! minimal pain, and minimal nausea. i was discharged on wednesday morning!

 This time of year is so frustrating. everyone has potlucks, parties. I'm 8 days from surgery, and in liver shrink, but, struggling. I was really ill the first couple days, because i have hypoglycemia, but, now i feel like i am gaining weight. i'm not doing well. Is balsamic vinegar allowed on liver shrink? or vitamin e capsules? i wonder if they are contradicting my progress?? please help.

I had an “OMG! what have I done!” moment yesterday, and I got pretty sad about it.   At a church potluck I did really well, getting grilled chicken, and green beans to eat slowly, and saving non-sweet carbs for last, no water until I waited 15 + min. While I was eating, my family wore out the desert table. There were just as many deserts as there were meal options, and I had a moment of panic. I asked them to block their plates from my sight because it was too much to bear, and I avoided the table, but, got depressed because for some reason it hit me harder yesterday than before that I can’t have that anymore… I guess yesterday was a day that I would have really liked to have something. Usually I can see and smell things, and pass without much of a desire for them, but, yesterday I really wanted something … anything. It was a really tough reality check for me. Is it this hard after the surgery?   I think it was the mental thing that Dr's talk about. Feeling you can never have it is harder on you. Saying goodbye to them this time really hurt more than the other times.

It really bothered me, becasue I am trying to adapt to  this lifestyle now. I am 7 weeks prior to my surgery.  I met people who have stopped doing well on this lifestyle, and/or gave up entirely. I don't want to be one of those people. I am granted a 2nd chance through God's grace solely... I don't want to screw this up. i feel i owe it to myself, and to God to do right by my health.   How Do you handle desire for sweets before your gastric bypass surgery?   Rebecca

Wow! I got a call today, totally out of nowhere to schedule my surgery. The scheduler said I should be approved, because they don't give her paperwork for scheduling people until they are. So I hope that is accurate!! OMG, what now?? I expected a long drawn out battle .. had a plan in mind for appeals and proving my need. OMG!

I am so shocked and excited! Date is scheduled for Monday 11/28! Whew! I gotta go breathe for a moment!

I've completed all labs, and met with the surgeon, and am waiating for insurance approval. I am hoping for approval, although I suspect with my sensitive case, I may have to appeal, so I am researching how to do so now. If after 2 appeals, i don't get approval, I will have to pay. I don't have the money to do so.... but, I have to be honest with myself and admit that i will not get healthy without an extreme measure like surgery, or illness.

In a way, it seems like a quality of life decision ... which i guess it could be. I know I have some serious issues now, but, I will only get sicker and sicker if I don't get this weight off. I've seen people in the offices with much worse problems than mine, I will become the people walking with canes, breathing with a portable oxygen tank, etc if I don't get this under control.

You just don't meet many elderly fat people.

Fear of surgery
 - Surgery is the easy part
Difficulty adjusting to new life
 - I have lots of info, and know i can do it!
Effect on relationships
 - any relationships that sour, i'll pray for. But I have to put myself first
Big head syndrome
 - seems to balance out after a couple years
Loose Skin
 - can excercise to lessen impact, can have plastic surgery to remove it
Sick looking
 - will balance out after couple years with proper nutrition
Bags under eyes
 - use antiaging, under eye creams
Hair trouble
 - less of a problem with proper nutrition
 - prepared with protein infused shampoo and cute shorter hairstyples if needed
Is GOD ok with me doing this?
 - Prayed for guidance, and blessing in the process. and insurance approval.

so, i have no excuses! I'm Ready!

My why story:
To get healthier
To be pain free  - pain manageable
To be able to get physical issues resolved
To get harmones in balance
To get rid of that blasted CPAP Machine
To feel good in my skin
To get insulin resistance in check
To be able to get full body scan for cancer
To lower risk of cancer
To get this band out!
To be energeitc enough to serve God more!!!
To enhance Self-Esteem (natural result of success)
To be There for my daughter as she matures
To get a better Quality of Life
To have a Longer Life
Sick and Tired of being sick and Tired
To Encourage Others
To be an Example to my daughter
To get in Better shape
To Be Able to take care of mother in case she gets sick
To be Stronger
To be Faster
As I age and get sick, people will be able to take care of me. Heavier people are probably neglected
Less RX
More Energy
Manage Hyperhidrosis
Get to Know the real me
Get to know my body, the way it should work
To have a normal menopause
To have better cognitive ability in the long run
Go back to GYN visits
Less body odor
Break the chains of failure
Conquer food dependence/demons
I have a counselor to help me
Have Support Groups to help me

Fringe benefits:
cute clothes
knee high boots!
more options - won't run into so many people with the same outfits
fly on a plane without worry if i'll fit
ride fair/carnival rides
go to water parks
evening gowns!
disaster releif supplies - think hurricane katrina victims
More Fun activities
Planning to be a Life Coach (no one believes you when you're fat)