Sue G.
I'm 55 years old. Don't really know how that happened so fast! But it's true. I'm 55. I've been overweight all my life. That's the politically correct way of saying it. But let's call it what it is!! I'm fat.
So how did my overeating start? Well. I had the unfortunate problem of a grabby, touchy feely kind of grandfather. I knew it was wrong. I did everything in my power to not be alone with him. For some reason I just couldn't tell anyone. So I suffered in silence. Never told a soul as a child. So I did the only self soothing thing I could. I ate. I would get up at night and eat anything I could find just to make the bad thoughts go away.
Like millions of others I suffered thru the childhood teasing. Children can be so cruel. I can't remember a day in my life where weight was not an issue. I remember my mother (who was not obese until later in life) driving me to this doctor and that doctor throughout my childhood. Take this pink pill in the morning. Take this green pill at night. I can't imaging what was in those pills 45 years ago - not sure I want to know. One doctor, who was supposed to be THE doctor in Baltimore for weight loss told me ( a child of 11 years old) that I should just not eat for about 6 or 7 months - just drink water. Wonder how many eating disorders he caused in his career? Even at that age I was so fearful of failing. Yes, I admit it. I'd take a few laxatives to try to lose a pound or two before I saw him each Saturday - I was only 11. He was so disapproving and disdainful. And I so wanted to not be a failure. Even though I was a straight A student I considered myself a failure because I was FAT and everyone reminded me of it everyday. "You've got such a pretty face but.....". I'm sure most of you girls have heard that one. I'd look in the mirror and see nothing but FAT, FAT, FAT. So I did more 'self soothing', I mean eating!
Never had a single date in high school. Never went to a prom or a dance. Had a few girlfriends but even they gave me up when the boys came their way. Went away to college and there was more of the same. Couldn't wait to get out of there either. I wanted to teach high school English but couldn't imagine the teasing I would face. Just couldn't do it. So after college I went to work for the federal government. It was a life saver. I just worked as hard as I could and kept on succeeding. I moved into my own apartment as soon as I could but I always came home alone. More self soothing - I mean eating. Went thru a whole promiscous phase. Yes, even a fat girl can get a guy to go to bed with her as long as he doesn't have to be seen in public with her.
This whole time I dieted. Every diet craze that came along I did. My weight would dropped a few pounds then I'd gain back what I lost and more. You know the story. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
Somehow, a major miracle happened in my life. I met my the greatest guy. I was 28, he was 32. He had his problems in life, too. I think we met at a time when he needed me and I needed him. We were married 6 months after we met. I won't pretend that everyday has been wonderful but we really each give it 100%. And guess what? He has never been ashamed to be seen in public with me. When we get out of the car he reaches for my hand, no matter how fat or thin I am at the time.
After we married my eating didn't improve. Old habits die hard. I ate my way up to my high of 286. Desperate, I ended up having 'stomach stapling' surgery 25 years ago. Lost about 110 pounds but I always had problems with the surgery. I think I have vomited everyday since the surgery. Have major problems with meats but other things also. So about the only thing I can eat and keep down is cheese and crackers, chips, dips, cookies, chocolate. All of the BAD carbs. My weight has crept back up to where I am now - about 238. I always felt my failure with the surgery was MY FAILURE. Didn't know that most of those old surgeries did fail. It wasn't me, per se. It was me AND the surgery. I didn't go back to the original doctor because, of course, I felt it was my failure.
I never even knew there was such a thing as revision surgery. I went to an eating disorder clinic. But all that time (6 years) the doctors there never even suggested that another surgery was possible or even necessary. I just thought that I would have to live this way forever. It kind of makes me angry that I wasn't told that perhaps I should see a bariatric surgeon. I even did what my old doctor told me when I was 11. I just didn't eat for about 7 months. I did a black coffee and SF jello diet. Got myself down to about 138 lbs for all of about 5 minutes. Of course, I started gaining as soon as I put the first bit of solid food in my mouth. To say the least my metabolism is shot.
For some reason about 2 months ago I entered a bunch of words into Google and I started reading...and reading...and reading. I just kept on clicking on links until I ended up on this forum. And here I am today. I've met with Dr. Schweitzer at Johns Hopkins Bayview. He's agreed to do the DS for me. So now I'm just waiting for insurance approval and a surgery date. I know there are risks. I know it's not a magic bullet. I know I have to give up the bad carbs and sugar. But I also know that maybe for the first time in my life I will have a real chance of losing weight, getting healthy and staying that way. Bring on the supplements, I'm ready, willing and able.
