Shaping_my_destiny

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I had my surgery as scheduled on July 25. Everything went well, there were no complications during the surgery and so far none since.Ihave also not had any nausea or vomitting yet although my roomate in the hospital was not so lucky but hers cleared up within a day or so. I was released 2 days after the surgery and have been home since Friday. Thing have been going fairly well since then. I find the hardest part is trying to drink the protein shakes, most other fluids go down well though. Moving and walking still has to be done slowly and of course there is still lots of gas being expelled from the surgery! The pain has not been too bad, I have not needed to take the narcotics yet and have just been using 500mg Tylenol every  4 hours. so far I have lost 9.8 lbs since the surgery and 29.2 lbs in total...yippee!!! 

I was scheduled to have surgery yesterday at 12pm. I got to the hospital at 9am. Got checked in, gown on, pre-meds taken and surgery prep done. The nurse at this point informed me that there had been an emergency case that morning that required the operating room ( I later found out it was a patient who was experiencing post op bleeding after RNY) and that the surgeon was about 1.5 hours behind schedule at that point. In addition there was another patient  scheduled to have surgery before me who was still waiting. Dan ( the other patient) and I chatted a bit and exchanged our optifast diet experiences. I told him I was nervous and that the waiting was like torture. He wasn't nervous, his wife had the surgery as well as his uncle and both were doing well. I went back to my bed and decided to sleep so that the time would go faster and I wouldn't have to sit there ruminating. They finally came to take Dan up around 11am.  The nurse said it would be at least 2:30 before they came back for me. So, I decided to go back to sleep! I did sleep... but woke up around 2pm unable to sleep any longer. I didn't want to be awake because of course I started ruminating again...getting myself nervous.  My stomach was growling and my mouth was dry. Nothing to eat since midnight and nothing to drink since 7:30 am. Around 4pm my surgeon came by. My heart was pounding, I thought this is it! They're coming to take me up!! Instead she said, "I'm sorry but we won't be able to do the surgery today". She was very apologetic, she had tried to get the room for my surgery but they wouldn't let her book past the scheduled time because of other emergency cases. I had been bumped!! I felt like the floor had been pulled out from under me. I was told that I would have to wait for a cancellation to come up before I could get another date. She was aware of a potential cancellation the following Wednesday...another 6 days! I was so angry and frustrated I wanted to just throw in the towel. All the mental preparation and planning now had to be done again! I would have to take an extra week off of work, find someone to take my son yet again so that I would have a bit of time to recoup and purchase another weeks worth of Optifast. I went home feeling disoriented and royaly screwed up. Even though I slept most of the day I was exhausted and dissappointed. I wanted to just forget the whole thing, it was more then I could handle.

Between then and now I have done A LOT of retail therapy... and thinking. I'm ok now. I turned the negative into a postive as best I could. I will have a bit of time to relax before the surgery and to spend with my son. Get things done that I don't normally have time for. Being on optifast another week kinda sux but what's another 6 days when I've already been doing it 3 weeks? As for my son, his grandparents have agreed to take him for me again next weekend so I have some time to heal. I'm also hoping that when I go in on Wednesday I won't be quite as nervous since I've already been through part of the process once already.

The hospital called today and confirmed that I would be going in Wednesday and this time I will be first in line so that there is less chance of me being bumped again. So, four more days and I will hopefully be on the other side this time!! I am not throwing in the towel, I will be ready!!

Since I haven't made any posts yet I figured this would be a good time to start! I am having RNY surgery on Thursday, July 19. For something that seemed to take so long in getting here it now seems to be coming very quickly! The optifast diet is going well, some days are harder than others but for the most part it has become part of my routine and I don't really even think about the whole process much anymoreh. I've lost 16 lbs so far and already I feel better and have more energy. It's great incentive to keep going too!

I'm feeling so many different emotions right now... scared, exited, anxious, nervous, hopeful. There have been a few times now where I have gotten cold feet and wanted to back out. I'm a single mother to a 4 year old little boy and I'm terrified of the worst happening. It bother's me to the point that it keeps me up at night worrying about it. Having said that, I can't imagine not going through with this. I have been overweight since I was a 1 year old and I feel that this is my only chance to win the battle. Being overweight has affected almost every aspect of my life, I am a different person than I would have been otherwise. Not to mention the fact that I have never seen what I really look like, we all know how much extra weight can distort a persons features. I also worry about the future, about developing health issues because of it and not being able to see my son grow up or my grandchildren should I have any. Aside from the potential health issues, I would just love to have enough energy to keep up with my little guy and not be grumpy and tired all the time... to just be comfortable in my own skin. So in the end I have decided to take the plunge, stop worrying about the "What ifs" and focus on all the positive things this choice could bring to my life. I am making this choice for the right reasons, for myself and for my son and no matter what happens I will just have to know that this choice was worth the risks involved.

This website has been an excellent resource and has been an great motivator. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of the stories, feedback and pictures. It makes a huge difference knowing and being able to stay in touch with other's who are going or who have gone through the same thing you are. I will try to keep my page updated with progress reports as much as possible so that other's can hopefully benefit in the same way I have.

... stay tuned! :)