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Well on Easter 4/8/2012 I had a beautiful baby girl. I named her Azalea. She weighed 7lbs 14oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. She is amazing. Day of Delivery I weighed 215lbs. I have no idea what I weight yet. I hope that im down atleast that 15lbs. I will take some post baby pics to start my process all over again. I have big goals for this year. As soon as I am able im going to work out and work out very hard. I am breast feeding so that should help with some calories. Its hard to move around to much so Im trying hard to just not eat to much.
I hope to lose a lot in the next few months. Wish me luck!

For now Ill just cherish my lil girl.... and know that the weight I gained was sure worth it!

I havent been on here forever since ive been on here. A lot has happend. I am expecting my first baby. I am super excited. I am up to 194lbs! Its not to bad. I am 13 weeks and 5 days.... so i am almost in my 2nd trimester. This will be my first baby and I am super excited to be a MOMMY!!!!

So I havent posted anything in a little bit. I have let my life get out of control. In general just my life. Today I woke up determined to change my life and get back on track. Me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday, ya it hurt bad and it hurts today still, but .... when it comes down to it, he didnt really treat me great. He didnt really deserve me. Sure I think well will I meet someone better? Oh well it is what it is, What it is, is.... over! He used me for my money and my car and well me. He spent money i didnt have and now my bills are behind. How did i let a guy come in and turn my life upside down. I stopped working out, thank god i still lost weight without working out, without eating right. I did eat small though. I let my work fall behind not following my ethics. I am ashamed of me. ... But today is another day, its time to take charge of my life again.  Time to let him walk away if thats what he wants. chose another girl over me! Well she can have him. Truth is... best revenge i can have is to let her keep him, cause a REAL MAN cant be stolen. Its time for me to have my life. God knows more than I do, Im sure all this pain will be worth the blessing I get in the end. I am going to get back on track. Im taking this week to plan and chill and heal from my heart being hurt. So I can start full force on my life again.
I have to get myself out of this... no more bad men. no more hopeless cases, or works in progress. I date only full functioning men now. I will work hard at work and with myself for me and my goals. I will look damn HOTT  by summer. I wont do this anymore! I will be strong and confident and I wont let you hurt me, I wont let me hurt me for you.

Bring on My Life

I got a fill 01/11/2011 I went from 212lb to 208. Yes yes yes !! I am thrilled. Last month I was stuck at 220-225 and I got past it. Underland is sooo close I can taste it. I am full after a small amount I fill that signal of i dont need eat more, i dont feel im depriving my self after my half cup. I am satisfied! I was depressed yesterday, I ordered pizza all by myself. I had one slice. I was full at one slice. Heck yes!! All I can say is everything else may not be just "dandy" this year on all shelves, but this is going great so far this year. Got keep my head in the game dont eat my feelings and measure my food. Im on my way. I havent been under 200 since I was 19lb. This is going to make me so incredibly happy. Im so close and sooo determined.. Watch out 199 Im coming to GET YA!!

So im at 10cc now. Thats a lot I guess for the 1st year. But im stoked. He didnt really wana give it to me but i demanded it, i didnt think i would get as much of a fill as I did. But deffinetly excited. My boyfriend took me and went into the appointments with me. Kinda weird for me but he thought it was interesting. He kept making comments that I had been shot with a lawn dart. Pretty funny! Well Im a few pounds from my mini goal. I am hoping to meet that fast. I hate the diet after a fill, I am sooo starving. Oh well, you get what you get. That is a lot of liquid in my band and for the first time im a little nervous about eating normal food and how that goes.. Guess Ill have to pay very close attention. I hope this is my sweet spot and I will be getting where I need to and want to... im prettty positive about this one..

Well,

New years was incredibly rough.... Had a horrible new years eve, horrible night with my boyfriend and sooo on. I was doing very good before new years. I was pretty much eating what i wanted mostly good but less than a cup no matter what. I had broke my plateau. I was down to 211lb which is 2 pounds away from my mini goal. Man O Man I was so excited. Well new years hit. Instead of that "lets start the new year attitude" I had a bad attitude. Ive noticed my mood really affects my weight loss and it eally makes me not care about my weight, the food im eating and how much, oh and rules its like "what rules"!! 
Me and my boyfriend are getting better but he does a few things I seem to let bother me a lot. So either I gotta figure out a way for it not to bother me or i gotta go. Easier said then done it seems. I havent felt close to someone since my ex husband and this is hard.
I know what I gotta do tho. I gotta figure out a way to be positive, I gotta get my mind and life back in "Me" mode. I need to portion out my food, I need follow the rules and I have to quit eating so much crap food. How do I get myself back to his place. It seems so far away.... I dont want to go back to the person I was before. I cant do this to myself again. I gotta worry about me too. At his point I think I gotta figure out what to do about the boyfriend. I guess tonight I have a talk with him. What do i say? Idk. I guess I say I care about him and I want him in my life. But some thing about our relationship stress me out and they effect my health. When Im too worried about him and us then im not worrying about me. That hes gotta be my partner and try to help me feel less stressed. He has being doing better. Maybe its me. My ex was so mean and such a jerk and always cheating and lieing to me. I gotta learn to trust him. How do i trust him?? I know the easy answer.. the easy answer is not think of him like my ex and dont use him against him... so easy to say.. not easy to do. This year I gotta let go of my past so I can have a great future. I want to see me like I use to see me, just for me not for anyone else. It feels 100% better when you dig YOU, love YOU, think YOUR incredibly sexy. No one else can tell you like you can because you are your own worst credic....
I cant do excuses anymore... I gotta move on, suck it up, let it go and move foward.... let go of the past, suck up the hurt. let go of the pain, and move on with my life!  I deserve more than what I am giving myself.  I can do this. I cant let myself fail anymore because how i feel about me or how I let my feelings control me. NEED TO GET MY BUTT IN GEAR

I decided I am going to call another lapband doctor other than the one I have. Im going to ask if I can do a free consultation with him. I want  a second opinion from another surgent. I was niave when going through this process. I did not research the other options deligently for weight loss surgery. I did ask a lot of questions about this surgery and was told it was probably the right surgery for me. However I am not losing like I should. Im at 9cc and still able to eat a lot or feel hungry. Been like this for 4 months. Last 3 times my surgent has declined me getting a fill. He says im doing everything right however my weight is staying the same. He is not adjusting my band or methods. I seriously feel I need another opinion. I either need a different surgent, or a different surgery. Hope to find out what will resolve my issue and continue on with this journey, without feeling so hopeless!!

So last week I went to 222 on Monday , even after eating right... well I lost 2 pounds by Thursday morning.. after working out very hard at the gym. Not just my normal exercising but I burned 300 calories plus my weights and 100 situps. Well Friday I went shopping with my mom and I was sooo busy and forgot abt breakfast and lunch. I ate dinner not very much just my cup. By saturday morning I was 218. I was so excited. Well saturday I ate my normal meals. My cup and my healthy meals.. Today I weigh myself i was 220. I cannot get over this 220 hump.. no matter what I do. I feel like my body wont even burn its own calories. I cant even eat a meal without gaining a pound or two. Its very stressful and discouraging.... I feel like im doing my job and that band isnt doing its job. I was told this was gonna be a helpful tool.. in what way is it doing anything?? im doing all the work. Eating right, following rules, exercising 4-5 days a week for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. What else can i possibly do?? I have a appt tuesday with my doc. I know he is gonna be disappointed cause im still here at this point, and i could get a fill but what if that doesnt work!! what can i do to get over this 220. Ive been in the 220's for 4 months... I cant do this anymore!!!! HELP

so today I have decided to go back on my pre-op diet- only one thing I wont give up and thats my Rockstar Recovert. 20 cal and 2 carbs- has electrlytes and vitamins. I just have no energy so I can cant give it up. Ecpecially since I work out for 1 1/2 hour every night. How do you workout for 1 1/2 hour 4-5 times a week and gain 3 pounds in 2 days.. Killing me! So I will be doing protein (5 oz meat) , fruit, diary for breakfast, veggie (1cup) & protein (5oz meat) lunch and 2 veggie  & protein for dinner ( crazy with my band how can i still eat that much food) also no snacking, no condiments, nothing else. It was hard to do the 1st time. But i feel I havent been very good and need to detox myself and liver again. Its a healthy diet so I think It will be healthy and of course i should lose weight on it again. Now 14 days dont seem long.. oh boy it is......!! I already tried this before and I only get through the 1st week and then I cheat on days off.  I gotta get over this hump and I think this weill help me. What you guys think??  I just wana get under 200 sooo bad.. thats my next goal is 209 and then 199. I can do this I know it!!! I would love some imput on this... I so love the support!! I need to get ove this hump because I am depressed and Im sick of this.............. please weight go away... and never come back another day!!  I really need everyones support the next 14 days please... I just need more than myself.......... last time i did this my husband was around and he really helped me now he left me for another woman he got prego and i just need to feel better about me!!

I havent been on the site for awhile.. so much happend last 6 months, me and my husband split and i moved back home to another state. Everything is new. I am stuck i am at 220 and i eat right and work out 4-5 times a week for 1 1/2 hrs but i just lose a pound gain a pound.. i cannot lose i am soo stuck. I have 9cc, i can eat fine still hungry after 1cup never had any vomiting problems or anything.. i feel like this isnt normal. 9cc is pretty tight and how do i still feel hunger after a cup, and how have i not gottn sick, aslong as i chew my food and eat normally and not to fast i swallow fine and i have no problems.. how do i lose this weight.. i feel like why did i get this surgery.. cause its not working.. i could get to this weight on my own before the surgery i just never could get below it and never could keep it off.. what is this band doing.. i dont want a maricle im doing my part... but its suppose to atleast help me.. im very discouraged!!!