sheela_na_gig79

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This is been my issue as of late.  I can't walk by a bag of chips or cheese stick ect. with out the insatiable urge to take a bite.  My tummy even growls and has that hunger sensation.  I was hoping to go further than two months with out feeling "hunger" but here I am.  Maybe this is my food addiction talking, maybe it's because I'm truly hungry. I do know that it is a constant struggle for me to NOT eat.  I know the surgery is a tool, and prevents me from eating a WHOLE bag of chips, however, is eating one just as bad?  Should I force myself to eat only on a schedule or allow myself to indulge in just one bite?  Either way I'm feeling guilt or wanting.  I HATE that my life still revolves around food.  Right now I'm watching the clock because I know at 1:00 I can eat again.  UGGGGGG frustration.  I'm not indulging, but my willpower is starting to wear thin.  I'm not sure if anyone else reads this, quite honestly just writing about it is cathartic but any advice would be helpful.  I haven't been to my shrink in a while so I'm sure that is something I need to bring up at my next visit. 

On the bright side I am still loosing weight.  45lb and  counting.  Yay for that right? 

UGGHHHHH

I'm stuck, and the scale isn't moving.  What's worse is I feel like I've done everything right and I'm exercising more than I ever have yet I weigh the same.  I've done some research and apparently this is normal, but it still makes me feel like a failure.

To top it all off I've gone back to work and everyone is asking me my new two hated phrases. " How much have you lost and what can you eat?"  I don't  know what to say.  My inner bitch wants to say I've lost enough and I'm eating food"  but that would just be hateful right? 

I have lost 40 pounds, and I WILL loose more.........this is my inner mantra for the moment.

36 pounds and still shrinking.  I was hoping for 40 but hey, 36 is close right?  I'm feeling pretty good, I'm doing OK with eating and taking my vitamins.  I can't really complain much about the physical stuff.  The head stuff, well that is a different story..............

I can't  stand people asking me how I'm doing with eating.  The other night we went to a friend's dinner party.  They were super nice and asked what all I can eat, soft veggies and potatoes and pured chicken was prepared.  In the process of dinner one of my friends said " man this is the least I've ever seen you eat".  That totally bugged the HELL out of me.  I'm tired of all the focus on food.  I just want to be normal, well as normal as someone can be with two stomachs. ha ha  After talking to my friend and mentor I was able to somewhat put things into perspective.  First off, I'll never be normal, I had surgery to physically change my body at my own choosing.  Second, I just need to get over it.  People will need to adjust to me and my changes as much as I have to adjust to my own changes.  This will only get better in time and just have to be patient, and enjoy the fact that none of my pants will stay up without a belt now!

Sometimes i sit in bed at night and think, WOW, I really did this.  It has only been one moth yet reality is just now sinking in with me.  I'm glad I made this decision, no matter how tough it feels sometimes.

 

15 Pounds BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One week after surgery and I've already lost 15 pounds.  Makes 19 total from my start weight.  I'm very excited to say the least.  Had my drain pulled too. WOW what an experience..........Snakes in the belly..........felt really gross and kinda painful. 

Can't wait till my next appointment.  And I can't wait until I'm off my liquid diet!  I'm sick of jello, and broths.  I'd be happy with some yogurt or cottage cheese at this point.  But after seeing 279 on the scale, I think I can wait just a little longer. :-)

I read about it, I was told about it, I'm a nurse and KNOW about it, but I totally didn't expect it to be this bad.  ha ha

I can feel it rolling around in my abdominal cavity,  I'm walking, I'm rocking, I'm on my hands and knees praying it will run to the nearest exit.  I was even excited about the epic farts i was going to have after surgery.  Finally I could keep up with my boys in the farting game but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  It's all trapped.  in purgatory. and no matter what i do it's stuck. 

I suppose there could be alot worse things to complicate my life post surgery but hey, a girl can vent right? (Or wish she would)

wow, I didn't think I'd be nervous.  Here I am, scared about pain, worried about saggy skin, what if I can't stop over eating? Guess I have waited until the last minute to start freaking out. ha ha  I'm making an appointment with my therapist today!!

I have my vitamins, I have 100 different kinds of power aid, propel, and chicken broth.  I've got some protein shakes here but figure it would be best to see what I like after surgery.  I have new PJ's and a robe for my hospital stay.  Having the house keeper come this weekend so I can come home to a clean house.  My kindle is loaded with new books, and all my pre-ops are done.  I'm totally prepared right????????