silli-jilli

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Lack of food. I can handle that.
Lack of fluid. I can handle that.
Incision pain. I can deal with that.

Open incision wound that has to be packed and dressed twice a day. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS!!!

I never envisioned when having this surgery I would be in so much pain, have problems with 1 incisision site and end up getting an infection, needing to have that incision left open to heal from the inside out. I'm not a good patient. That first 5 days from surgery were HORRIBLE!! I doubt I would have had the operation if I knew it was going to be that painful! Maybe it is because I have no tolerance to pain, but that was the worst I have ever been through. Even my c-section was a piece of cake compared to it.
A week later I expected to be doing better. 6 of the 7 incisions had healed fine. One Was not and had a big bulge by it. Was very red and sore. Ended up that the incision had to be left open because there was a fluid sac that needed to drain. It ended up popping in the middle of the night Tues/Wed. Wed went back to the dr and she told me it would need to be packed with gauze so it could continue to drain and heal from the inside out. I wanted to escape right there. I don't deal well with that kind of stuff. My mom helped me Wednesday with it but on Thursday morning when trying to remove the gauze so I could take a shower it was stuck. I lost it. I sobbed harder than I have in years. I just want it all to go away! Thankfully my friend is studying nursing and came over and helped and then changed it after the shower. I am spent. I am so emotionally worn out from this surgery I feel like I can't do it anymore. I can handle the limited food and water but when it comes to the body part, I can't do it. My friend said it is healingn nicely and it looked nice and clean. I just wish it would heal. I want to be able to get out and walk and do things. Its hard to do when you have a pain on your belly and hurts when you walk. :(  I hope this is the worst of it because I don't know how much more I can deal with! :(

I'm so happy! My insurance company approved the surgery. Just have to wait for MBS to get the letter and they can schedule surgery. Now is the hard part, to stick with the pre-op diet.  I struggle constantly with it. I need to keep on track. It will be worth it in the end!

I'm debating whether to have the surgery as soon as they can do it or to wait until I graduate from college in May. My classes are all online so that isn't an issue but am wondering if I will be up to the ceremony. I don't have to go to commencement but would kind of like to.  I guess it will depend on when they schedule surgery. Why worry about it now, right? :)

woo hoo!!!!! I'm so excited!! It feels like I've been waiting for this day for FOREVER!!!!

Had my first life skills group last week. Seems like it will go well. I of course what to delve right into the nitty gritty. I've done therapy for years, did a life balance group for a year, and feel like I just want to get going on this. lol.  I realize I need to have patience and take it 1 step at a time.  That is the hard part for me.

I am redoing my 6 months of dr visits as well. Did the first in September and saw my NP the 21st. Was only down .5#.  Not a big shocker. Since quitting drinking soda 1 month ago, I've turned to sugar. Candy, cookies, donuts, ice cream, fast food.  Need to work on that now. My goal for the next month is to follow the NUT's pre-op diet for 3x/week. I'm thinking some planning ahead is going to be needed.

Am also thinking of joining TOPS. I know support will help me. I just worry about adding too much to my plate. (hahaha no pun intended!)  Between work FT, college class, my son's homework, cub scout's and my weekly group, I don't want to push myself over the edge.  Thinking I will check out a meeting tonight and decide from there.

I just wish I could stay away from the sweets. In the past year I quit smoking, quit drinking, quit soda, why can't I quit the dang sugar?!?!? ugh! so so frustrating!

Well I am switching insurances. Now I have to wait until Jan 1st before they can submit for approval. This is the hardest part, the waiting game. I am so excited/stoked to have this surgery and now I have to be patient.  ugh. that is like a swear word to me. lol.  Definitely NOT one of my virtues!

I saw a counselor yesterday that works with bariatric patients. Found out he runs a life skills group for pre and post bariatric surgery patients. It is an 8 week group and I will be starting the next one next week. I am excited! I figure the more I learn and know the more successful I will be.  This is a brand new chance for me. I don't want to mess it up.  

I saw a psychic yesterday too.  I know not everyone believes in them, but I do. I am pagan and that is part of my spiritual life. He didn't see any specific dates in mind but I have had a feeling of March. He thought maybe May. I'm hoping for the March date myself. lol. Also said it is to go well and he also sees another surgery down the road for removal of saggy skin. Kinda bummed about that. I am trying to be proactive and excercising now to help with that but after being SMO for over 20 years, I don't see my skin springing back. Damn it sucks getting old!

Trying to work on the pre-op diet as well. It is hard. 3 meals a day. 4 oz protein 1 cup veggie 1 cup fruit. No sugars no carbs. The last part I am struggling with. I quit soda 2 weeks ago and am looking into doing a sugar detox. This is a hard time of year for me with Halloween (yay favorite holiday), Thanksgiving and Christmas all around the corner.  I just need to keep remembering that my new life and health are worth more than any sugary food!

~~~~I keep wanting to sing the Pointer Sisters song "I'm So Excited!~~~~~ :)