Shelly C.
I am in Saskatchewan, Canada.
When I look back at pictures of myself through the age of baby to about 13, I wasn't fat. I wasn't petite either. I was slim. But there had been a point at the age of 5 where I was very plump. I had broken my leg and my mother could not carry me home. This is one point in my life that I remember feeling I must be fat.
But, I would not feel that way anymore until I was about 15 and I over heard my father call me a "Two-Ton Annie" which is a nickname of a tractor. I cried for days. He had not realized that I over heard. And still does not know how this has devistated me. But when I look back at pictures I am still not fat. Then in high school, I realized that most of the girls were thinner and taller than myself and I felt fat. But again, when I look back at my teenage pictures, I so wish I was that size instead of the size I am now. Kids can be cruel. I was picked on a lot through high shcool over everything. Mostly because I had been the new kid in elementary from a different province and it just carried on into high school. And I bet if you asked any of those kids who made fun of me, they would not know why they did it. Also during this, I had to deal with sexual abuse from the age of 9 -16 and at an earlier time in my life physical abuse up until the age of 7.
After the birth of my oldest child, my son, in Oct. 1994 I gained a lot of weight. I ended up with a stomach that hanged and this is called an apron of fat. Yuck. No matter what I did this would not go away. I then got pregnant with my daughter and had her in August of 1997 and I added more weight to my body. Both pregnancies were C-sections and it seemed harder to lose the weight from my belly.
This all would not come to light until about the year 2000 when I was diagnosed with Depression. I finally needed to seek councelling for all that I had been through in my life. I had blocked it all for so long and didn't deal with any of the pain that caused me post traumatic stress inside and so I hit rock bottom, I ended up taking medicine for my depression and this would cause me to gain weight as well. In 2002, I had a breast reduction. Something that I always wanted because I was always teased about my breast size through high school. And from that I never really learned to like my breasts. Well, with this surgery I lost 10lbs and I felt great except I could see my stomach now!! And this led me back to my Plastic Surgeon to see if he would give me a tummy tuck. But he refused me because I was over weight. He did give me the name of Dr. Davey. I went home crying because I had been dieting so many times to only fail. So I went and talked with my family doctor to find out what he could tell me about Dr.Davey and what it is that he could do for me. So this is how I came to learn about WLS.
Here is how things have been going for me:
I had to wait 1 year to even get an appointment with the specialists in the Bariatric Weight loss Centre. The centre is located in the Royal Alexander Hospital in Edmonton, Alberta. This is 2 hours from where I live. Finally I received an appointment 1 year later and I had my 1st appointment with the head nurse of the Bariatric Weightless Team.
She went over the 2 different types of surgery that there was and at that time (May 2004) they still did not do the procedure Lapriscopticly. She also explained to me that Dr.Davey was the only Doctor who did these types of surgeries in all of western Canada, so the appointments would take time and time would feel like forever. And she is right! She went on to explain that they were expecting another doctor sometime in the summer of 2004. Meanwhile, I was expected to keep a food journal and I was given pamphlets to read, weighed and sent on my way. My next appointment was 4 months later and I met with the Dieticia: Charlene. She went over my food journal & of course she explained the things I could eat, should eat and should not eat. I was weighed once more and sent on my way. In the meantime, I was home, taking small steps to change my diet. I got a garbage bag one day and threw out all my "Comfort Foods" and replaced my house with vegetables and tons of fruits. That was the hardest step to take. I now have brown bread, 1%milk, fruits, vegetables, whole wheat pasta, no fat cheese, low fat mayonnaise. Everything is either low fat or no fat. And I had to introduce this to my kids and my husband. So far so good. It has been accepted. My third appointment was with the Head Nurse again and she weighed me where I discovered I had lost 7 lbs! We went over my food journal again and she asked if I had anymore questions. I wanted to know when I would finally meet Dr. Davey. Then she told me that they had a new Doctor brought in from Ontario who is also a specialist in weight loss surgery and that he performed one of the types of surgeries lapriscopticly. I was please because this is the surgery that I opt for. So I left my third appointment feeling optimistic. My fourth appointment was March 7, 2005 and I seen the dietician again. She went over my food journal again and decided that I wasn't eating enough fruits. She is right. I am not. It is hard. Man it is hard to force yourself to eat fruits when for a long time in my life, I didn't eat any of these types of foods. So I am home watching what I eat and waiting for my final appointment which is April 4th, 2005. I will get to meet one of the Doctor's & discuss the surgery. I hope to get an appointment date. Wish me luck.
Well I did have my appointment on April 4th with Dr.Birch. He is the new Surgeon on Dr. Davey's Bariatric Team in Edmonton.
We talked about the Pro's & Con's of Surgery and the types of Gastric Bypass Surgerys and my personal reasons for wanting this surgery. No date was given and I was a little sad, but he said that I would have to have pre-opt test screening done.
April 25th, 2004
My family Doctor phoned me during the week of April 11th and I had an appointment with him to have all my pre-opt testing done. I had Blood Work, Chest Xrays, an EKG and Lung fuction testing done. So now all I am doing is patiently waiting for a surgery date. I am so ready to do this and have it over with. I want to start being on the road to becoming a happy, energetic, healthier thinner me!! Wish me luck on receiving a surgery date SOON!
May 3rd, 2005 - At 10am I received a call from the Hospital Admitting telling me that my surgery will take place on May 31st, 2005! Whoooooohooooo!!! I can't believe it. I finally have a date to look forward to and count down the day for. As soon as I was off the phone, I screamed and I cried. This has been the moment I have been waiting for, for the last 2 years.
On May 26 at 9:30am I have a class with the Dietition that will teach us about Foods and eating habbits after surgery. Also at 1:45pm on the same day I have an appointment at Admitting so that I can fill out all the required paper work. 28 more days until surgery!!!!!!!!
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I Hope You Dance
(Lee Ann Womack)
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their years and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their years and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their years and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
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May 26th, 2005 - I had 2 appointments today in Edmonton. The first one was a class with the Dietition Carlene. I was in this class with 3 other women. Carlene went over types of liquids we could have for 2 weeks after surgery and then what types of solids we can introduce after week 2. She advised me on foods to stay away from and how to read food labels. She also explained where in our body the pouch would be and where we would feel the fullness after eating. This class went from 9:30am - 11:00am.
My next appointment was at the Pre-admission Clinic at the Royal Alexandra Hospital. I had to watch a film on what to expect the day of surgery and what to expect in the O.R and after surgery.I also had to fill out a health history 2 page sheet. After the short video, I had my height & weight measured. Then I was brough to a private room where I had another EKG, my tempature taken, my pulse read, my blood pressure taken and along with more blood work taken. Then I met with the Anaesthesiologist where he wanted to know if I had trouble with anaesthetics in the past, if I was taking any medications and if I had any serious health problems. I was also told I would not know the time of my surgery on May 31st until May 30th. They will phone me to let me know the time of my surgery. I am so nervous.
Between these appointments, I sat in my car along with Stephen (my husband) and cried for 15 minutes. Anxiety. I am scared and I am nervous. So for the 1st time in my life my blood pressure was a little high. The nurse explained it could be due to my anxiety and nerves. Well I am almost sure that is what it is. I am going to go nuts between now and the 31st!!
May 30th, 2005
Today I prepared my children for their stay with their grandparents. Washed some clothes, cleaned the house and after supper my husband & I drove into Edmonton to stay at his Aunt's house. I have to be at the hospital at 9am and my surgery is scheduled for 12pm. So far, my nerves have been calm. We arrived pretty late in Edmonton and by the time we arrived at this Aunts house it was around 10pm and I was over tired. After all I never slept much the night before. We all agreed to go to bed early. Stephens Uncle had an early rise for work and his Aunt wasn't feeling well and we had to be up early as well. Only a few more hours!!
May 31st, 2005
Showed up at the Hospital earlier than 9am. Right away I was taken to the Day Surgery Room. This room had 28 curtained rooms and I was placed in # 25. I had to get undressed and wear the icky hospital gowns that open in the back. I was scheduled a nurse who took my vitals and then had to start an I.V. I have very deep small viens and the only place she could get the iv was in the middle of my forearm. Ouch! I had blood work taken and papers to fill out and then I just had to wait for my turn to be called for surgery. My turn for surgery was running late. It was well after 12pm when I was called. I was extremely calm when I was rolled to the O.R. Once in the O.R. I was manouvered to the operating table and quickly put to sleep. The next thing I knew I woke up in a recovery room.
The recovery room experience was horrible. I was the only woman of 4 other men in the room. My curtains were kept closed, but I was placed next to an alcoholic who had a blod clot of the leg and was tied to his bed because he was violent and verbally abusive. Every half an hour he was yelling fowl language and threatening the nurses. I didn't get much sleep and I feared that he might just get out of his bed. As for my pain. It was tollerable. I was able to get out of bed that evening and use the washroom. I just had to pee!!
Later I was moved to a private room. Thank god! I could get away from the alcoholic screaming all night. Once there, I slowly recouperated. I was given morphine for pain when I needed it. A day or so later, I was given some fluids but I never really felt up to drinking or eating anything. Around the 4th day I was given a supository and I was able to use the bathroom. The 5th day after surgery I was released from the hospital. My ride home was 2 hours of excruciating pain. I had assumed that the ride home caused my stomach to be upset. Once home, I could not get comfortable. My stomach felt bloated and even drinking some apple juice was uncomfortable. Later that evening I was throwing up. I couldn't keep anything down. I still continued to blame the car ride home. The next day, I was worse. I threw up more and more and I didn't even have any fluids in me to throw up but I was able to fill a small garbage can which was the only thing I could grab when I was sick.
I was rushed to emergency of my local hospital and immediately booked in over night. I was given an NGO tube. (This tube goes in my nose, down my throat into part of my stomache) As soon as it was in, I threw up so much. But, I could feel the pressure releaving my belly each I threw up. The nurses felt so bad for me, but I felt so bad for them as they were trying to empty my containers of vomit before I hurled again. Finally they just used a garbage can. Finally my throwing up became under control and the NGO tube started to suction out what was making me sick. I was able to get some sleep. But my dilema would not be over.
The next morning, I was rushed to Edmonton via ambulance. The ambulance ride was very painful and I cried at times in pain. Once we arrived to the Royal Alec. Hospital in Edmonton, I was directed to an emergency room and my NGO tube hooked back up to suction all the poisonings out. Dr. Davey came to see me and told me that I would have to go through a series of tests and wait for a room to be available. I was brought to an X-ray room where I had to drink 4 1/2 glasses of white chalky stuff and at the same time my stomach became bloated and sore and I was finding it hard to breathe. And because the NGO tube was not hooked up at this time, I had no where for this fluid to go but to sit on my stomach. After the X-rays, I went back to my room where the NGO Tube was reconnected to suction and I painfully waited for results from my Doctors. It would be another day before I would learn that I was being scheduled for emergency surgery to remove a blockage to my bowels. Around 7:30pm that evening I was rolled to the ER and by this time, I was praying to be put to sleep because I was in so much pain. Not to mention so thirsty since I was not aloud anything by mouth since the day I arrived at the emergency room in my local town.
Well, I woke up in I.C.U. Very scary. I still had the NGO tube along with a huge tube that was breathing for me and I could not talk with it in my mouth. I had oxygen tube in my nose, an IV coming from my neck, an arterial line sticking out from my wrist and I was tied to the bed. When I woke up I was scared as hell. I also was in a daze and when my husband got to see me for the first time in ICU, I was staring into space and I wasn't paying attention to him. He cried when he saw me and how I was reacting and how I was hooked up to everything. He had to wear a cover gown and a mask. I was in ICU for 2 days before I ended up in a regular room. I have to say that my nurse in ICU was very sweet and she treated me so kind and was very sincere. I found out that I had been opened up from my breast bone to my belly button and it was very hard to move at all. In order to be moved up the bed, my bed had to be tipped back and 2 or more nurses surrounded me to grab hold of the undercover to pull me up the bed. It hurt to do this, but I felt more comfortable afterwards. Before leaving ICU, my breathing tube was removed and my arterial line in my wrist was removed. I found out during my stay in ICU that the arterial line was rather serious. It was used to measure my pulse and blood pressure as well take blood from there and that if it was moved the wrong way, I could have bled to death. Yikes!!
Once in my regular hospital room, I was in so much pain. I had been sleeping on my back 2 ½ days and I so needed to sit up. At this time, I was scheduled a young nurse who had no time for me. I asked her if she could help me sit up so that I could relieve the pressure off my back. She didn’t want to bother with me and I cried all the next day for the nurses to phone my husband to come back into Edmonton to help me. Finally, an older nurse took pity on me, helped me to sit up the next morning. Brought me a bowl of water, soap and a toothbrush and toothpaste and let me sponge wash myself. She even washed my hair for me. I was so relieved. My bed was remade and I got back into it comfortably and happy to have had time off my back. For the next few days they continued to fill me with IV fluids. Different types. Yellow fluid, white fluid, clear fluid and so much more. My NGO tube was removed 7 days from the time it was put in and I got to finally have some fluid. Apple Juice!!!! I was never so happy to drink some apple juice. I even started to drink ice water. It never tasted so good. I love ice!!
June 14th, 2005 - I was released from the hospital and the ride home this time was so nice. I slept all the way. Only thing was that I was so swollen from all the IV fluids. My skin looked like it was going to burst open and start leaking. Of course that didn’t happen. I had to have a walker to walk and I spent the next week with diarea, eating fluids, changing my bandages and sleeping.
July 3rd, 2005 -
So far I have 43lbs lossed!! Whoohoo!!
I am eating solids. I can't believe how little I can eat & how easily I feel full. So far, I have not thrown up. I don't want to experience that. I have been through so much and that is not what I want to do. I don't over fill myself. I am walking without my walker. I have gone to the beach, but I did spend some of that in a camper and I did go to the fireworks for Canada Day. I am getting stronger each day. I just wish my insision would fully heal and stop seaping fluid. I want to start feeling normal and start my summer and get in the water. I love to swim.
August 17th, 2005
Last week I weighed myself and I have 55lbs gone. Seems like the weight loss is slow but then I am still happy that I have lossed something. I am still maintaining a sugar-free lifestyle. It hasn't bothered me a bit. Then again, I was always into eating salty foods like popcorn, chips, chinese food and whatever else I could find that made me crave the salt. I never had sweet tooths. So I guess that is a good thing. I also have not had any kind of pop since before my surgery and I will keep it that way. I have learned to love water. I enjoy drinking the new flavour Splash Pure Water by Aquafina. It's very refreshing. I also drink: Milk, Tomatoe Juice, Any kind of sugar free juice, Crystal lite and Diet non-carbonated Ice-Tea by Nestea or Lipton and water. Here are some small happy moments that I have been pleased with since losing weight:
1. Seatbelt fits and there is still some slack.
2. I no longer have sleep apnia
3. I have not had any heartburn since before my surgery.
4. Alot of my clothes are baggy and loose.
5. I can walk up the 3 flights of stairs to my Apt. without getting out of breath.
6. I have been waking up at a decent time where as before I slept most of the day.
7. My face is alot clearer and not even half as much acne. I still get the occassional pimple.
8. I don't feel so over heated anymore. I actually get cold once in a while.
9. People are noticing my weight loss.
10. I can fit in a booth at a restaurant with some room in between the table and my belly.
11. I can now sit with my legs together.
12. I can cross my legs.
If I have been able to conquer this much at a 55lb loss, I can only imagine what I will feel like at 100lbs lossed!! It just gives me the encouragement to keep going. I may have more than 55lbs gone because I don't like to weigh everyday for fear of being discouraged.
The Woman In The Mirror
Walking past the mirrored glass,
I take a timid peek.
I see a woman staring back,
I’m too choked up to speak.
The puffiness, at last, is gone,
The skin is pink and glowing,
The many pounds that melted off,
Finally is showing.
Hard to believe, till recently,
This same woman was dying,
Stuffing food to ease the pain,
Heartbroken and crying.
Life revolved around each snack,
She lived for every meal,
Anything to numb the hurt,
She didn’t want to feel.
When did she get so pretty?
When did God remove the grief?
How did this miracle happen?
Who provided the relief?
What a gift! A second chance!
I thank God every day,
For His grace in showing me,
There IS a better way.
I walk, I dance, I make love too,
My heart is filled with gladness.
I’m out of bondage, out of pain,
There is no room for sadness.
This woman in the mirror,
Smiles softly back at me,
She has good cause to be so pleased,
She’s finally been set free.