08.08.09 Saturday

210 lbs and going down.....I've now lost 199lbs, 99 since surgery.   I feeling great and doing great.  40 lbs to the surgeons and nutritionist goal, and 60 to mine.   But right now this moment,  I am feeling absolutely on top of the world!!!

I was going to be one of those that updated regularly, and not have huge gaps of time in my blog, but it seems I got caught up in life, and didn't get around to it as planned.   but isn't that a good thing..life that is?   I know it sure feels good to have one again, to be able to finally move as I once did, and do the things that I have enjoyed and have stopped doing because it hurt to much to be as active as I wanted.

This summer has brought about so many changes,  I've watched my body change shape,  my closet become emptier as the large clothes were packed away, my health get better, and my outlook on life become better.

I look in the mirror and know it's me and see that I'm smaller, and I put on clothes that I've always worn, and watch as they droop and sag around this new body that is changing everyday.   I just smile and  put those big clothes in a box ready for a yard sale so someone else can enjoy them.  

I found I couldn't wait to box them up and never see them again, but when it came time for the yard sale, it was hard to let go,  why such a connection to those clothes?   Was it because they were my "fat clothes"?, and I was afraid of gaining the weight again? But some of them were made especially for me by my mom, so many years ago.   My mom, a professional seamstress, could make anything by looking at a picture.   And I had some beautiful clothes.   Was the connection I had to the clothes the fact that my mom made them, and by letting them go, it was as if I was once again letting go of a little bit of her, a little bit that I can never get back.   I struggled with it for awhile, but in the end, they all went in the yard sale, resolving to let someone else have pretty clothes also,  and those that did not sale, were given to a charity consignment shop that helps animals be adopted.   Okay I saved a couple of things,  one a blouse that she did beautiful embroidery around the neck and sleeves.   And a sweatshirt that we worked on together that was made for Halloween.   Two special pieces that have truly special memories.      Oh, and I saved a shirt, and a pair of jeans.   the largest clothes I had to wear ever.   Two reminders that never again,  never never ever again will I allow myself to be that size again.  but also a reminder of how hard I have worked to become healthier and more at peace within myself and with myself.  
Life is good and I have been blessed.
til next time
God's blessing upon you and yours
Belinda

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