There just is no excuse so here it goes....

Jan 28, 2009

So alot has happened since I last posted...I dont even know where to start....I guess I will start with dates in order.  Really the biggest thing is that my family and I made it through the holidays without any issues which was really nice but I truly did miss my daughter.  This was the first holiday I have spent without her but I have to accept the fact that she is grown up and moved on with her life, even if it is in Iowa. 

My husband left for North Carolina January 3rd and has now been gone almost a month.  This is the hardest thing I have had to deal with since we have been married.  I should know better though and accept the fact, again, that since I married into the military that I am quite lucky that he has never deployed or been gone for more than 2 1/2 months in the 16 years we have been together.  Of course that doesnt make this any easier though. Originally we planned on my moving to NC as soon as school gets out but all plans have changed.  See the reason I didnt go with my husband to NC was because I am in my last semester of school and did not want to transfer again with this left.  The plan was that as soon as I and the kids were done we were going to pack up and move to NC to be with my husband.  Then comes the news...not just one thing, but a multitude of news....first I am told by the realtors that I have a snowballs chance in hell to sell my house in the time that I want due to the declining market right now...so then we think about turning our house into a rental.  Then we find out that my husband is deploying to Iraq in August and will be gone for over a year.  Financially we have decided that it would be better if we stay here since we already have a house while all this goes down.  Ok...so we stay here...how do I be without my husband and my kids without thier dad for almost 2 years?  Spring break the kids and I are going to NC to spend it with my husband...we come back and then as soon as school gets out for summer we head back to NC for the summer to spend it there with him till he leaves.  I hate this.  I am stressed, not sleeping, not really getting any homework done in school because of all of the above.  I know that this is the right thing to do but it doesnt make it any easier.

Now the next thing, due to all the stress and such...I have lost more weight than I have wanted to.  I have gotten down to 137 lbs now, which is 18 lbs below my target weight and I am worried about when it will stop.  I have gotten down to a size 4, which is way beyond my imagination when i started this but I now want to stop.  I think it looks horrible because I am truly not looking that healthy and I know it.

I dont know...I just want my husband home and this is the true test of everything that is important to me in my life.  I know that my husband and I can make this...but it is not going to be easy.  He currently has 18 years in the Army and I know that a couple of months after he gets back from his deployment that he will be retiring (provided the military lets him) and coming back to us.  I just have to stay positive and take each day at a time.

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