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I think my scale is broken.  It seems to keep giving me lower and lower weights.  I now understand why they tell you your head won't keep up with the weight loss.  I really can't see that I have gone from 237 to 211 in 3 weeks.  Such a strange journey I'm on!

I am now so far into the liver shrinking diet, I am having visions of sugar plums.  Okay, maybe not sugar plums, but definitely sugar.  I seem to think about it constantly.  I am having to find all sorts of things to keep me from eating carbs.  Except cleaning my house, I'm so not that desperate yet.  I'm about a pound away from where I wanted to be for surgery, and still have 3 days to get there, so I think I shall be able to meet that goal. 

I am a bad carbs addict.  I am not an emotional eater, I actually tend to lose weight when I am stressed out cause I don't eat.  I just really, really like sugary carby things.  It's only my liver that seems to take issue with that.  Non alcoholic steatohepatic liver disease.  Sheesh.  If anyone ever wondered if sugar is as bad for you as alcohol, yes.  Yes it is.  I only hope my liver will heal itself after the fat comes off.

1 week from today I will be sleeved.

I have found that I am doing better with the pre-op diet.  I have lots of different protein shakes, so I think that helps.  I also drink a lot of non fat chicken broth when I am hungry.  Last night I made chicken with taco seasonings, and threw my portion in some chicken broth with 1 cup of green beans for a soup.  Today I will be getting kale as my green veggie, so I get a nice vitamin punch.  I think that at some lean ham will make a nice soup for dinner.  

My husband is on board completely.  He is also looking to lose some weight, so it's nice to have each other to lean on.  I can't imagine doing this without his support.  Although we miss the junk food, both of us are really happy to see our daughter make better nutritional choices now.  We don't talk about dieting, we talk about making choices that give our body the best fuel it needs.  I don't want her to start the diet cycle in high school like I did.   No cabbage soup diet for her :-)

Okay, so back in 2008, I was going to have RNY.  But just as I got approved, my husband got a job offer that meant I could move back to where my family was.  I decided to wait on the surgery, and make the move instead.

After many detours, here I am again.  This time though, I will be doing the VSG.  I'm actually convinced it all happened the way it was meant to be.  I'm very excited to have this option that wasn't there 6 years ago.  In the past 6 years, I have done what I always do.  Lose weight, put it back on, lose weight, put it back on.  So I'm still the same starting weight I was then.  Sigh.

I'm also on day 7 of my pre-op liquid diet, so I'm not exactly right in the head.  I'm hungry, and little lightheaded.  But every day I have chosen to stick with it.  I don't worry if I will stick with it tomorrow.  Today, I am strong enough for this.  And I've already lost 10 pounds.

Surgery is scheduled April 1st.  Bring it on. 

Today my case is being submitted to the insurance company for approval.  The insurance co will assign a case # and case worker.  That case worker will contact the surgeons office for the clinicals... then I'll hear whether or not I'm approved.  I really hope this doesn't take months.  I'm hoping our insurance company is easy to work with, and signs off on it all.  It would be nice to have this all done before the summer months get here!  I'd really like to be losing during the summer, so I can wear shorts, and maybe even take my daughter to the swimming pool!

I did it.  I quit caffeine.  Up and cold turkey quit caffeine.  I have never in my life had such a large and all consuming headache.  I was actually sick to my stomach.  It's funny, I never realized the strength of that particular drug of choice.  My goodness... I quit smoking (in 97), quit caffeine, and very soon will quit overeating.  What vices will I have left?  I'm not a big drinker.  I'm not a huge gambler.  I don't do drugs, even pain pills make me sick to my stomach.  I guess I'll have to be one of those people that is high on life.  

Still no word from the surgeon's office.  I'm going to have to break down and call and see where my file stands.  I don't even know if it has been submitted to insurance for approval yet.  I don't know why I feel guilty about calling, it HAS been three weeks.  

We'll have the funds as soon as our tax return comes in.  It's a nice one this year... and then maybe we'll get this tax rebate that is in the news.  That will be money my husband can go out and play with.  He sure deserves it after all the support he is giving me!

It's been a couple of weeks since my eval appts.  No new news to report.  I am not going to call and check in, I don't want to bother an already overworked person.  But it is hard to wait.  

One observation the psch. had was that I am very textile... eating for me isn't really emotional (I actually stop eating when I am stressed) but it sure is all about the sensation.  I love the feel of food.  I love cooking.  I love prepping the food for cooking.  Texture of food is very important.  It was like that when I was a smoker (quit in 97!!)  I loved the feeling of pulling one out of the pack, lighting it.  Rolling it inbetween my fingers.  I missed that part so much when I quit smoking... to this day, I have a tendency to roll paper absentmindedly.  

When I do a jigsaw puzzle, it takes me awhile.  I like to feel each piece before I place it.  I leave the loose pieces in the box, so I can run my fingers thru them when I am looking for what part to put together next.  For some reason, it makes me very mellow and calm.

So that is what I am working on now... not just grazing thru the kitchen because I want something in my hands, but find something else that fufills that need.  Needless to say, my dogs have gotten the very real benefit of having me stroke them all the time.  They love the extra attention, and I have something warm and soft and silky to play with.  Dogs rock :-)

Okay, had the surgeon appt, the nutritionist, the pysch eval... now I play the waiting game.  I got alot of information in a very short period of time, so it's actually nice to have some time to digest it all and put it in perspective.

Right now, my BIG thing is getting my fitness routine down.  I wanted to do my bike indoors, but it hurts my back too much.  So I'm doing the WATP DVD's.  Painful for my left foot, but that will ease a bit after weight loss.  I have to go very slow, which is hard mentally for me, but it's not the fitness part that matters yet, just the routine.  I want to be prepared for getting this body back in shape!

I haven't cut out caffiene yet.  Hey, one big thing at a time, right?  I am limiting myself to 2 cups a day.  I'll go half caf once I get my date scheduled, then cold turkey during my 10 day liquid diet.  

I'm also practicing sipping water all day.  It's harder then it looks.  Oh, and using my toddler's fork and spoon.  She thinks its funny.  I do too :-)

So I'm gearing up for the new lifestyle.  I'm ready. 

I met with my nutrionist today.  She was awesome.  I walked away with such a better understanding of how the surgery affects how we process, digest and absorb food.  I was actually worried she'd look down on me for being overweight and such, but of course she did not.  It was a completely comfortable experience.  I'm soaking in the good experiences now, because I know I'll have some rough ones afterwards.  

I think I'm going to get a few protein power samples so I can find one I like for the 10 pre-surgery weight loss fest.  I'm also going to try to spend some time on my bike with the trainer, so I can get the excersize portion ramped up.  I can't do walking, I have a physical disability that makes it hard.  But I can bike.  So there are no excuses for not getting my cardio in, just opportunities for creativity.  

I'm excited tonight.  I'm really getting to do this.  I'm going to be able to fight being overweight from the other end of the scale.  I'm going to get rid of my sleep apnea.  I'm going to walk with much less pain.  I'm going to lose weight in 2008!

My husband and I met with Dr Fedorak.  It was wonderful.  I like the way we were talked to, and I like his ideas and knowledge.  I scheduled my meetings with the nutrionist and headshrinker on Jan 3 and 4 respectively.   It sounds like our insurance is actually easy to work with, and they have already verified coverage (which is very different from approval, of course).  So I'll try to get thru the rest of the holidays without gaining any weight, and start gearing up in the new year for a new me.

Wow, for once, that New Year's resolution to lose weight might actually work.  What a powerful thought that is!