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So here it is... At least a start of it.
Since I was really young, can't pin point my age around 5-7 years old, i was chubby, overweight, bigger then most of the people around me. Yes my family thought i was adorable. Around that time, I got nick names like big ann in Vietnamese, fatty and others I rather not think about said to me on a regular basis by my family and their friends. They thought it was harmless and that I don't know much and I'm just a kid, it won't affect her... Well as much as I would cry, complain, yell, every thought they were older and wiser and harmless. Well when I was in my elementary school, I got picked on by these two girls that kept calling me fat and I would cry all the time about it. My sister and brother went to scare them and that stopped. But growing up in school was hard, being the bigger person, not many people wanted to be around me. Sure I would have friends and stuff but I always felt alone. It didn't stop there, trying to fit in during middle school was hard and by the time I got to high school, I didn't give a crap anymore. I had low self-esteem, no confidence, and thought no one cared or liked me so I just made friends but never really trusted anyone. I guess you can say I was longing and still am for acceptance. I live in Orange County and you can imagine, the superficial atmosphere I'm around on a daily basis, I believe I'm content with myself but I avoid to look at myself. like really really look at myself. I went through like trying all the diets I can and it just came to a point where I gave up, I accepted I will be big and that I had lost the battle. I would snap everytime anyone mention my weight. I would snap when people talked about other's weight. I became such an angry individual. I've tried communicating with my family that their words hurt 1000 times more then anyone elses and that just didn't seem to matter.
I'm seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist currently because there is issues I need to learn to get over and deal with. It's a really really hard journey that won't end until I say it will and accept me for who I am. I'm not doing this surgery for anyone else but myself. I deserve to be happy and healthy and not live in this torturous guilt. I'm done and sick of being miserable I deserve it!
