standdiana
My weight issues began at age 12. After a summerlong traumatic experience, I became bulemic, a shameful secret which kept my weight in check for 23 years. I gave the outward impression of health and fitness, excelling in whatever endeavors I chose to undertake, working out and being able to show off an incredibly slender and toned body.
At the age of 30, I decided to return to school to pursue a law degree. I excelled in the academic arena as well, and after completing my undergraduate degrees, was accepted into BC Law school, which at the time was one of the top 20 law schools in the US. After the first year, I fell into a deep depression and was unable to pull myself out of it.
Actually, the depression was another shameful little secret I had been keeping all those years. Back then, depression was not something that the general public was aware of, and although I knew that occasionally I would have periods of time (anywhere from 1 day to two weeks) in which I was completely unable to function, I had no clue as to what was wrong with me, and simply made up various excuses for why I was unable to work.
This time, being unable to pull out of the depression, I left school. And the bulemia simply stopped. Just like that. To be more accurate, the purging stopped, but the binging continued. Before, it was so all about what I looked like, and after I left school, I simply didn't care. I didn't care about much of anything.
And so the weight climbed. And climbed. It took me two years to gain 125 pounds, and there I stayed. Actually, there were some diets during those years, but whatever I managed to lose, I always regained. And then some.
I had been severely depressed since 1993. Tried numerous and multiple meds. Bipolar was diagnosed in 1995. More meds. By January, 2005 I was moderately depressed and occasionally mildly manic. I was sick of all the medications and sick of how they made me feel like a walking (or sleeping) zombie. I stopped taking all medication, against the advice of my physician and therapist. It has been a struggle, (and to the surprise of my pcp and therapist) but I have pretty much maintained the condition I was in when I let go of the meds (mildly to moderately depressed and mildly to moderately manic). WooHoo!
Back in 2004, I had asked my pcp about bariatric surgery. She was adamantly opposed to such a drastic step, stressing over and over that one of the possible outcomes of the surgery was death. She put me on another diet. Which ultimately failed, of course.
This past March, I ran into my cousin, who I hadn't seen in over a year. I didn't recognize her because of the 145 pounds she had dropped. She told me about her gastic bypass and introduced me to the wonderful surgical track weight loss program at UMass. I found a new pcp who was not opposed to wls and who, by the way, is a much more involved and thorough doctor than was my last one. I entered the UMass program in May, am quite thankful that my insurance approved without so much as a recommendation from my pcp, and my surgery date is November 16.
I have recently begun menopause. I have a supportive husband who has agreed to make lifestyle changes along with me. I have two daughters, ages 10 and 18 (and pregnant - BIG SIGH). I have an incredible therapist who has been with me every step of the way and who will continue to help me through the changes I am about to encounter.
Although I have been visiting to this website for several months, I just recently became an active participant and I am amazed and so very very thankful for the incredible amount of support I have found here (hold on, I have to stop and cry for a minute - this happens a lot lately, and my kind support people from OH have reassured me that at this point in the journey it is completely natural).
My new life is about to begin!
