lori L.
It's taken me almost 6 years to get to a surgery date........ Indecision and life kept me from taking
care of myself. On November 10th. at 257 lbs. all that changes. I take the leap of faith many of you have taken
and I start a new life. One of health and happiness.
In 1996 I weighed about 180 lbs I spent week after week after week wondering what was wrong with me. Why was I the fat one? All I wanted was to be able to dress in pretty clothes, wear high heels to church and live the lives that I thought others around me were living( as a size 8 :). I continued to go to church and EVERY POTLUCK!! even though I felt out of place
Through out the next few years my Dad had a stroke, my brother had his first heart attack, My girls started to date. I worked with After Prom. Life snowballed with THINGS TO DO... You know the drill.
I stayed home with my children ( 8 years) so I didn't have to go outside of the house much and I didn't have to have those feelings but maybe once a week or so. However going to my 2 girls school functions were horrible. I didn't want to be seen, talked to or noticed. I was sure every one was talking behind my back because they could see the extra 10 lbs I had put on since the last time I had see them. Seeing my Mom and Dad was even worse. They always had something to say about someones weight ( under the guise of looking after their health).
In 2003 I started reading and studying WLS but I had it in my mind that I could do it myself so I just kind of toyed with it a bit. I put the idea of WLS on the back burner while my children finished high school and I went back to work full time. I wanted to look like all the other girls in the office but knew I never would.
Late 2007 I got the WLS fever again and knew that I truly needed help. I had tried everything known to man at that point and nothing had worked. Between stress, work, family and dogs there was no way I could work this out for myself. I prayed and prayed for God to help me with my weight. It wasn't his fault I couldn't loose. It was a lack on my part to believe that there was help out there. I found Dr Voellinger on OH and contacted his office in March of 2008. He is a a Wonderful man who really cares about his patients. who talked me through all of the ins and out of WLS. I was Rocking and ready to go. Then life started to change.
Feb- A dear friend died of cancer
May - My brother had open heart surgery
June- My father-in-law had open heart surgery with valve replacement
July- My Nephew (Kenny the light of my life) was killed in Iraq
August- My eldest daughter go married expectantly(to a man we had not met and moved to California)
August- Kenny was brought home and buried in his home town
August- My Husband had a mental breakdown
September- my job had a reorganization ( I got to keep my job)
September- My father enters the hospital with Sepis (He is still in a rehab center as of 11/16/08)
October -my youngest daughter adamantly states she does not want me to have surgery
October- Wachovia had a reorganization ( so far my husband has gotten to keep his job)
I could see November looming in closer and closer and no way to take time out for me.
Dr Voellinger's office helped keep me grounded through all of this. Calls from Kendra (psyche) e- mails from Kim and knowing that someone was on my side working to help make me healthy was a big help during our family trials.
As time got closer My husband decided that it was time for us to just put one foot in front of the other and go It was time for my sweet Bob to take care of me and help me make my dreams come true.
The day we were to leave for Charlotte NC for surgery. My brother called to tell me that a long time childhood friend had died from a heart attack. I was crying as I drove out of the driveway for my friend. But after all the months and years I was crying also for myself. That God has allowed me to have the opportunity to change.The blessings that he has bestowed upon me are amazing.
I arrived at the hospital and within an 1 1/2 hour I saw Dr V and one of his nurses. He assured me that I would be taken care of and gave me a big hug before he walked into operating room.
I've come a long way since 2003 but through it all the one thing that has stayed constant is how I felt about myself. The low self-esteem, hating to leave the house and such. That may seem selfish under the circumstances and with all that God has blessed me through. But, my circumstances were put in place by my Heavenly Father and I know he is never wrong and his timing is always correct. So with that It mind my surgery was performed and now all I must do is rely upon him for all my needs.
I now have to learn that I don't have to be the best dressed at church. I just have to have my heart right with God and he will lead me through out each and every day of my life. It really doesn't matter if I'm big or small, as long as I have God. I've got it all........He loves me with every fiber (HA HA) of his being (get it ? spirits don't have fibers Ha Ha)
