Syn352
Hello my name is Cynthia and I've been overweight my entire life. I never really thought much about my weight when I was a child because being from a Southern Family it was normal to always be eating. I remember my granny (God rest her soul) telling people that if they didn't eat, it would hurt her feelings, and no one would dare hurt Grannies feelings.... So we ate.... As I got older and the pounds packed on I soon realized I was different from the other kids, I looked different and I was unable do the same things they did...
I remember how I always hated gym class because the things that were easy for the other kids were always so much harder for me. I couldn't hold out to run the track like they could, I couldn't do chin ups like them, and because I was bigger then them I hated dressing out for fear that someone would see just how big I really was. I always dreaded that time of year when they weigh you because I knew the teacher would call out my weight and everyone would know just how much I weighed, and I hate to admit it but I was... "The Fat Kid".
Yeah being the "Fat Kid" was not fun at all, it hurt to be teased and made fun of (kids can be so cruel)... I remember going home, feeling sad and alone like no one liked me and that's when the "Fat Kid" logic kicked in (I'm already fat and kids tease me so what difference does it make) So to cope with the hurt it was just easier to eat.
As time went on I got even bigger and the "Fat Kid" turned into the "Fat Adult" who now had some health issues. Some of these issues led to me having problems during my pregnancy which resulted in my Daughter being delivered 2 months early (3 pounds but perfectly healthy). As we all know a birth is such a happy time in our lives and things really seemed like they were going good for me, I was a stay at home Mom raising a beautiful little baby, I had a nice house, and no major worries so in celebration... I ATE!
Needless to say that happiness don't last when your cheated on so 3 years after my Daughter was born my relationship with her Father went south... there I was 36 years old, no job, no money, no place to live, Raising a small child with no help from the deadbeat and massive stress. Depression soon kicked in and to help me cope I AGAIN turned to food.
SLOOOOWLY over the past few years I've been putting the pieces of my life back together and I must say it hasn't been easy, the one constant thing that I've held onto all these years has been the comfort I've found in food, it's never turned me away, it's never told me I wasn't good enough, it's never judged me and it's ALWAYS been there.
But you know sometimes this thing called LIFE steps in, b*tch slaps you, turns your world up side down and makes you realize.... Threes more important things to hold onto!
Almost a year ago LIFE stepped up and b*tch slapped me, I had a health scare and it made me take a good LONG hard look at myself. In doing that I forced myself to actually see myself and admit that I'm not only Fat but I'm unhealthy and if I don't lose some of this weight I'm gonna DIE!
For me dying is not an option! I don't want the single most important thing in my life ... MY DAUGHTER ... to see me die! I choose to hold onto her and be around to see her grow up, graduate, get married and have children of her own. I want to be healthy for her as well as myself and in order to do that I had to quit listening to the "Fat Kid"
So that's my journey so far ... I checked into the lap band, decided that it was something I definitely want to do and well here I am... I just turned 40, I'm scheduled for surgery on March 15 and I'm excited to get my new life started ... GOODBYE "FAT KID!!"
