New Life Eve

Aug 26, 2013

Tomorrow is the big day.  I went through my OMGosh (scared/anxious) about 6 weeks ago.  Now I'm just ready to "git-r-done."  (Geez, did I really just quote that?)  

This started as a severe hiatal hernia consult with a specialist.  It has turned into fixing that AND gastric bypass surgery.  Never, ever thought I would be a WLS patient.  Truly.  Oh, sure, I'd looked at the literature.  I'd talked to friends who had it done.  And then I'd chuck it all and think, "That is so NOT me."  

What part wasn't me?  Well, the whole artificial thing.  I remember as a kid being annoyed with people who dyed their hair or spackled on their makeup.  "Why aren't you just being yourself?" was my constant wonder.  Perhaps it was because my dad, on the outside of our family, was a "great guy" but inside our house was a dark cloud of alcoholism and abuse.  I hated the facade.  The charade when we went out that everything was fine.  I guess that's where my distaste for people "hiding" behind color or makeup or whatever, irritated me so.

I don't own any makeup.  I don't put on nail polish.  I feel like an alien when I do that.  I look down and think, "These are not my hands."   Yes, I did go through phases of makeup.  High school, of course.  Then when I worked speaking programs at Busch Gardens, it was mandatory.  My wedding.  My sister's wedding.  My best friend's wedding. But at age 47, I don't own any makeup.

So here I am.  On the cusp of WLS.  An artificial means to an end. I had to come to terms with that.  Not sure I fully have yet.  To me, this is still the repair of a severe hitatal hernia with extra tacked on at the advice of my doctor.  I refuse to say, "I'm having gastric bypass surgery."  I tell people the truth, that it's a double procedure and I always feel compelled to make sure they know this was doctor referred.  Why am I so reticent to just say, "HEY!!!  I'M HAVING GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY!!!"  

I know the answer.  I just can't say it.  

What I can say is:  I'm looking forward to this.  I'm pleased with the inches that have seemingly melted off with the two week Pre-op diet.  I'm happy to say hello to old clothes when the time comes.  I'm eager to get off of certain meds & avoid the diabetic bullet that is hurling my way.  \

Yep, happy, pleased, eager, and yet, I still can't say it.  But I'm showing up at the hospital tomorrow happy to do it.  

How odd.

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