Rachael Richardson
Right now I feel like a total failure. I was not obese during childhood or high school and even in my 20s I was healthy, and physically active. I feel as if I do not have an excuse to be overweight because there was a time I could diet and it worked.
I am now depressed, and feel like I need help. I am in psycho therapy for depression which is a result from being overweight. However, the weight is not budging and I am feeling worse every month as it pertains to my health (knees and hips ache!!!!)
What I am CERTAIN is that I can't continue to live like this..and every day I face the humiliating, medically dangerous, and depressing issues related to being morbidly obese.
I am a licensed social worker and empower others to help themselves but darn..I can't seem to loose weight and use the same principles on myself.
I dread when I drop something on the ground as it is hard to bend over or down with out feeling like I am going to fall over.
I have been asked "when are you due" and others sometimes stare and I know they are curious if I am pregnant. I actually want to have a baby now and can't because my menstrual cycle is now not consistent. What is really scary is my OB doctor warned me of the complications associated with morbidly obese women and pregnancy!
I played soccer and danced all through elementary and high school. I told myself if I gain weight I will just exercise it off, however, has I got older that concept was not as easy as I thought. I always had to "watch" what I ate being a dance major in college and I was never a skinny woman..but I was healthy!!!!
At about the age of 33 the weight just kept coming & coming.
Right now I struggle to get up due to exhaustion in the am let alone hit the gym after work.
I have been told by some friends, "why surgery??..keep trying to loose, exercise more, say no to sweets or you have a pretty face who cares if you are overweight!" I have learned that although they care..they have no idea what it is like.
Yes!! I have tried dance classes, treadmill, eliptical, intensive boot camp for women, nutritionists, weight watchers, Atkins, Jenny Craig, walking at lunch time, and the weight loss drug Meridia. Not to mention anti- depressants and behavior modification psycho-therapy.
Is there anything else I missed except trying to starve myself!!!
I am now totally discouraged from trying so hard and not seeing the scale budge.
I want to enjoy the things I did when I was a healthy weight.
I actually miss the mental rush I had from running or hiking. Now when I attempt to walk on the treadmill or take a walk my knees and hips ache. Just going grocery for 20 minutes I feel the strain on my joints (I am 5'2).
I do not expect to be the size I was at 25, and I embrace my natural curves
, however, I want to have that zest for life again, and be healthy!!!
