thachoclatediva

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i have taken to crying myself to sleep

i sit
typing this
allowing the shelf under my computer
to dig deeper into my shins than ever before
lines from previous scratches made this evening
are faint
lf a centimeter deep
deep red at the base
it hurts
but i want it to hurt
because i am sad

i am sad
because i am fat

at least i have it figured out

i hate looking at myself
i hate knowing what i look like
i am sickened by my disproportion
by my girth and cellulite
i hate how i lack the will to change
the will to stop eating

i don't understand how you can call me beautiful
because all i see is ugly
ugly ugly ugly fat

i hate my ugly fat self

sometimes i just wish i would die
so there would be more space

it's amazing how i can be so big
and feel so little sometimes