theatergirl29
The waiting is the hardest part...
Apr 08, 2009
I think that Tom Petty was right on with this song lyric.....the waiting IS the hardest part. At least for now it is. I decided in December that I was having RNY Gastric Bypass Surgery. And every day since then I become a little more obsessed with having the surgery and starting my new life. This is my first blog on this website. I wanted a place to blog specifically about how I am feeling regarding this part of my life and this website seemed like a great place to do just that. So.....here is a little about me and where I am in my journey.I am 33 years old and recently married the man of my dreams. I have been "heavy" all my life and have really never let my size deter me from doing anything. Recently however, I have realized that in fact, my weight is hindering my happiness. Not my self esteem, or my self confidence, because I love myself. But my total happiness is being held back because of my weight. I want to be a mother more than anything in the world and one of my co morbidities is PCOS. Anyone who has PCOS knows that often infertility is a major side efect. I have definitely been struggling in this area. I have other co morbidities as well, but the realization that my weight might keep me from ever getting pregnant finally sent me over the edge. I have to lose weight...I have to do this for me.
After making the decision to have surgery, I have been going through many different emotions. I am nervous, scared and sooooo excited about the changes that are looming on the horizon for me. I am nervous about becoming a new me....about being in a body that I don't recognize. I am scared about how the change might affect relationships that I hold so dear. I am excited to get to work and start this journey. I am looking forward to working out and eating right and seeing the payoff for all the hard work. Something that I haven't seen in the past. I am looking forward to being as successful at weightloss as I have been in other areas of my life. I literally cannot wait to start this journey!
So, where am I in my journey?? I have Cigna insurance, and my surgery will be covered. However, I was required to have 6 consecutive monthly doctor visists focusing on weight loss before Cigna will approve. On Monday I will have my 5th visit. I have already been through the psych evaluation and am scheduled for my nutritional consult in two weeks. I am on my way.....but the closer I get the more obsessed I get. That is part of my personality though. Once I set my sights on a goal I won't let up until I reach it. In the future I will be blogging about alot of my goals and my plans for acheiving them.
I am in the process of collecting as much information about the surgery and days after that I can. I have read books about the surgery. One in particular that I recommend is by the Dr. from the TV show "Big Medicine". The title of the book is The Experts Guide to Weight Loss Surgery by Dr. Garth Davis. It was VERY informative. I read it in 2 days because I could not put it down. It is like the What to expect book of WLS. I have also been wearing out You Tube watching all the video blogs of individuals and their journeys. I plan on documenting my transformation with videos as well.
I had a realization today in the shower. When I lose weight and reach my goal, if the Good Lord blesses me wtih a child, that child will never know me as I am now. My future baby (ies) will not know that their momma was once so fat that tying her shoes often spawned heavy breathing. My baby(ies) will have a healthy momma.....and I cannot tell you how exciting it is for me to think about that!
I guess I will stop blogging now. As you can see, I rarely find myself speechless! I am sure to have many blogs to follow and I look forward to reading the blogs of others. If you read this and want to comment...please do! I am looking forward to connecting with others who are taking back control of their lives and journeying down this same path.
Good Luck.....and God Bless!
