September 2009

Sep 26, 2009

I have still maintained that 30 lb. weight gain after my divorce.  I have found it so hard to get off.  Weighing at the doctors on Monday, 188 lbs.  I would like to get down to 155 again and would be very happy at that weight.  That is my goal.

I still have not met anyone special in my life after my husband.  That was one of the hardest events in my life.  I did get pregnant last year.  This was not on purpose, so it was a oops pregnancy.  I weighed on the day I knew, 177 lbs.  That made me feel better that I wasn't carrying as much weight as I thought I would.  Sadly enough though, I had a miscarriage in Dec. 2008.  My after pregnancy weight was at 181 lbs.  This traumatic event brought my weight up to 194 lbs.  There is no way I am going to let myself get to 200, so I dropped about 10 right away.

Now in my life I am looking to date again.  I posted an ad on one of the online dating sites.  I have had a great response to the ad and started planning dates.  Before any of my date nights came up, I had a party to attend with my work.  I was shocked to see the pictures of me.  I was HUGE!!!!  Ok, so the outfit didn't do me any good, but it was a reality check that I had put on more than I expected.   This put a serious dent in my mind, and I decided "no more games".  I wanted people to like me for me, so I took a few pictures of the entire me and sent them to those that I had planned dates with.  Not one person was bothered by the weight, which was great.

It's not that I really gained anymore weight over the last 3 years of my life, but the weight has shifted.  I am still small on top, but very bottom heavy.  My weight is carried now more in my thighs and butt.  My tummy tuck has stood very strong and it still looks good.  Still flat, with just a little padding underneath, but no overhanging.

The internet dating thing has been okay for me.  No one special yet.  I still want to get pregnant in the near future.  I just turned 39, so it's time.  Now that I took some reality pictures of me, I hope it will scare me into putting more attention into what and when I eat.

No one ever said this was the easy way out.  And it's not.  It is a life long responsibility to myself, and I just have to remind myself of that.

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