tickles
I don't have much of a story. I have fought being big all my life. My entire family was big and I always said I would never let mine get out of control. Meaning, I have always been big but not as big as most of my sisters and brothers. Honestly that is basically what I judged it by. I stayed active through my teens and twenties I always stayed around 200 pounds. My family was big boned 200 pounds was good for me. (That’s what I told myself to keep me satisfied anyway.) Then I hit thirty. At thirty I got a desk job and began working really long hours, munching in the office, and stopped exercising. I really stopped going anywhere much. I went to work and then home. I would go to the gym and work out a week, or 3 weeks; or I would work out a day here or a day there. As soon as I started making progress something in my life would give me a good excuse to stop. I did every diet I could in the past 10 years trying to get back in control but nothing is working. I just can't get it. I lied to myself so many times saying, "You are fine the way you are. My husband always acted happy with me no matter how big I get and loves me no matter what. But, you know, it isn't all about looks. I don't feel good any more. I don't feel like doing the things I use to do. I hurt all the time. I do things but I force myself to do them. I am tired of this life and I want to be healthier, lose weight, become more active, and enjoy life.
