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Welp.. I am on my soft diet now.. Eating Mashed Potatoes and Mac&Cheese (chewing well).. I even had some Raveoli.. I know this stuff isn't very healthy but I really don't have a lot of options to choose from.. But I do plan to eat healthy things and well balanced meals when I start my regular diet. I hope I can tolerate everything well.

Also I lost 29 lbs so far.. 17lbs after surgery and 12lbs before surgery. So together it's 29lbs. Yay.. 28 days till my birthday too.. I'll be 20 years old..

My grandmother is still in the hospital on a feeding tube and some other tubes going straight to her heart.. She has pneumonia too.. She might be getting out of the hospital if my mom and aunt can take care of her.. If not she will be transfered to a place where it's kind of between hospital sickness and nursing home.. But it's not a hospital or a nursing home.. That's how my mom explained it.. Not too sure what it is.

I'm sorry for not replying to messages in my inbox.. I want to thank everyone for their concerns and prayers and best wishes for me and my Meme. I got out just the next day after surgery.. I'm still in pain right now but it's going away every day.. Not doing well on the protein and vitamin stuff.. I'm alittle confused on them and plus it tastes NASTY.. I am walking a lot though.. I'm trying to eat every 2 hours like I'm suppose to.. I can't keep up with time too well..  That's about it right now..

In the hospital they weighed me and I'm not 544lbs instead of 556lbs.. Yay.. I lost 12lbs in one month from not drinking sodas.. Woohoo..

Sigh.. It's finally here.. Well.. Almost.. It's tomorrow.. Sept 17th.. and I'm going to be having surgery.. I'm very nervous.. scared, dreading.. more than I am excited.. 99.9% dread and .1% excited..  Lastime I checked I was 556lbs and my surgeon said he hasn't done many patients in my weight range and the ones he has done he almost lost them during surgery. That's what I think I heard.. He might of said that to scare me into losing weight and doing well. Not sure.. My mom thinks so. But anyhoot.. Sigh..

Also.. My grandmother is having surgery tomorrow.. She's got a bowl obstruction.. We're both in different hospitals.. Doctors and surgeon says she has a low chance of surviving surgery.. *whine* ;; Damn it.. It's just no right that this is happening like this.. I wont have my family there to support me.. My mom can't be with her mom.. Today could be the last day she could see her.. and I told her she should go tomorrow and be there.. Cause I'll be asleep most of the time I think.. And I'll be worrying about her.. not knowing how she is.. *sigh..* It's just awful.. I don't care at all for tomorrow.. I want the surgery but I'm scared to have it.. but I'll get through it.. I hope.. I just need to get past those 2 days in there and get home.. sigh.. I just want this all to be over with..

I am sooo tired of going to the OH chatroom! Everyone there are just IDIOTS!  Everytime I go there they all think they know everything and they don't. They are complete jerks! They got me all worried about the catheter cause they made me think they put it in when you're awake. I'm 19 and I lived a sheltered life cause of my weight and being so young I never had surgery so I had no idea about what a catheter even was. I asked them and they all teased me like I'm stupid and scared me. I worried for 2 days till I could call the DR's office and ask them about it. So that's taken care of and then today I asked them about the liquid diet and again they were jerks. Especially Alan and CD and kathywii! I'm not going back in there for help again. I'll just go to the forums this time. I've talked to other people on there and they pretty much agree with me on the chatroom and they say that's why they don't go in there anymore and stick to the forums when they have questions. The chatroom does NOT help you anymore unless you want to get hackled and made fun of instead of getting support and making friends and meet nice people. OH Chatroom is not for any of that.

So a few days ago I was in the OH chatroom and someone mentioned a Catheter.. I never had surgery before and I had no idea what the heck they was talking about! So I asked and they were like "Are you kidding me? You're in for a big surprise" They wouldn't tell me. I don't know why.. They were kinda being mean and making fun. Anyhoot so I looked it up and I got sick! So for 2 days I been worrying about getting a catheter!! I called the doctors office and they told me I won't even know I had it cause they put it in when you are asleep and take it out before you wake up. Whew! but for 2 days I been worried sick to my stomach, almost threw up.. :( But all is good now.. I'm no longer worried and NOW (again) I am looking foward to my surgery date.. Sighhh!

Okay! Update on the diet! I am still drinking water instead of sodas. I go through 3 or 4 bottles of Dasani  a day. Maybe more. I dunno. I'll count next time. I did however gave in to a ice cream sprite float. (sprite and ice cream = good) But it was just one day. ):! I feel bad about it. But It's still better than drinking 6 Sprites a day and having ice cream every night before bed. I don't know how much I lost.. I may or may not be 556lbs now. I might have lost some weight, I wish I knew. But the diet is still going good. No sodas and no ice cream..

I am actually surprising myself right now. Dr. Barker told me he'd like me to lose 20lbs before he does the surgery on me. He'll still do the surgery on me whether or not I lose it or gain anymore pounds but I really want to do this.. Not just because of that but also I need to start getting used to my post-op diet.

So as of.. YESTERDAY.. I have stopped drinking sodas.. I usually drink about 4 or 5 a day.. Sometimes I go over that.. It's awful! I just LOVE to have something to drink and it's just always soda.. My mom would have to go buy a new 12 pack.. sometimes 24 pack every 2 or 4 days.. So really the first thing that made me stop was I need to get used to the post-op diet.. Later my mom told me if I don't drink ANY more sodas for a whole month.. I might lose 20lbs.. So that's a good bonus to make Dr. Barker happy.

I'm also not eating any more ice cream.. and I'm trying to eat less.. I like to eat when I get bored and I'm not doing that anymore.. Trying. I try to put my mind on something else. It really does help that I'm lazy and I don't want to get up to fix anything to eat, Haha!

Kay! So I went to my 2nd consult today and I talked to Dr. Barker (My surgeon) He was disappointed.. I gained 22lbs in 6 months. :( So was I.. He told me it's already unsafe for him to be doing the surgery on me and I should try to lose at least 20lbs before the surgery date. Pretty much impossible I think.. If I could lose 20lbs in one month I think I'd be doing that already.. no surgery needed.. So I'm a little nervous.. I think I'm going to start the liquid diet not just one week before surgery but sooner.. to help lower the risk of anything going on in surgery..

ANYWAYS! The date is September 17th.. Please everyone pray for me.. I need it..

I was watching The View the other day and one of the topics somebody brought up was Obese Children. I was a obese child.. and now I'm a super super morbidly obese man. One of the women was saying that people (the parents mostly) should say to the child.. that they are indeed fat.. instead of sugar coating it and saying the ever popular phrase "No, you're not fat. You're big boned." or.. "That's just baby fat, nothing to worry about." Because if you just go right out and say it "You are fat" whether it will hurt their feelings or not, they can work on it. You (the parents) can help them work on it.. instead of just saying "No honey, you are just big boned." Which is going to make the child confused and also think they are fine and do nothing about this real serious problem.

When I was a kid I was fat.. at age 16 I was already 390lbs.. I been fat my whole life pretty much.. If my mom would have told me I was fat maybe I wouldn't be like this.. If someone would have just sat me down, told me I was fat and that it is possible to lose weight and maybe have someone help me do it.. I wouldn't be like this right now. I wouldn't have missed 8 years of my life.. I could have enjoyed them. This is what I think parents should do now with their kids. Sit them down, tell them they are fat and if they want to have a nice long healthy life here is what they got to do now and they will help them do it.

Actually.. I propose not only the parents do this.. but the schools too. They should weigh each children and if they are overweight they should schedule a time with the child and parent(s) and privately talk to them about the matter seriously. Maybe not weigh each children.. but maybe selected ones that our obviously overweight. It's just a idea off the top of my mind right now. I think it's a pretty good one though.

My tests were finished and then after that my mother kind put off on making an appointment with Dr. Barker.. She's a busy woman and forgets a lot while she's at work.. which is when she is suppose to make the call.. She finally does it.. The time comes and I have no clothes to wear. ._. Yay holes in your pant crotch! Wooohooo! So anyways.. she made another appointment and we ordered clothes online and now we're scheduled for August 2nd.. We ordered $400 worth of clothes. Shirts, pants, pajama pants, undies.. It was all $200 but my mom is obsessed with buying me other colors besides black. -_- I don't wear anything besides black! Unless it's just inside the house. I don't want to be a big bright red blob walking in the streets! I don't wanna be noticed! So she had to go and add another $200 so I have other colors besides black. Anyhoot.. I was in the OH Chat room one day and some guy talked about how it's dumb of my surgeon to do WLS on me because I'm too fat and my fat will complicate the surgery.. He got me real scarred but after talking to other people in the OH forums and my good friend Sylv too.. My worried died away because like I already previously mentioned.. My Dr seems very confident to do surgery on me.

I went to my consult.. I worried all day about it but when I got there.. I was at ease because the room was decorated for obese people. It had big comfy chairs and a DVD with a plasma TV so you can watch TV and not be in a uncomfortable silence with a room FULL of strangers. The nurse there I met was incredibly nice and I miss her to this day. My Dr was also nice and very informative and straight forward.. He was very concerned of my health obviously.. He didn't show any signs of doubt and instead seemed very confident he can do the surgery.. He sent mt to get some tests done and that was that..

First I did the sleep studies which I thought would be the easiest thing in the world but turned out to be quite AWFUL!.. I could NOT sleep with the wires and it didn't feel like I did sleep.. Apparently.. the .. VERY CUTE.. sleep study guy there said I was asleep.. very weired.. I could have sworn I was not and instead looking at my cell phone clock every 30minutes.. Did I mention the guy up there was oh my gosh so cute.. I have a CRUSH.. big crush! .. I wish I could have seen him again. >_<~ The 2nd night wasn't as bad as the 1st but I still had the wires on me.. plus I did get to see him again. I was so tempted to ask him for his number. Maybe some other day our paths will cross, haha.

After my sleep study for some reason my chest started to hurt.. I was scared something really bad was wrong.. I went to the OH Chatroom and talked about it where I met my good friend Sylvia who is a nurse and also getting RNY.. She kept pushing me to go to the emergency room but I was scared.. I ended up though waking my mom up and telling her whats wrong but she said it's nothing.. Turns out it wasn't.. It's been hurting for a month or so but it wasn't anything. A week later I went to the cardio thing and they said my heart if fine which you will now read about. It stopped hurting after the cardio test oddly..

My 2nd test was the cardio test thingy.. stress test and whateverness.. My heart is in fine health it seems.. There was another nurse I fell in love with (in my gay way) She was so pretty and very nice and all the nurses up there loved me. I was a little shy because I had to take my shirt off but they was very use to big people that I felt comfortable around them. The one lady I really liked tried to make me feel really comfortable and succeeded too.. She also was the one who stuck me with the IV.. which I was nervous about because I hate shots and this was my first IV.. She just stuck me and it didn't hurt at all.. I thought it was normal for nurses to get it right the first time.. (later on I'll find out that's not true -_-) So anyways.. the only thing uncomfortable was when the other lady was looking at my heart using the ultrasound she tore my skin underneath my chest.. I always had a problem with that.. it stings sometimes. Oi.. but she had to keep pressing on it to see my heart. They put some medicine into me to make my heartbeat go up and it was weired! This turned out to be the easiest part of all the tests..

My 3rd test was the stomach scope which all I have to say was kinda fun because all you do is sleep.. The only bad part was the hospital was.. CRAPPY... and no place to sit and for a 540lb man standing up for about 2 hours is NOT good.. not good at all. It was excruciating.. Ohoh! I do have more to say. When I was called in finally.. I had to go the back and take off my clothes again except my pants finally. put on this stupid gown which I still don't know how to do.. and this mean black lady was all bossing me around and kept rolling her eyes. Made me sad. D: then it was time for the IV part. I was calm about it because I didn't know it was so hard to do it because the last lady had no problem. x.x So this lady does it.. misses or gets a bad vein.. I dunno.. My arm started to swell up in that area.. she left the IV in it and kept pushing on the puffy part. Finally takes it out and gives me a bandaid.. The gets this random guy walking by to IV me.. He does it about 4 other times missing or getting a bad vein each time till he finally gets one.. I got about 4 IV things sticking out of me.. he takes em all out. Forgets to bandaid me in one spot.. It was just plain awful..but that was the only bad part of it.. other than that.. it was good.