tinkerbabie29

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well here goes!!!!! I sent my paper work off to Dr.O. It should take about 3 weeks for an apt. I cant wait. Ive been waiting so long to be on the loosing side its almost here. I pray everything goes ok and he says i can do this.

Well its 2009 already. Things are changing slowly. I know what needs to be done. Its just trying to get going. I want so badly to be on the loosing side. Im trying a new diet its the sacred heart diet. Hopefully I can loose enough to get started on a better life. I would like to be off of my blood preasure meds. I would like for my husband to look at me the way he used to. I would like to be able to play with my kids without getting tired. Energy would be nice too!!! I am not scared of dying this year just scared of failing. I know with gods help anything is possible.

That is all that goes thru my head every night. Im scared to go to sleep because im so big i cant breath and my heart might stop. Why did i do this to myself. I am so mad that i am so selfish I cry all the time I just want to get the weight off of me. to play with my kids and to really know in my heart that my husband isnt ashamed of me. How can they not be when Im ashamed of myself. Im 270pnds. That is so gross I dont feel that big. I know i look it when i see a picture of myself. I feel like just screaming and crying. Im so pissed at my self for this. I wish with everything in me I could just get the nerve to walk into the gym. Ive had a membership for over a year and havent had the guts to go in. How stupid is that. I really want this but I want it to happen now without any work, I know its not going to happen like that, This is a new year and new start.