Truckerpatti
Trucker Patti's Journey Back To Life
Mar 11, 2010
3-11-10I just joined this site a couple of days ago and after receiving my first friend request from JennyBmomof4 and while writing to her, decided to start a blog. I am a long haul truck driver and have been for about 15 out of the last 21 years. I drive mostly just the lower 48, but have done some driving in Canada.
I had to get out of the truck last summer when I hit the 400lb mark. I was just having too much trouble getting in and out of the truck and was in a lot of pain. It has been a bit of a process for me since then.
I am almost 6 ft tall and had been around the 300 mark for many years and 12 years ago, my husband at the time, still in his 30's had a stroke. We had been married 5 years and I had trained him to be my co-driver. The stroke left him blind in his right eye so he could no longer drive.
That next year, watching him slide into depression and become addicted to the internet, I went all the way up to 430lbs. He met some woman with money in California and took off. I didn't eat for 3 months and lost 75 lbs and then when I got my appetite back, went on Xenical and learned how to eat low fat. I was determined to lose the weight because I somehow thought that would get my husband to come back home. In hind site, that was pretty stupid, because he married me fat and it was his own problems that took him away, and not mine.
I had moved from Missouri down to Phoenix to take care of my mom who had just been diagnosed with cancer. She was so excited about the weight I had been losing as she had been after me to lose weight my whole life. She never had any kind of a weight problem til she hit 60 and just could not understand why I could not get that part of my life under control. When she finally had the problem, she broke down one day and started crying and told me how sorry she was for being so hard on me about my weight and that now she understood what I had been going through.
While I was in Phoenix at my parents, I had access to an olympic sized pool and started to swim laps every day. I got down to 200 lbs, had a tummy tuck and my mom went into remission so I came back home to Missouri.
I had developed a great relationship with my stepsons, who were 1 and 6 when I met their father. When I married him, I promised the boys, they would always be my family and even though I had some relatives who thought I should distance myself from them after their father left me, I wasn't having any of that. I had never had any kids of my own and I had made a promise to them. Their father broke his wedding vows, I didn't. I was also fortunate that from the start, their mother and stepfather and I had a great relationship. After my husband left, they adopted me right into the family.
At that point in time, I stupidly thought he would eventually come home. He did for a little bit, picked a fight and then knocked me off my feet with his vehicle and lit out back for California. I knew then, it was over for good. At about the same time, my Mom's tumor was growing again and I went back to Arizona. She died a few months later. I couldn't imagine what the world was going to be like without her in it. I had maintained my weight loss for about 2 years at time mom died, but every year since I have gained 40 or 50 lbs, so this time I am having the roux en y gastric bypass to hopefully keep it off for good. I realize now, that I had been losing weight for my husband and for my mom and I guess I still didn't realize that I deserved to be healthy for me.
Now is different. This time it is for me! At this point in my life, I am 56 years old and in so much pain all the time that I have to take narcotics. I spend most of the day in my recliner, because it is just to hard to do much else. I love to camp and fish and spend time with my two step sons who are 17 and 23 and I love my job as a long haul truck driver and I want all of it back. I can't imagine this not being a scary process for anyone, but you have to be brave and strong to get what you want in life.
I would suggest to any of you who are considering this surgery, that you do all the research you can about the different types of bariatric surgery so when it does come time for you to have yours, that you feel really comfortable in your choice.
I went back and forth between the lap band and the roux en y and made my choice because of my lifestyle and eating problems. I had always been a grazer and ate way too much volume of food and the roux en y I believe will treat that the best. Also, I miss driving terribly and when you have a lap band, it has to be regularly adjusted and as I am planning on going back to work as soon as I am phyiscally able, that could be a hassle. The internet is a great resource for information, but I think the best thing for you to do, is find a surgeon close to you and attend a seminar. They are usually free and the best source of information for your area.
My process started last summer. I had to go back on disability. Then I attended a bariatric seminar in Springfield, MO, about an hour away from the little town I live in. I have had to wait for approval from disability and then I had to have 2 psychological evaluations, an exercise class, a nutrition class and a one day behavioral modification seminar. It has all been worth it, and I feel totally ready for my surgery on Monday.
Right now is the hardest part, because you have to go on a liquid diet for 2 weeks prior to surgery. They surgery is done orthroscopically in most cases these days instead of the old way where they had to cut you all the way open. But to do it this way, they have to be able to retract the liver and the two week liquid diet shrinks the size of the liver and makes that possible.
So, for the last week and a half, it has been strained cream of chicken or cream of mushroom soup, yogurt with no fruit, protein drinks, sugar free popsicles and lots of sugar free jello. There is a restaurant in Amarillo Texas called the "Big Texan" where if you can eat a 72oz (4 1/2 lb) steak dinner, it is free. Right now, I think I could eat 2 of them-LOL!
This coming Monday, March 15, 2010 is when I will be having my surgery. I will be in the hospital until Wednesday and will blog again as soon as I feel physically up to it. This is my first time doing a running blog, but I have always found getting things out of my head and down on paper or onto a computer screen a great way to sift through all the detritis in my brain and if it can help even one person, it will be worth the time. I am planning on posting some before pictures this weekend.
3-14-10
Tomorrow is the big day! I have to be at the hospital by 9am. Surgery should be some time between 10am and 11am. I have already done all my preadmittance stuff (blood work, ekg, chest exray and paperwork) at my last appointment with my surgeon on 3-2-10.
Mostly, I am so ready for this. I have been wanting this surgery for 4 years now and there is still part of me that can't believe that it is actually happening! But, there is also the part of me that is scared to death!
I feel a bit like when my dad took the training wheels off my first bicycle! Food has, as long as I can remember, been my crutch. When things were bad, I made myself feel better with food. When something great happened, I celebrated with food. With every single important person there has ever been in my life, there is always a great moment, where food was a big part of the memory.
The two times in my life when I have been the most devastated, when I found out that my husband (both of them) was cheating on me, are the only times in my life, when I could not eat!
So, I am scared. But I think that is only about 20% of how I feel. 80% of me feels excited, elated, optimistic and ready to start a life where I am in control, not the food! I have always said that the biggest stumbling block to losing weight is the fact that I truly love food. I have a very diverse pallet and like so many different things. I just have to remind myself that I am not giving up forever food that I like. It is not like I will never again have the taste of steamed lobster dipped in clarified butter on my tounge. Eating is going to be very different for awhile until I get used to my new plumbing.
I will once again get to taste the foods I really enjoy, but in a few bites, not a few platefuls!
Six and a half years ago, my mom died. She was my best friend and the one person in the whole world I knew I could count on no matter what. When she died, I really did not know how I was going to survive without the safety net of her presence in my life. But, I have survived and I still feel her close and thank God for all the years I had her in my life.
If I can survive life without my mom, I can surely survive it without large quantities of food!!
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About Me
Hartville, MO
Location
54.1
BMI
Surgery
03/15/2010
Surgery Date
Mar 08, 2010
Member Since
