turtlepower

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Well here it is almost the end of June!  It's summer finally! Yea!  We just moved into a new place and I am so thrilled because the move went so smoothly and the place is so awesome!  We have a garage and a fireplace and so much storage - our last place was nice but it had very little storage, if any!  

The last apartment we had was nice but it was frustrating because we selected it mostly due to me and to the convenience. It was on the main ground level and allowed for coming and going with relative ease - with being heavy, I had to have a way to let the dogs out without having to go up and down the stairs or walk them through a buildng hallway to the outside.  While the new place is even MORE convenient - at least this time I feel we've chosen it on its own merit as opposed to getting and paying whatever just so I could survive with our dogs.  My husband and brother both like how easy it is to let the dog out (our one little dog died in January so its just one now) and they both love that the pool is so easy to jump into!

Although I am quite heavy, I have never had trouble getting into my swimsuit and bearing it all at the pool.  Lately, I am self-conscious about when I actually get in and out and having people watch me come and go from the actual pool but as far as getting in there and swimming -- nope, I love the pool and I'm there man!!  Our last place had a jacuzzi but the pool was hard to get into because you had to go through the club house and down the steps and sometimes the gate was locked - UGH!  The new pool is heated and I can just sasche right up to it and BAM I'm in! :)  

I've been excited about losing about 100 lbs. I have an appointment on Monday for my (early) 3 mos follow up.  I am about 2 wks early because I begin a full time job in July.  I am excited because it pays about $5 dollars more an hour plus includes full reimbursement for college (through masters which I hope to finish) as well as full benefits.  I have been working out in the morning and evening in the pool with all kinds of exercises and at the very least with continuous movement.  It's been so long since I had been able to just exercise and move my legs around because of the weight on them.

As far as the eating portion goes of my surgery - I really haven' t had much of a problem.  I'm pretty happy with how things have went and I have found such libery and freedom in not having to worry if I am going to be full.  At first I missed some food that i just really couldn't eat anymore. I can take little bites of it and such but now I really just don't care anymore.  

When I go out or if I am on the run - it's so much cheaper and easier.
Some of the food I have found to be good and easy to eat on the go are:  the Grilled chicken salad at McDonalds, the grilled chicken wrap w/ranch (I never end up eating the wrap though - just chicken, cheese and lettuce), baked potato from Wendys, chilli from Wendys (really great for protein and only about 220 calories), cheese or chicken quesadilla from Taco Bell (usually just the "stuff" inside seldom eat the bread), and pinto beans and cheese from Taco Bell (although suggested by dietician not a personal favorite but good for protein).

When at home or when I cook some things that go down equally as well are:  fat free pretzel sticks with a tablespoon of philly cream cheese (low fat) or plain, mashed pototoes, stove top stuffing, soups (low fat broccoli and cheese or potato), rigatonni (only a very small amount with ground chuck cause it goes down pretty well), maccaroni and cheese (more liquidy with cheese than sticky helps go down smoother), sugar free popcicles, jellos but not pudding - the sugar free pudding does NOT lay down well, cottage cheese, 1/2 toasted bagel w/cream cheese or a tsp of peanut butter, very soft broccoli or cauliflauer, still need to eat rather mushy vegetables, and grilled chicken.  I have had some small amounts of cheeze-it crackers and they go down well and also decaf green tea with half splenda and half equal (something about the mixture tastes better than either or.

Well.. although eating is not the most ideal as far as grabbing and being able to shovel away whatever I like anymore - I still can taste some of my favorite foods even if I can not swallow them sometimes. I have found that if I can even taste something and tacfully spit it out even - just the taste of it for a little while will seem to satisfy. I have done that with a couple bites of pizza and steak - that made my day!  Just the little taste and flavor was all I needed to make me happy about it!  I found that I don't think it is like many people say (at least not for me)... I know some who say that the "FULL FEELING" is their happiness... I think I have been all about the "taste" of it when it comes to how I eat.  It's somewhat liberating knowing I might still be able to have a taste of something without having to eat it all or even eat any ... just that little sample bite really tides me over with any craving. I LOVE it! :)

Well for now I am eagerly awaiting Monday to see how much I've lost and I can not wait for July when I begin my new job.  I hope I like it :-)

By the way I have to mention how awesome my husband has been through everything.  He's went more than once and back out in a night many times to get something I COULD actually eat... stopped and helped me figure out something when I was quite hungry -- only to realize a few bites later I was full.. He's been a trooper and I'm so proud of him and appreciate him.  I hope everyone is blessed enough to have someone supporting them and cheering them on!!

Well... here I am at the end of the 5 weeks.  Things are much better this past week with regard to being able to drink and eat.  I am finally eating solid food.  The whole puree and liquid thing is probably the best and worst of the deal.  It has been really good for me to see how well I feel not eating anything but liquids... however, I got to the point where everything made me feel nauseaus.  It was just annoying.  This week I can have some pretzels and toast.  I haven't had toast yet but I have had pretzels.  THe most amazing thing I have found is that often I just want the taste of something in my mouth.  I have developed this habbit of taking a few bites, chewing it to death and then spitting it out.  (much to my husband and brothers shigrin!)  At any rate, I think a myth has been dispelled for me personally.  I always heard people say that we often need to have that "full" feeling and that is what we associated with happiness... i.e. the problem with stuffing oneself with carbs, etc.  However, I have found personally its the taste in my mouth. I could care less if I swallow it.  This could be good or bad actually.  I notice I do not eat as much as I thought or I probably should cause I end up chewing it and not swallowing it.  However, I was thinking it would be incredible to create bubble gum or chewing gum that tastes like my favorite foods... pop in a piece of "pizza" gum or "Mashed potatoes and gravy w/roast beef" or even a "chocolate eclair" gumball.... I think Willie Wonka cornered the market on this didn't he???  ANyway.. I want to buy some gum balls like that :) I think we'd all be a lot thinner if we could eat our Taco Bell and McDonald's via a gumball.  HA HA

Anyway, things are going well and I figured why not chronicle it for posterity sake.  I imagine when I go to the doctor on Tuesday next week - I should be near the 100 lb loss mark... or at least I am hoping! Everything fits better - that's for sure!

Well... eating has been a challenge.  I have had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy.  My doctor says that the has given me a very small sleeve.  The one thing I have noticed is that it is very hard for me to eat even small portions.  They have said I would have a 1/4 c of protein, 1/4c of vegetable and 1/4 c of starch.  I get the protein in and that's about it.  I am having trouble with eating all the meals they want me to as well.  Drinking water is also difficult.  It's not that I have any pain.  I haven't had pain at all.  It's just that uncomfortable feeling just below my neck and in the middle of my chest.  I'm guessing that's what they are going to tell me is the "full" feeling.  Anyway... I have had to adapt things to my own time table and scale for food.  So far I am able to do about 2 meals with some very VERY small snacks sometimes.  Liquids are still the easiest for me because they don't leave me feeling full.  I will be glad when this part is over because it is the most frustrating part of this whole surgery.  I'm just thankful that it's not so much painful as it is just mentally frustrating.

Otherwise, things are going well and I go back to work tomorrow.  I could have probably been back sooner but because of having had a kidney stone I have had a little more time at home feeling better before I jumped back in the game.  So, that's about it for now.  Otherwise everything is going really well.

Well, I've lost 85lbs to date.  It's kind of funny because I found this poem I wrote on a whim last year for the www.poetry.com site.  I was just thinking something up really fast in my head and sent it off (I do one every year for the hek of it thinking maybe I'll win that $1,000 or $10,000 dollar award.)  Anyway, when I wrote it I was thinking about how people probably felt in their lives with all the changes going on with Iraq and the war and just trying to find something that might strike an emotional chord.   When I consider myself and the surgery I just went through - it's kind of ironic that I would have written this almost a year ago... Anyway... kind of neat.

Revolution of the Mind

Do I dare to imagine myself differently
Do I dare encourage my heart with whispers
I stand upon the precipace
I look pensively into the deep and vast pool of opportunity
I wonder what fate it holds for me

As I propel myself into the unknown
I am filled with anticipation
I am filled with fear
I am filled with exhilaration
I am filled with hope
I am filled with regret
I am filled with desire

I know not what tomorrow brings
However I long and hope and wish for the best
I revel in the thought of only the glorious
And I await the promise of a new day


If you'd like to "RATE MY POEM" you can go to:
http://www.poetry.com/voteforme/poemvote1.asp?PID=11912591

Just a note... I went to see the doctor for my 2 week update.  My last visit was on March 5th.  Since that time I have dropped 70 lbs.  Pretty amazing what the full liquid diet can do... ohh AND the surgery... ha ha

Today is Friday, April 6th and I had my surgery on Tuesday, March 27th.  I would have written sooner but I couldn't get my cellphone web to bring this page up correctly and then when I got home my new laptop needed a power cord and my old laptop's power cord was on the fritz (oh what a pickle I feel I was in being I am a total internet geek and seldom go w/o the web or its perks).  So, anyway - here I am, back in the saddle again.

I'm not much of a blogger (although I love to write and I can hold my own with a good conversationalist.  I don't want to sound like everyone else when I write so I am trying to avoid any trite or overused sayings or sentiments.

My journey... to this point...   Well, things went very well with the surgery.  I went in.  It went well.  THe most exciting part of going in for the surgery that morning was finding out that I had lost almost 50 pounds since my first appointment.   This was exciting to hear!!!! :)   Anyway, after the surgery - I got in a room and was visiting with friends and walked 120 ft down the hall by late evening Tuesday after my morning surgery.  I was ready to go home by Weds evening and was discharged on Weds late morning, early afternoon.

I have no co-morbidities so things went rather well.  I did have a problem after I got home but it was totally unrelated to the surgery.  It just made recovery for my stomach feel so much more painful while I was handling the other problem --- a wonderful kidney stone!  Ugh!   I had the kidney pain several weeks before, maybe 3-4 times but had no clue what it was and since it went away with some over the counter meds, I didnt think twice about it.  Well I spent one night at home and went back to the hospital the next morning -- only to spend 3 days for my kidney.  Because you can't drink a lot of fluids - I had to stay so they could keep my hydrated and on antibiotics and nutrients from those good ole i.v.'s  (whoo hoo).  Anyway... all in all, everything with the original surgery went awesome.  I have no complaints other than its hard to drink water.  I am a total water hog and i love to gulp it down and chew on ice and drink like a water buffalo.  I really only have that complaint at this point.  Everything else is A-OK!  :)

As far as my surgical area goes - I had 7 laprascopic entry wounds and gauze bandages over them and they will come off on Monday at my next doctor appointment.  The drain for my one puncture came off the day I left the hospital.  I had worried about that terribly.  I heard someone's drain was pulled out in a doctors office and caught hold of a staple and ripped.  Well... I realized that's not how it was with mine at all and other than feeling very strange about the tube pulling through my abdomen out the hole (eeeee---weird), for the most part it was over quick and truly painless.  More strange than anything else.  The Cath for the bladder was fun! fun! fun!  But again, nothing bad - I learned with the kidney stone after 2 more caths that if you just relax - it may feel odd but its over fast.  The test for leaks the next morning was cool - the upper GI.  The drink wasnt as bad as they say and I didnt have any problem with having the test.  Everything went really well and I am finally starting to feel like the general ache and pain portion is decreasing.  Anyway, that's it for now.  I just wanted to post a quick update ot tell how things went!!!!!!  God Bless!!

Being an avid writer... I am surprised that it has taken me so long to put pen in hand (or finger to keystroke rather) to compose my thoughts...  I actually do not have many of them at this point.  I guess I deal with things one step at a time, "steady as she goes" (so to speak), a pretty mellow approach - anticipating handling each hurdle in life one by one.  I don't know if I will get nervous or not.  I think my questions have all been answered.  I know what I am going to have done.  I've watched video of the procedure and spoken with so many different people who have had similiar procedures (although mine is the lab tube versus lap band or regular gastric bypass).  I'm just waiting for it to happen and we'll see how it goes from there.

In the meantime, I'm thankful for an awesome husband who has loved me from day one of our meeting, almost 10 years ago.  He never knew me as a thinner person and has always loved me for the chubby individual I am....  I am also thankful my parents are flying in from the Eastern Shore to be here for 12 days and that my baby brother who lives with us has helped clean and prepare for everything.  I guess going into surgery I am just happy that everything is prepared for and seemingly taken care of... I pray for flight safety and some other things going on unrelated to the surgery to go well.  So many things going on the next week in addition to my surgery - my mom is going to interview for a job with a couple places and I'm hoping they can move up here.  So, lots to think and pray for ... so as I look ahead to the next 12 days - I anticipate being on the other side of these days and looking back at what has transpired.  I guess that's how I look at life... to the immediate future and where I'm going - get that focal point and aim my eyes on the horizon.  Everything else is only temporal...  that way we, in so many ways, are always moving forward! :-)