Love Wont Leave You Out In The Rain

Why so blue Why do you start to break Under a misty moon Under your skies of grey Well, in this life, you know Storms are bound to come But try not to worry about it Sun's gonna shine again Love won't leave you out in the rain So walk that road Remembering you're not alone You got someone to lean on Something to call your own Just have alittle faith and then When the clouds roll in You won't have to worry about it Love's gonna shelter you Love won't leave you out in the rain And when life seems to lose all rhythm Love'll show you how to dance Given half a chance And given time, in love you'll find A peacefull place, a friendly place A harbor on the sea of loneliness Mark my words Love's gonna cover you And when you're stuck, in the dead of night Love's gonna pull you through And I'll be the one you know Sayin' "I told you so" And life will be easier livin' Once you begin to learn Love won't leave you out in the rain.



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Wanda 4-15-53 to 5-2001 Always looking down over you knowing your always looking up remembering me blog Layouts

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God's answer to our prayers like the bunnies, they keep multiplying! image hosting

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I've been thin my whole life until after my hystorectomy at 30 and began gaining weight. While I was able to maintain 150 lbs, I had to diet all the time to stay there. When my divorce started in 1990, I just gave up. The physical, emotional and psycological abuse of my now ex took it's toll on me. After 15 years of court battles, my ex conviction of hiring someone to kill me, I moved back home to Boston and I'm finding reasons to fight for me. I'm no longer imprisioned by my ex with his harrashment of lawsuits and threats. I'm finally free to live again. In the past 1 1/2 years I have set goals for myself and have accomplished them one by one. My focus is my health and doing what is necessary to get there. I love all types of music EXCEPT rap. Most of what I love to do I'm limited at doing presently and hope that after the surgery, I'll be able to regain those interests again (hiking, camping, biking, DANCING). All the fun stuff. image hosting

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2/16/06 I just received another denial from Cigna and my appeal was not even submitted to them. Apparently, my PCP's letter for my appeal went to Cigna as well as my surgeon. Without all the supporting documentation, Cigna denied me. Now I'm hoping this does not affect my appealing their decision. It's been a long road so far and I knew I'd have to fight Cigna to have this done but I didn't think I'd have this much confusion with information being directed incorrectly. UGH!!! I'll just wait to see what Dr. Randall has to say. Maybe it's time to get an attorney involved. image hosting

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5/4/06 I'm not very good about updating here and I need to be. So I'm going to try to update on here as much as possible. It'll be good for me to see how my journey is progressing. So far, it's been very slow. I've decided to start from the beginning and do the 6 month supervised diet over. This time making sure that everything is documented. I've even gone to the point of making my PCP visits the same day as my Nutri visits. Right now, I've had my second visit. Four more months to go. I'll have had 7 PCP visits and 6 nutri visits. I may throw one more in for good measure. Instead of doing a second level appeal, I'm submitting in a new claim. My surgeon feels this will be best since I'm doing everything all over again anyway. This gives me plenty of time to eat like I'm post op and work on everything before the surgery. I cannot wait to finally be on the other side and walk without pain. image hosting

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5-11-06 I finally see that the billing codes for Hallmark Health are in line with Cigna and they have paid my last visit for my nutri. So I sent an email to the billing department with an outline of each of the bills that were coded incorrectly to be resubmitted for payment. Also, I asked that they look into the fact that they have sent me to a collection agency for payment of bills I'm not responsible for. Good grief this has been a nightmare dealing with "who's doing what". So I'm hopefully all the bills will finally be concluded and paid. YEAH!!!! I have my car back from the accident I was in. It's great to have my car back. I may work for a rental car compnay and able to drive any of the cars here but there is nothing like driving my own car. I'm finding that eating as post op has been good. The only thing I haven't been diligent about doing is the chewing. I guess I need to start working on that now. Four more supervised visits to the PCP and nutri and I'll be able to resubmit all the paperwork back in to Cigna. The plan is to send this in as new and not as an appeal. Works for me since I'm doing everything over from scratch again. image hosting

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7/14/06 It's been a trying couple of months. My son came home from the Army and got married 6/9/06. Before his marriage, his now wife had been living with me and still does. As much as I love her, I find that this marriage is on rocky ground with him being in the Army going to Iraq and both not good with finances. Added to the wedding of my son was his dad coming from Texas. It's difficult to still face my ex with all that he's done to me and the children. Facing your abuser is hard and even harder to try and be civil. I did it with a smile on my face as it was what my son needed. Now I have my son deploying to Iraq in the next 2 weeks. It's breaking my heart. I know my son is in God's hands as I had given both my children to Him many years ago. It's just the mom in me that worries about his safety over there. I'm on my last 2 months of my supervised diet. I have my second psych evaluation 7/18 and have met with my surgeon to go over everything. He asked if I could change insurance companies but Cigna is a good company to have regardless of the bumps in the road getting approval. Something this important shouldn't be rushed getting anyway. Having my support group meetings every month have been a tremendous help. I still feel so all alone in this process but having the support group helps with getting all the information needed prior to having this surgery. One can never have to much info as far as I'm concerned. All that's left is getting the next 2 months done and then all the paperwork off for approval. I'm going to try and post more on here. It helps me know where I've been and where I'm headed. Great things are to come. image hosting

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7/20/06 I had my 2nd psych evaluation on Tuesday. She went over the past year that I have been doing this and where I was. Everything is in order and she will have my letter sent to my surgeon regarding being mentally fit for surgery and my past medical issues that will coinside with my PCP's recommendation. Now all I have is my 2 appointments with the PCP and nutri before everything is given to the sureon to file with Cigna. Emotionally, I've been feeling pretty drained. My son will be leaving for Iraq in approximately a week. I'm so blessed with having him as a son. My daughter is still in Texas and will return tonight. She was able to see him Tuesday to hug and say goodbye before he heads over there. Jim seems to think he'll only be there 3 months but it's all up to the Army and what occurs over there. At least he calls me every day. image hosting

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8/3/06 I had my 5th supervised diet appointment with both my PCP and Nutri. Everything is in order. I've lost another pound but as long as I'm not gaining and showing I'm trying to lose weight, all should go well. My PCP put me back on fluid pills, which I'm to take every day. I've been really bad and have stopped taking them 3 months ago. Part of the reason my weight goes up and down so much. Now I have my 9/13 meeting and all the paperwork can be gathered and sent in to insurance. Not much longer now. This weekend I'll start changing rooms around to accommodate me for the WLS. This will put my daughter-in-law in my room on the 3rd floor and I'll move down to the 2nd. I get up so much to pee at night, it will make it nice to be on the same floor as the bathroom. Stress still seems to be an issue for me to deal with. Not much relief from it right now. I have plenty of vacation time and I think I need to take some just to have a few mental health days.... lol Beyond that, life is good. image hosting

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8/25/06 Went to an amazing support group meeting last night. Very powerful as there were post ops from 5 and 6 years out that have regained their weight and made the reality of using WLS as a tool and not as a quick fix for obesity. This is why I am thankful that I have had this time to educate myself and really get my head and heart into what I need to do to be healthy. God has given me a new lease on life and it's up to me now to reach that goal. My son is now in Baghdad and I've been able to communicate with him via email and AIM. Thankfully he remembered to listen to his mom and bring his laptop with him. Nothing is free in the military so I'm providing internet service for him and his roommate. It's extremely hard to see pictures of my son with a weapon in his hands knowing that he may have to use it to kill someone. My son is proud to serve his country but he also serves God. He told me to have faith in God as he does and lives by that faith. Wow, now that made my heart feel good to have some words coming back at me from him about his faith. Maybe I finally did something right. A few more weeks before the last of my 6 mo supervised diet. Now I'm starting to get nervous about everything being in order to submit to Cigna. So people, help with with prayers on this as it will be placed in God's hands. Boy, He's carried me thru the flames already and His love is never ending. Praise God. I'll try and update more. It's just been such a stressful month. image hosting

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It's been awhile since I've written anything going on and I'm going to try to be better at this.  So much has happened.  I've won my 2nd level appeal on 11/16 and was given a surgery date that same day from my surgeon of 12/12.  Right now I have 12 days until surgery.  Time is flying by so fast. 

I had all my pre op tests done this past Tuesday.  Wow, what a dose of reality that hit me.  It all sent me into a panic attack and I was freaked out the whole evening.  I called Stephanie, a friend I've met thru OH and who attends the same support group I do as we both have the same surgeon.  Boy she settled me down right away.  The person who did my breathing test sent me over the edge.  Mind you, I've had 4 abdominal surgeries and have a rough idea as to what to expect.  This man was all about not being able to breath on your own after surgery... blah blah blah.  I do know that when I speak to Dr. Randall this coming Monday, he will know how I felt about this guy.  Not a nice thing to do to someone.

Now I'm trying to get everything in order for surgery.  My will is done and I picked that up on Tuesday.  I'm going to write a letter to my children, just in case.  I've tried getting my mom to talk to me but she's refusing.  I pray that God will soften her heart as she needs me in her life just as much as I need her.  She just doesn't get it.  My brother, Les, will be with my daughter when I have surgery.  Thank God for my brother.  He'll help my daughter wait.  As much as she says she'll do fine, I know her well enough to know she'll be a nervous wreck and need someone there.  I've had her meet Dr. Randall twice so she could ask him any questions she would want too.  She's so supportive of me doing this.  God sure has blessed me with 2 wonderful children.

I'm going to have to get information from my son so if anything happens, the Red Cross can reach him and get him home here.  He's back from Iraq and stationed at Ft. Sills, OK.  I miss him and I'm so very proud of him.

I still cannot believe I'm approved.  What concerns me is that I have yet to receive a letter in writting from Cigna of my approval.  Cigna did call my surgeon's office and they have the go ahead but I'm still nervous without something in writing.  Not sure if I should call or not and just be patient that I'll receive my letter this week since the holidays were in between everything.

Now my fear of making sure I have everything I need for when I get home to eat, or should I say drink.... lol  I'll cross that bridge next week after I speak to Dr. Randall. 

One thing I do want to say, I would not do this surgery with any other surgeon but Dr. Randall.  The knowledge, skill, care and concern he has for each of his patients is something I've never seen before.  His willingness to explain anything you are concerned about and help you achieve it.  God bless him.

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December 11, 2006

It's 10:30 pm and tomorrow I have to be at the hospital at 7:30 am.  Earlier I was super nervious but I've seem to have calmed down.  The support has been overwhelming and it just confirms that I have made the right decision for my life.  Tomorrow will mark a rebirth of me and it's been a long time coming. 

I still haven't packed for the hospital yet.  Just taking a few essentials with me and plenty of chap stick.  Wow, I cannot believe the time is finally here.  It flew by once I got my surgery date. 

Work seemed very supported today and it really has helped me when it was time to leave.  Earlier I was given a hard time concerning the timing of my surgery date.  It's hard when there is only 2 of us that answer the phones for the whole office.  Makes having time off a challenge at times.

Next time I post will be when I come back from the hospital.  I'll finally be on the losing side.  Thank you God for holding my hand thru all this.  I'm truly blessed.

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December 22, 2006

Okay, so I'm bad at updating my profile.  As I'm feeling more like sitting at the computer, I'll update more. 

Surgery went extremely well.  My gall bladder was removed and I'm sure I'll not miss it.  My first night my blood pressure dropped extremely low and I was transferred to ICU and had a CAT scan.  Wouldn't you know the minute I ended up in ICU, my blood pressure went back to being normal.  Guess I just wanted a private room..... lol

What made my hospital stay was the friends from my support group that came to visit me.  This also helped my brother and daughter with knowing I made the right decision for my life.  The friendship, love, support and time they give is so appreciated.  I love each of them dearly. 

Recovery is doing well.  I'm lactose intolerant which caused a slight problem with drinking CIB but I had some whey protein that covered me until I was cleared to eat cottage cheese and yogurt.  If someone was to tell me that I'd like eating either of those 2 items, I'd tell them they were crazy and that it'd never happen.  Right now I'm cleared for eating for week 2 and tolerating everything well.  Since I do not eat seafood, I've substituted it for chicken and turkey (canned).  So with food, I haven't had a problem at all.  I am having to be mindful of making sure I drink plenty of liquids.  When you're full, you tend to forget to keep fluids going during the non-eating time.

Yesterday my incision started to drain and didn't think much about it until today when it became substantially more and becoming pink.  Dr. Randall called me his 2 day patient as every 2 days I seem to have to call him this week.  Dr. Randall met me at his office (which was closed) and told me it was a good thing I called him.  Most of what was draining was fat and the area turing pink could have lead to problems if not seen.  So now I have this lovely wick in my incision to help me finish draining and was "ordered" to take my pain meds.  He also wants me to buy a girdle to help hold my stomach in as that is part of the problem.  I don't own one but will be shopping for one tomorrow.

All in all the surgery has been a huge success and I'm very pleased.  Even with the little bumps, I would do this surgery again in a heartbeat.  I can already tell the difference in the small amount of weight I've lost already.  Each day I'll get stronger and more active.  What a wonderful Christmas present I gave myself. 

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December 23, 2006

I slept on the couch last night and slept very comfortable.  Everything feels good except my incision, it really hurts when I get up.  Having the wick in is probably not helping the situation regarding pain but I'm sure that it'll subside as I'm healing. 

I went food shopping with my daughter which took 1-1/2 hours.  Boy did that tire me out.  I get in plenty of walking every day even with the pain.  And I'm doing what I'm told regarding taking my pain meds.  They do help ease everything so it's good that I'm taking them.

Food has not been an issue at all.  I make sure that I eat slowly and am able to eat about 1/2 cup of whatever I make.  I did make a chicken salad in my magic bullet and it was yummy.  I need to start writing down the amout of protein I'm eating each day.  I know I'm no where near 65g but I'm closer to 40g per day which I think is pretty good.  I need to be more conscience about drinking the protein drinks I do like and incorporate them into my daily routine.  Boy this is a challenge every day but a good one.

I'm hoping I'll be in less pain when I wake tomorrow.  Now that'll be a blessing.

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December 24, 2006

A really rough start this morning.  The pain just wasn't going away and seemed to be increasing.  I decided to shower and change the dressing.  Good idea as it seemed to help reduce the pain by half.  I've decided that I've been over doing and have done nothing but relax today and give my body time to heal. 

My daughter is working tonight and tomorrow night.  I wish she didn't as I'd love her to be here with me.  My mom is still being her usual self and not talking to me, which is nothing new to me.  She's been this way my whole life but still I'd wish that she'd be better. 

Since it's just my daughter and I tomorrow, I'm cooking cornish hens and veggies.  I can eat the hen and light veggies so it will be a safe meal for me.  I'll make mashed potatoes but will leave those for my daughter to eat.  Actually, my daughter will assist me in cooking since I'm sure I'll not be 100% by tomorrow.... lol

Next year will be much better for us.

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December 30, 2006

I'm still having incision problems and it's still painful.  I removed the second wick which didn't hurt but made me sick to my stomach having to do it.  The wound still looks nasty to me and will have Dr. Randall look at it again come Tuesday.  I was sure hoping to be further along with healing then this but I know this is a slight set back.

I'm on week 3 eating and I'm still not really hungry.  I find that I can only hold 1/2 cup of anything in my pouch.  I do have trouble getting in all my protein and water and something I need to work harder on getting in.  I put in order in for a protein that I do like and will get it within a week.  That'll help me alot.  Now I'll just need to work on my water intake.

Right now the scale says I'm down 22 lbs.  Wow, that's alot and didn't think I'd lose that much already.  I can tell in my face and a few other areas that the weight is coming off. 

Well time to pick my daughter up from work.  Will write more as I'm able to sit longer at the computer.

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January 1, 2007

New Years Eve came and went.  Spent the night at home alone.  I really didn't feel like driving anywhere but was going to go to my friend, Marie's, house but she wasn't feeling well.  Whatever she has, I didn't want so it was best I stayed home.  My daughter had to work but she made sure she called me during the evening to send her love.  Boy am I blessed with her.

Today I have no desire to eat at all.  Nothing sounds good and it's difficult to try and make something to eat when it doesn't appeal to you.  I had some tortillia soup that was great last night but today the thought made my stomach turn.  I tried SF pudding last night but it didn't stay with me.  I guess being lactose intolerant means I shouldn't be eating the SF pudding unless I make it with something other than a milk product.  That'll teach me.

My incision is still open but doing well.  I went and bought some steri strips to use to keep it pulled closer together and help with it pulling when I move.  I have no problem doing wound care to someone else but doing it to myself makes my stomach turn.  It just grosses me out.... lol 

I'm getting stronger every day but the past 2 days I only want to sleep.  Guess my body it mending itself and needs me to rest.  I'm glad I have 6 weeks off from work and will probably take all of it off.  I didn't think I would but I now see why it's important to rest up before heading back to work. 

The other thing that has helped me in all of this is my support team.  Doug, Mel, Stephanie, Terry, Joanne, Rita.... just to name a few.  Any questions I have, they have jumped right in and helped to answer what they could. 

Is it Spring yet?  I really want the winter to go away now.  I've had enough.  It snowed a little this weekend and that was enough for me.  Bring on Spring.  I'm ready.

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January 4, 2007

I'm down 27 lbs now and I'm amazed that I have lost this much.  My incision is still healing and open.  The pain I am feeling is the muscles surrounding the open area.  Dr. Randall told me that they are coming alive and why I'm so uncomfortable.  He put another wick in me but said I was doing great and it should be healed in the next few weeks.  That made me feel tons better.  I was beginning to feel like I'd have this opening forever.  Silly to feel that way but I just thought I'd be further along than this but I guess all great things take time.  He also told me to use Vicks under my nose before eating so I would not get the nausea prior to eating.  I tried it and it worked.  So I'm hoping to get more food down.  He still told me that even though I'm not getting in as much as I should, that I'm still healing and I'm right on course.  So now I don't feel so worried.

I cannot wait until the next support group meeting.  Getting to see everyone again and to be able to see Joanne in the hospital recovering will be a treat.  Joanne's going to do wonderful as she has the right attitude and welcome's the support from all of us.

I'm getting bored being at home and am ready to get back to work.  I do get tired during the day and I know that taking this time to gather my strength is important.  So I may just use the full 6 weeks out.  I'll know better by my next visit with Dr. Randall next week.

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Dec 13, 2005
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