So I sit hear reading the boards on Obesity Help and and cant stop from thinking am I going to be the one who goes through the surgery and looses NOTHING!! I have been doing this pre-op diet and sticking to my 1200 calories and am STUCK! I cant loose anymore weight and of course am afraid that if I bump my calories up my weight will go back up. I'm in the clear, but not in the clear as I have almost 2 months to wait for my surgery to take place. I have to maintain this weight up to my surgery date and am very afraid of being a failure once again. I'm consuming 1200 calories and that will be about where I'm at post op so will I even loose weight?
I see relationships around me changing and how do I cope with it? My mom was in town this weekend and It pains me to see her and how she cant move and feel like she had given up on life!! Am I destine to be this way as well? She is telling everyone how I plan on having surgery and am sure some of it is worry for me, but I'm tired of people asking me if this is REALLY what I want to do. I hate the fact that people are questing me and making me question myself. Then James is not doing well with the changes I'm making and being more self sufficient. I wish he could understand this is what I need to do to be more successful I wish he could make some choices for himself at times to. I'm just tired of trying to keep everyone in balance and no one wants to help me stay in balance with peace of mind being the number one thing.
My mind is a crazy highway right now and wish that time would go by faster for me or they would call me bumping my surgery up. I am restless and feel everyone is out to sabotage me. I know one thing I have never had a desire to do something so bad that its all I think about and am completely focused of bring this to completion.
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