Too Heavy

Sep 19, 2009

i need weight loss surgery
i stopped walking in the morning
i lasted 1 week of walking each am and gave up
didnt feel like getting up in the am

i'm scared for myself
I weigh 310 pounds.. and gaining
I went to walmart for groceries then came home and ate 1/2 lb of fried chicken wing dings and 2 cup cakes with frosting piled high today , they were really good, 1 cupcake was lemon with lemon zest frosting and the other was italian cake with cocunut frosting

i have 2 more cupcakes in my mini fridge in my bedroom

I want to lose weight, but I'm not trying to lose weight. It's much easier and more fun to lay in bed and eat cupcakes, than to exercise 3 hours a day

without intervention i think im going to have a heart attack or diabetes or breast cancer, black women who gain weight in their breasts have a higher chance of getting breast cancer
I wear a 46F bra size

I'm scared I'm going to get high blood pressure, or never be able to have a baby cause I am obese
 
I'm studying exercise & wellness in school because I believe it will someday somehow save my life being surrounded by fit people and health information
but now
I'm scared I will be discriminated against in the exercise industry, because, duh, I'm fat

Everyday I have this talk with myself. I ask myself why I don't get up and exercise. I lay in bed and wonder. I sit and wonder. I don't DO. I just THINK.

I think if I had a trainer come and get me twice a day, every day to work out, I would lose weight. I know that someday I will get up and do it, exercise, but I don't know when and I don't know what will be the catalyst.

I really want to get weight loss surgery. It's much more suited to the way my brain thinks and feels.

I think I can get it for about $8,000 in Tijuana , http://www.obesitycontrolcenter.com/surgery_cost.php

i just need the money

I am thinking of how I can steal, or borrow or get that money and get the life saving surgery

I really need it

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