vosh
I was fat all my life. In my family if you weren't thin, you were nothing. I remember eating a potato chip once (I was about 6) and my grandfather telling me "you know there's 15 calories in each chip?" No, I didn't, and I apparently didn't care. I guess deep down I cared though, cause I made sure there wasn't 15 calories left in that bag. Little over a month, and doing well. Things have been a little weird getting used to eating, but I have lots of good protein shakes to supplement. I've been graduated to real food now, which is wonderful! No more mush!
9/24/06
I am disabled at the moment. I enjoy making jewelry, working with glass glitter, and writing. My website is www.owl-lady.com. I have been overweight all my life. My story is long, sad, amazing, joyful, and surreal. I've always wanted to write my story, so read here what you want, believe what you feel, and smile at it all, because it's been a wonderful ride so far. Even the bad stuff had to happen to get to the good stuff. :)
After that I remember asking my father how many calories were in a fingernail (since I was a big nail biter, and was getting crap for biting my nails.) He looked at me llike I was nuts, and then said "none, I guess". I was so confused. Why were they yelling at me for biting my nails if there are no calories in them? ARGH!!!!
I went to Girl Scout camp when I was 8; Camp Ehowee. As we were loading our gear into the car of my best friend, my mother ran out from the house yelling wait!! and she placed the bathroom scale down on the driveway. She made me get on the scale in front of everybody so she could see how much I weighed, and she wantd to see if I lost any weight over the week we were in camp. Unlikely, if I could help it!! I weighed 87 at 8 years old.
It seemed I steadily gained 10 pounds a year until graduation. I graduated at 185. I started dating a friend of my father's from work (24) who had two children. We were engaged in October and married in December. I had my firt child 8.5 months later.
I barely gained a pound with my pregnancy, I was so sick the whole time, but it didn't matter. The whole third trimester I kept running the numbers over in my head, calculating how much I was going to lose after the baby was born! It didn't work out that way... Bummer. Some of that weight you just keep no matter what.
At 25 I seemed to have topped off, with 3 girls to keep me running, and a job. I stayed there for many years. Then I started hurting all the time. In the mean time I was going through divorce #1 in '90, marriage #2 in '93-2000; and a move from Phoenix to Wisconsin. Now with my children grown and graduating one by one (and moving back to Phoenix) things were getting harder emotionally, and I thought that was where the pain was coming from. It was getting worse, and the doctors couldn't figure it out. finally I was dagnosed with many things; Asthma, Degenerative disc disease; fibromyalgia (severe), sleep apnea (severe), migraines (4-5 a week); I ended up having to quit work things were so bad.
I thought it was time to sign up for SSDI; who knew how hard that would be? Not me!!! It took three years of fighting to get my disability, living on husband #3's income (meager) and almost losing the house,car,etc. We had to file bankruptcy. I ended up gaining over 80 pounds over those 3 years. There was a whole month we just ate bread; We have eaten very lightly, I have no idea how I gained weight except the lack of movement.
Now I'm so blessed to have been approved for this surgery, I feel like there will be a new life for me starting over, maybe even being able to get off of disability at some point. My husband is supportive and awesome, (and he's 15 years younger than me, so I hope to be able to keep up with him better!). I hope to travel more, sit in chairs, booths, walk more with him, not be so self aware and just have fun. My husband who married me on month before I got very sick deserves this as much as I do.
October 12th, the countdown continues!
Oct. 3rd, 2006
9 days to go... I should be very excited, but I have been feeling very moody and weepy. Things that I normally let go I have been hanging on to and dwelling on; my dreams have been very strange.
You see, my dreams have always been very helpful to me in life, and they have always been full length feature film epoch movie type dreams. I had one dream lately where I became a large white horse that flew and helped people turn into horses if they wished. It was much more complicated than that, but I found it interesting that not only did I change, but I was helping others change after I did.
I'm doing all my lasts, and I just have been so depressed this week. My husband has been an a** also, which doesn't help. Last year he was this way to me, very mean and condescending; we separated for a bit. Now he has decided to return to that behavior just when I need him to be there for me. I'm really having a hard time with it.
Oct.11,2006
Today is my daughter's birthday, my baby... She's 22 today. I'm trying to get ready for my surgery, I didn't have to do anything ahead of time like most people, so I feel great about that. I have done so much work ahead of time I feel really good. I'm having my last soda, and it doesn't taste that great; I've been doing water with a touch of crystal light raspberry tea for so long, it feels funny to drink soda.
I want to take my measurements tonight, and a last picture before surgery. The only things I had any worry about is that my nails are kind of long (for the first time in my life) and they have to have polish on them to stay that way. I had to take the polish off of them, and I can just see see my nails gtetting broken. The other one is I have to take out my piercings, nose and trega (little front of the ear part) and I have never taken them out before. Funy the things you worry about when your about to have major surgery.
I also want to have my measurements taken weekly to see progress that way. I have no idea what to do this way, but i don't want to get a scale cause I don't want to be checking every day.
10/14/06
I'm Home!
I had a rough time of it in the hospital, only because I have other pain issues that they weren't addressing properly. I have severe fibromyalgia and lower back disc degeneration, and they kept asking what my pain was; I kept trying to tell them my stomach felt fine, it was my back and the rest of me that was killing me!
Learning how to take all my meds is a real problem. I also am having a hard time realizing when to stop, I feel full, but then can I drink in between all I want? All things to work out, but not today.....