Shelley L.
I've been fat ever since I can remember. I had hardly any friends in grade school. I got made fun of a lot and that's where the problems began.
My mom and I never got along and a lot of struggles revolved around food. I was and still am a VERY picky eater, and my mom just didn't understand how I could possibly not like certain foods or didn't want something one day and did the next. It was a CONSTANT battle and so when I got older especially after I was able to drive, I used to go to the grocery store and buy whatever I wanted and eat it, usually hiding it in my car or in my room.
I would binge eat whenever I could, and constantly struggled with low self-esteem, feeling fat, what should I eat, what shouldn't I eat, etc. It's really hard as a teenager to make the right decisions, when your food consumption is mostly controlled by your parents. My dad was and still is a binge eater, he needs WLS worse than I do, but I doubt he would even qualify, I feel like mentioning it to him some time.
In college I wasn't any better, and gained more than the freshman 15, I just slowly kept putting on weight, always in a constant battle with myself. Feeling the stares from my friends and family when I would come home and they saw I had GAINED weight.
I pretty much gave up on dieting, for a while, I was depressed, lonely and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I felt totally lost.
I then started going to a doctor, asking for help, that's when phen-fen was popular, I didn't do that, but tried other drugs, for a while, metabolife worked, I'd lose 7-10 pounds in one week because i didn't feel like eating, but then I'd start eating again and gain it back.
I spent the first 4 years of college, depressed, lonely, and self-destructive in many ways. Something finally clicked and I went to nursing school and finally was feeling better. Not exactly happy, but better. I was in a dead-end relationship, only hanging on because I had nothing else. I finally decided to join WeightWatchers, and low and behold I was successful; I ended my relationship, graduated nursing school and lost about 70 pounds. I got a new job, started paying off debt, and was doing really well. Unfortunately, because of all the changes happening in my life, I got off track and over the next 2 years I gained all the weight back and was back at the same place.
I tried to find myself, again, started doing travel nursing, started a distant-learning midwifery school, but couldn't get motivated. I was failing again, and out of control.
So, here I am, nearly 7 years after graduating from college and I feel like I've not accomplished much.
I feel like I'm being held back, I feel trapped by my food addiction. There's so many things I want to do, that I cannot, and now here I am, finally having some real hope that I can be successful.
That's my story, not unlike others, I'm sure. This is a turning point in my life.
