Dawn S.
And just like that -- five years has gone by -- and I MISSED my anniversary.
It's funny, two days ago I was talking to my husband about my food blog
http://whineaux. blogspot. com (cheap plug I know) He was suggesting that I
write a post about how I ended up a foodie because I might inspire others (I'll
explain in a moment, obviously it's surgery related)
As I thought about his suggestion, I realized I've come full circle. When I
decided to have surgery it was very personal. I didn't tell anyone what I was
doing outside my immediate family. I threatened them if they told anyone. I felt
embarrassed that my weight had gotten so out of control and I was concerned that
people would judge me. For over a year I would just say "I've worked really
hard" when people asked how I was losing weight. That was phase 1, "denial."
Phase 2, "jubilation. " I practically had T-shirts printed. I would shout from
the mountain tops -- yes, I had weight loss surgery and I've gotten my life
back. No more do I sit in a conference room and wonder who's thinking I'm stupid
because I'm the fattest person in the room. Every day I thought about what it
felt like to be thin instead of fat. And then one day, I stopped thinking about
it.
Phase 3 , "acceptance. " I don't hide from the surgery or keep it secret. I'll
tell anyone how I lost weight and how much happier and healthier I am. But I
just don't think about it anymore. I am not defined by my weight -- or my former
weight, or my weight loss surgery. I'm defined by my laugh, the way I treat my
friends and the way I treat my family. I am so removed from the surgery that
even as I explained to my DH about my phases and why was reluctant to put this
post on my cooking blog, I didn't realize that I had just passed my anniversary.
I even remember celebrating on March 15 -- but we were celebrating Caesar and
mourning the Ides of March. Only today a little over two weeks later did I
realize it was my anniversary.
On the cooking blog explanation I promised, before surgery I wasn't picky about
what I ate. Post op I decided if my intake was going to be limited then garbage
food was a thing of the past. I would only eat quality food. To accomplish this
I took up cooking. Now, I've taught classes and last month I started a blog
(it's pronounced wine-oh); last weekend I had my first catering job.
I have some very fond memories of losing my fat self. My first year post op was
exciting, a whirlwind. There are a few moments that really stand out as joyous
-- realizing that I was running (for fun), fitting in an amusement park ride
with children and buying size 10 jeans. All of these moments would have been
impossible before surgery. But my favorite gift is not thinking about it at all,
coming the full circle where my weight is just a small part of who I am.
My health has been good since surgery. I have watched my vitamins very carefully
(in fact it was the realization that I'm slightly past due for annual labs that
made me realize I had missed my anniversary. I had an iron deficiency and had to
get treated. I'm also taking pro-biotics all the time to avoid gas. But I'm
happy and I'm me.
I will always think of the people at PacLab and my Hotties who helped me through
this process as family. And I'll always cry when I see the Golden Gate Bridge
(as it was the view out my window as I recovered).
If you are reading this and you are about to have surgery or just had surgery; I
can't even tell you how excited I am for you. I think it must be like a parent
watching their child graduate an Ivy League school with multiple job offers in
hand -- the possibilities are amazing. Your life is going to be amazing. You are
going to be you -- only even more amazing. You have love and support from people
you haven't met.
If you are post-op and having one of those yucky days where you are tired,
pissed that you can't eat and suffering digestive discomfort -- it gets better,
work the plan, stay in contact with the amazing folks at PacLab and use the
board for love and support. There are always great people here.
Here's contact info for PacLap -- I had a DS and I am greatful for it every day
Barbara Metcalf RN,CBN
Program Director
Pacific Laparoscopy
2250 Hayes St. 3rd Floor
San Francisco CA 94117
415-668-3200