Yaga110
THE BEGINNING OF THE STORY!
I have learned so much by reading all the profiles and posts. It truly is a blessing to have something like this to read when I have any (and I do mean any) questions or concerns. I am 5'6 235lbs. I am 25 years old and have struggled with my weight since puberty. I didn't receive a lot of criticism because I wouldn't listen, but I am aware of what was said. "She is so pretty, she should just loose weight." "She has such a pretty face" Probably why I like myself just from the neck up. Everyone has there story and I have mine, but the plain and simple truth is I am tired of fighting a battle that I will never win.
The surgery will give me the tool that I need to win and god dammit.... I'm going to do it while I am still young. This gives me a better chance to fight off the diabetes, and female cancers that run in my family. It will help bring my hormonal balance back, which means that I may someday (if I loose my mind) be able to have a child. Most of all it will help me to see myself in a better light.
I am very happy to have the chance to do this for myself.
Well, it seems that the Wish Center and I will have parted ways. I am not pleased with there personalized care. They treated me as a "general" not an "individual” and any association that deals with patients in that manner will not be operating on me. Don't get me wrong I am sure that some of there staff is wonderful, just not the ones I dealt with. So it's back to square one.
Thank God, I already know I have been approved once by my insurance, which takes such a stress away. All I have to do if find a surgeon that respects my individual needs. So the search begins....
Well, my life has taken a dramatic turn. The boyfriend and I have split up, which sent me on a cross country drive alone, back to my home town in central Pennsylvania. But this has opened my options of surgeons, and I have found one that is absolutely wonderful. I have my EGD scheduled tomorrow and I can't wait to get all of this together. The sooner the better... I am so excited!!
Well I had my EGD yesterday. And... AHHH :) I have a surgery date. The 9th of September. I can't believe how fast this is happening. I have no fears or concerns, what is to happen will happen. With the way my life is going recently I have to face everything with that attitude or I wouldn't make it through the days. Now I have to get ready and together for afterwards.
This is such an exciting time. Some day I hope to look back on this as the best decision I have every made for myself. Maybe my recent brake up was a good thing. You never know. Well I have 6 days until my surgery. It seems like a second is a minute, time is going so slow. I would be happy if I could just go in now. I do have an apt. tomorrow with the hospital, and my surgeon. I am sort of excited to see what he believes my goal weight should be. I plan on following his directions to the last small detail. I want to do this the right way. I am ready for this life change. I know what the possible risks are, and what could happen, but these are risks I am willing to take. Nothing could make me back out of this. Even the people who say it is a bad decision... well they have never lived my life so they have no right to say what is right and wrong to me.
I had all of my pre-op testing done on Wed. All clear to go.
Wow 4 more days. I am so excited. Time is moving slowly though, hopefully my schedule will help with the wait.
Well tomorrow is the day... Yeah... everyone keeps asking me if I'm nervous... NO WAY, probably not until I get to the hospital and am about to go in, then they'll put me out and that will be that. I am going to get a massage today, and then I am going to go to my aunt’s house and take a wonderful bath in her big tub. This evening I am going to rent a movie and vedge out on my new bed with my dog and cat. Wow, this is an incredible feeling, getting to start life a new. Well I write when I get back...
MY FIRST YEAR EXPERIANCES POST OP
I'm back. Everything went really well, no complications (so far) and I am feeling good. My incision is healing nicely and the sick to my tummy feeling is pretty much gone too. It is weird though. The mental hunger verses my actual hunger is something I will have to get used to. I have already broken 200... This is just amazing to me. I just want to fast forward a year and see how my life has changed. But I suppose it’s better to just wait and see.
It's been almost three weeks since my surgery, and everything is going really well. My incision is draining, but from what I've read, it is very normal. I am starting to get my energy back, and all my clothes are falling off. I have lost almost 30lbs. I actually am starting to see a waist again... YEAH. I can't tell you how happy I am that I made this decision.
Well, this coming Tuesday will mark my first month. I weighed myself today, I am down to 180. I can hardly believe it. I spent the last 5 days in Maryland with some really good friends. I haven't had that much fun in a long time. Just laughing and lots of history, they were all so supportive of the surgery, it was great to be surrounded by people who wanted to know and understand what it was like, and what I went through. But of course, what amount I ate was a topic of conversations at dinner :) It was a great time; I am going to go back soon.
I am now a little over a month post-op. My incision is still draining, and it turns out that my body decided to reject the stitching (knowing my body, this does not surprise me at all). Its no big deal though, I just got some antibiotics and hopefully that will clear everything up. I consider my self extremely lucky if that is the worst complication I face from this surgery. I still feel that this was a great decision, and I would not change a thing.
I am down to a size sixteen, and If I don't say so myself I look and feel pretty good. I got a job, not doing graphic design... but it pays alright and it gives me something to do. So, everything is going well, although, I miss Phoenix, I really did like the heat, it's starting to get cold in Pennsylvania, and it sucks. I hope that everyone who decides to make this journey has a safe and healthy road to recovery. And if you’re wondering about it, do your research, know what you’re getting into... and make an informed decision. It’s worth the time, you'll know if it's right for you or not, I promise.
I have been feeling so much better lately. I am regaining my strength. I can actually have a filled day and not feel like I'm going to fall over at the end of it. Not only that, but my self-esteem seems to be creeping back as well. I am happy, and even with all the recent changes and curve balls in my life I am holding everything together well. I am happy with myself, and I haven't been in a long time. It feels good. I am not saying the surgery fixed everything in my life, but it sure seems to be helping.
Well it's Christmas day, and I am doing really well. I am very happy with the results of my surgery so far. I have so much more energy, and am in general a much happier than I ever was when I was carrying all the extra weight. I am in a size 12/13 and loving it, honestly if I didn't loose another pound I would still be very glad I had it done.
I got a job doing what i went to school for finally, GRAPHICS, FINALLY! Today is my first day off in a month. I have been working almost 80 hour weeks for the last 3 weeks. Thank god I got a great job with people that are just wonderful. Well Merry Christmas everyone.... and may you be blessed on your journey.
I am almost six months post-op. I must admit, I feel pretty damn good about myself. I am now the same size I was when I graduated High School. This is an amazing process to go through, and it gets better all the time. I still get sick occasionally (it's usually my fault from eating too fast though) and my scar is bigger than I would like it to be... but that is from my body rejecting the stitches, not anything my surgeon did. I look at pictures of myself from a year ago and realized how swollen my body looked. It so strange... evens my hands and feet look so different. I feel so much better now. It is to cold here at the moment to do anything outside. But, I may actually try snowboarding again. I haven't done that in years, because of my weight. Now I am ready to try again... Wow... life is good.
It amazes me how much my attitude towards myself has changed in these last few months. Each day I find myself being more confident about my abilities to be a productive and competent person. This surgery was a tool for me not only to loose weight and become healthy physically, but mentally as well. I think that because I feel better about what I see as me, I am able to move forward and see the opportunities that life has to offer, instead of hiding inside of myself where I couldn't get hurt. I am not afraid of the pain in life anymore; it makes me a stronger & better person. I can't wait to see what’s next!
Let’s see, I need to express something. I went out the other night to Mardi gras in Williamsport and I had an alright time. But I was a bit disturbed by events that happened throughout the night. I saw a good amount of people I haven't seen in a long time while I was there (guys I went to school with.) Well to make a long story short, I am bothered by the attention that was given to me. I haven't changed as a person; I am still me, just with less weight. This surgery seems to show me how sad people truly are. These guys wouldn't have shown me a bit of attention 7 months ago, and suddenly they are buying drinks left and right, wanting to dance and keep my attention. How am I ever supposed to know now who would of liked me no matter what? I guess in a sense this new body is a type of power, but I don't know if it's the type of power I wanted. How will I ever not question men’s intentions now? Don't get me wrong, I am still very glad I had the surgery because I feel a hell of a lot better in more areas than just being thinner. But, all they see is that I am "thinner". They don't know the rest of the healing it has created in me. Ugh... I guess there are downfalls to all great things... and this is something that I will have to work through on my own.
I found something that has helped me deal with my feelings since the last post. I found it of course on this site (my life line when it comes to my surgery). Here it is... written by someone else... but holds true.
"I have lost about 50# so far, and although the compliments are nice, it also makes me feel a bit awkward, because I am the SAME person inside that I was before. When people focus on your looks, and rant and rave about it, it can be a little overwhelming. I try to smile and thank people for their support, and not make a huge deal out of it. Unfortunately our society is focused on looks, rather than the person inside, whether we like it or not. That is something that I doubt will ever significantly change. I hope that as thin people, we never lose sight of the real reasons we had the surgery, to be healthy and live a long full life... not to look good in jeans... and also that we continue to respect those who are still struggling with weight issues, as they deserve to be."
This was perfect for me... and it helped me deal with a few unpleasant thoughts that were going through my head. I will keep in mind that although I may not like the way society has brainwashed people to feel certain ways about obese people, it is a fact, and that is the way it is. So, I will take it in stride when I get attention that makes me squirm, and smile, tell them how great I feel inside and out.
I went to Penn College yesterday to go to the ceramics room and do some pottery. It felt so good to have my hands in clay again, and to see my very FAVORITE prof. Mr. Ameigh. I have missed pottery so much. I was worried about my skills because I hadn't touched a wheel since I have been home from Phoenix, but 8 months without any practice didn't slow me down a bit... I still got it :) Infact I felt more comfortable sitting at the wheel than I ever have. I think because my body is more in balance now, I actually had an easier time centering the clay than ever before. I used to notice that alot, if I was having a bad day I was useless at the wheel, and on good days it was very easy to center any size piece of clay. So, yesterday was incredibly wonderful, I not only felt good about being able to sit down at the wheel and throw myself back into it, but it allowed me to feel how centered I have become personally as well. Pottery is like that for me. I wish I could work on it everyday, I feel it helps me through. An expression that no one can dictate, it is all my hands and heart, it is me meshed with earth and it grounds me. I can't wait until that I am able to create again in my own studio. GOD BLESS.
Today is March 29, 2004. I have officially been 26 for three days. I also have hit another milestone that I must share. I weighed myself today, and for the first time since my Junior year in Highschool my BMI is in the normal range. I am no longer considered over weight. I am in the normal catagory, WOW. I can't tell you how much that thrills me. I never even thought I would get out of the obese catagory, let alone get to the "NORMAL" range. Also, a just a quick little thing that I noticed this weekend. I went to the park and got to swing without being pinched. What a great feeling, swinging through the air without the chains digging into my flesh. The little things are what count so much, and this little bit on newness created a big smile. I have lost another six pounds. I didn't think I had lost anything since my last apt.
I went running this morning... and my body actually moved with out feeling like I was hauling it along. It actually worked and the little bit of speed felt ausome. I also got a home gym, I have been working on that every other day.I want to tone my body up and see how that works for me.
WOW... big news...I am officially under the goal weight I set for myself at the start of this journey. I had told myself that if I got under 150, I would be happy and anything below that was just icing on the cake. Well, I made it in 8 months, and I know I am not done loosing yet. This is fabulous, I feel incredible inside and out. I have so much more self confidence and drive, life is good. I pray all the time thanking god for all the blessings he has given me. I am truly happy with myself for the first time is 10 years.
I am down to a size 8, I haven't worn a size 8 since my 10th grade year in high school. I feel great, this surgery was the best thing I have ever done for myself. And, I am only on month 10...
WOW Well, I am now in a size six, excuse me when I say "Holly SHIT". I look in the mirror, and am amazed at this woman staring back at me. Is that me? I wore a size six in middle school, how insane is that. I can't believe how much my body has changed. I have never felt so good about myself physically, EVER! I feel good in a bathing suit... FIRST TIME EVER. I have about a month and a half to my one year anniversary. I would love to be in the century club by then, but if not... whatever, I may send my pic in anyway. What an incredible journey.
I have had a recent event take place that really freaked me out. I don't know what to say about it besides... UGH.. I had a proffesional that I trusted proposition me. Why do men feel they have the right to do that too me. I don't know how to handle it. I have never had to deal with that type of attention before, and I keep asking myself, did I do something to create this? Did I say the wrong thing, did I act the wrong way, I don't know, I'm just wierded out. I hate this feeling. It sucks. I need to learn how to handle situations like this that arise in a more upfront way. I am so worried about hurting someones feelings that it makes it hard for me to say, I'm not interested, I just get nervous and start laughing. I don't want to be a bitch, but I don't want this feeling either. It just is so uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I like that I am more attractive, and I feel so much better about myself, it just comes with it's downsides too.
THE SECOND YEAR POST OP
Well, It is now officially a year since I've had my surgery. Life has definately changed for the better. I feel 100% better than I did a year ago. I feel great, and look damn good. But, I have also learned that being thinner does not make all your problems dissappear... but it sure made them easier to deal with:) I think I was just so displeased with the way I looked and felt about myself, that I didn't feel worthy of anything. Now I know that I am. Which makes me feel better than I have in years. This surgery has been a god send for me.
I am so grateful to have been able to use this tool to create such positive and wonderful changes in my life. Nothing and everything is the same. I don't know how else to explain my life. It's crazy how much things have changed, and how they haven't changed at all. I am still the same person with the same fears and goals. Yet people treat me so differently now that it makes how I percieve things different. I think I want to write a book. Titled "The Former Fat Chick" I don't want to talk about the surgery in depth, or my eating habits or anything to that nature. I want to talk about how society has changed towards me as I have lost the weight. About how men have treated me since the weight has dropped off. About how the weight loss has affected my relationships with family memebers and friends. And how I feel differently when it comes to all of the above since I have lost the weight. I don't think it would be a best seller, but I think it would be interesting to those of us who have been through it. I will probably start on it soon. Well... as soon as my busy season at work is over.
I went to a very nice womens dress shop that my best friend manages. I tried on dress starting with a 8.. to big.. 6 to big..4 fit... and 2's fit. OH MY GOODNESS. I have never in my adult life even dreamed about fitting into a 4 or a 2. It's insane, but in a good way. I am now getting the "don't loose anymore weight" from family and friends. But, I can't controll it, it's not like I am doing anything to excell my weight loss. Hell I haven't been to the gym since the busy season at work. Although I am going to check the YMCA out tomorrow with a friend from work. I feel really lazy, I need phsyical activity. I feel better about myself when I go to the gym... so thats what I am going to do.
Had to get this in, I went snowboarding for the first time in 5 years this past weekend. I am so sore, and banged up it's crazy. Let me say that it hurts a hell of a lot more to fall when there is so much less padding going on. My butt feels like one big bruise, when I sit or walk... OUCH. But it's great exercise, and oh... so much fun. I am going to go again this weekend... as soon as my body heals. I have to admitt, I do feel like I was hit by a train, and sadly enough I can't wait to do it again.
Oh... thanks for the emails and post from everyone. It's great to know that just a little bit of time and energy to update this profile makes a difference for more than just myself. Much love to all that are thinking about or going through this life change!!
Time seems to be moving so swiftly. I can't believe it's been another year already. I am turning 27 this month. UGH... Not that it is a bad age, just that I am not where I thought I would be at this age. But, I suppose I am right where I should be. It's wierd, I have my life totally together. I have a good job, I just got a very good raise, I have my car, my apartment, my studio is being set up, my pets, my family... everything is in order. I am finiacially stable, am saving for my first home, yet even with everything going smoothly I feel very empty. It is so strange, I look better than I have in 10 years, I have a career, yet it seems meaningless sometimes with out having someone to share it with. I guess I am just to picky, it's not like I have a hard time finding men who would like to take me out, it's that I have a hard time having one interest me. I am truly Jaded!!! Maybe someday it will happen for me... if not at least everything else is going the way it should. Maybe I should just get used to being alone. Perhaps I was meant for it.
I have met someone, and I can't express how happy I am about it. It's been almost 2 years since my last relationship, and this is the first time that I have had that feeling in so long. If any of you have read the book "He's just not that into you" imagine the exact opposite, and that's what I am dealing with. I have never dated anyone who was that into me... ever. And the best part is I am just that into him as well. I hope this feeling lasts. It's been almost a month... and I realize it's early, but it feels so good that I had to share. Especially after checking my profile and reading the last thing I wrote... It seems maybe I don't need to be alone... falling in love again is incredible. Oh... and he knows all about the surgery and is great about it... life is really good right now... for this and so many other reasons!!!
Life keeps getting better and better. I am very in love with the most wonderful man, I have never been treated better. We are moving in together in a great old apartment downtown in a victorian district... close enough to walk to everything. And I have been hired to teach the Visual Communications class at the local vocational school. Everything seems to have fallen into place. I couldn't have picked a more ideal situation for myself. LIFE IS GOOD!
Well I have been an instructor for High School students now for over three months. What a huge difference in responsibility. I think I spend more time with these kids then some of their parents do, and I have them for three years, meaning I can have a big impact on them. Wow... who decided I was the right person for that? But I try to teach them respect and work ethic, and to be good to one another and truly do what makes them happy... we'll see. --------- I also have been living with the Allen for 3 months and dating him for 6 now. I have gotten over some major hurdles in my emotional life left over from a very bad experiance with a former man, after finding out about some very nasty things he said about me, but it has helped in my healing process, and allowed me to love Allen the way that I want to... and should. Especially considering how wonderful he is to me. He is one of those men that has a take charge attitude in the real world/work world... but at home he isn't like that, he prefers to make me happy.... which is nice change from the opposite of that which I had dealt with in my prior relationship. I think I may marry him... LOL... someday maybe... when I get over my committment issues... Hope all is well for other members...and again... if you are thinking about this surgery... do your research know what your getting into... and know from those of us who have been through it ... you're worth it... this life is worth it...
THE THIRD YEAR POST OP
I am now 3 years post op. My weight is stable, my health concerning the surgery is very good. I just have to make sure to take my vitamins. Work is great, I love my students, even if they are pain in the asses. I am still with Allen and very happy in my relationship with him. Life is stable and fullfilling. I am blessed.
As of yesterday I am officially three years post-op. I am doing really well physically and mentally. I got a letter from the hospital that I had my surgery at about going a group to get back on track. ??? It said that after the second year people start to gain weight back, and I know that some people do, but I have been fortunate and am not one of those people. I actually just dropped 10lbs. and am back to around 130. I am very happy with my weight and body. Although I would like to have my breasts done eventually. Allen and I are doing wonderful. We have decided that we are going to look for our first house in six months so we can have one by the end of next summer. My job teaching is going really really well, and my second job as a graphic designer at my old company is great to bring in some extra cash. Life has it's ups and downs... and it's meant to be that way... enjoy the ride!
Update: Allen Proposed and we have decided to wait a year to buy our home. But I have made the decision to have my breast done. I will have them done in may as soon as school lets out. Our wedding will be in September, and I am going to look fabulous in a wedding dress... and fill out the top!!! WOOHOOO!!!
UPDATE: SUMMER 2007
Well I had my breast augmentation done on the 5th of July, it is now the 5th of August, and I am all healed. They are really beautiful, and I couldn't be happier with them. Allen loves them too! I feel so much better about myself. I feel my body is proportioned, and I am not covering myself anymore.
I also was in a plane crash on Tuesday... yes serioulsy, a plane crash. The four seater came down after take off. We were about 1500 feet in the air, and came down about 55 miles an hour into the side of a mountain. It was a very surreal experiance. I knew I wasn't going to die and kept a very calm aura around myself. It was a very interesting day. Needless to say I feel very fortunate to have walked away from such an accident. All I know is god must have other plans for me yet.
THE FOURTH YEAR POST OP
I started teaching again at the start of September, and got married at the end. I am officially Mrs.Boyd. Although I am keeping my maiden name for my students. I will always be "Holter" to them, and I like it that way. My weight is still stable, and I judge what I do by the scale at the beginning of the week. I can promise you, I will never allow that needle to creep on me again. EVER! I like my life as this woman, and I don't want to go back. Allen has promised to help me get a start on my book. I am going to write it, I think it will be interesting. So here is to 4 Years Post Op!!! Yeah Me.
THE FIFTH YEAR POST OP
As far as my life is concerned I am happily married, and living in our first home. I have two dogs, and two cats. I love my career. I am a high school teacher and I get to make a difference everyday. My family is amazing and I am lucky to have them.
To anyone starting this journey. Good luck to you. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to message me.
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
