yellow_dog_10

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Please know that I feel like a donkey for whining about slow weight loss.  Now that I know it happens in fits and spurts I don't sweat stalls or slow points. 

Weight is coming off again.  Sigh.  I'm a lunatic.  But at least now I'm a happier one.

Then what is it going to be like in the next few months?  I am losing about two lbs a week by eating less and exercising more than I ever have.  I am eating about 800 cal a day (absorbing how many?) and burning about 350-400 with exercise.  Why do I need to work so hard at this when it seems a lot easier, not to mention faster, for everyone else?  At this rate I will still be struggling with this in a year and a half!  I really don't think my goals are too aggressive given the press WLS has. 

I've been such a negative wretch over the past week(s) so I thought I'd be positive for a change.  I slept like a baby last night, work is definitely getting better, and I'm going to Hawaii soon.  Yay!

OK, I'm not EVEN two months out and I stopped losing weight.  I was losing and gaining the same two pounds over and over again, then I lost two more and this AM they were back.  I can't seem to lose anything.  I am taking my viatamins, eating my protein, drinking my water, and exercising for about 45 minutes a day.  I am working harder at this than I have at any diet I've ever been on.  I belong to a diet site that, based on the nutritional info and exercise info I give it, says that I should be losing about 25 lb a month-and that's if I were "average", meaning non-WLS.  
I have actually lost weight faster on diets. I feel like this was supposed to help me and that it was a tool that, if I used it correctly, was guaranteed to help me lose weight.  How on earth am I not?  I eat fewer calories than I expend every single day.  I've tried increasing cals, decreasing them, decreasing carbs, increasing protein, decreasing and increasing fat, NOTHING helps.  At all.  How long can this go on?  Is there some hormone or something I have in my body that is dedicated to maintaining some obese homeostasis?  I've never felt more betrayed by my body.
And I feel like I've posted twenty times, Hey boohoo Im not losing weight please tell me it will be ok.
I don't want anyone to tell me it'll be ok, I just want it to BE OK.
And I feel like I'm having a temper tantrum.  I really really hope that one day I can look back and chuckle knowingly at this post, having achieved my goal. 

Why oh why can I not sleep?  I have had my chamomile.  I have tried the meditation that my BMT thinks will help.  It did not, and I fought to repress thoughts about shoe sales...will try again tomorrow.  Last night I read the New England Explorer's Guide.  It worked, but not tonight.  Sometimes I hate the city.  Some crickets chirping might be helpful. 

After a terrible two weeks of no scale movement, I FINALLY got some good news.  I lost 2 lbs since this AM!  And they're not the two I lost and gained and lost again.  Next time I stall I promise I will listen to everyone who told me it would pick up again.

Still gaining and losing the same few pounds.  Had thyroid checked today...maybe I need more Synthroid?  I need something, I'll tell you that.  I need to LOOSE WEIGHT!

OK, I'm getting a little angry at my body.  I got down to 40 pounds lost during the week.  Now, I'm gaining and losing the same two familiar pounds day after day.  This morning I had gained the two yet again after losing them yesterday.  This is how my body has behaved on every single diet I have tried.  I am TERRIFIED that there is some anomaly with my metabolism that makes me retain weight.  

Yes, I know that is not the case, the same way I knew there was no monster in the closet when I was a kid.  Nevertheless, I'll be biting my nails over it until the scale makes a permanent downward shift.  And work is monstrous right now.  So my nails have already been bitten off. 

Additionally, I can take no comfort in the measuring tape because my waist has grown an inch.  

Poor me.  ;-)

Because the scale won't friggin' move.

Thigh: 29.5
Waist: 44
Bust:  Holding at 47
Hips: 53
Neck: Still 15 in.
Wrist: 6 3/4 in.