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Today is my 1 year "surgiversary".  What a difference a year makes.  It's been a challenging and rewarding year, filled with lot of new adventures and learning.  I look back at my last post that was nearly a year ago, and boy have I come a long way!  I wear, on average, a size 10 now, although I do have a size 8 pair of Levi's that I love!  I never could have imagined myself being at this size.  When I had the surgery I told myself I'd be happy as a 14 or a 12, but my body had different plans.  I am pretty happy where I am, although I have lots of skin that just hangs.  I really want to get it taken care of, but I just don't know where to start.  I have lots of skin on my thighs and belly.  I bet I'd lose at least another size by having that skin removed.  My insurance would cover it if it's medically necessary....whatever that means.

My life has changed in so many ways both good an bad.  I obviously look better, have more self-esteem and self-confidence than I did before, but I still have my struggles.  I struggle with back pain every day.  I thought that by losing close to 100 #'s my back pain would be gone, but it's there and reminds me everyday.  I think I'll be starting PT soon, and start the leg work of reconstructive surgery.

I still love sweets.  I'm totally not one of those people who has had the surgery and vomits with the least little bit of sugar.  I really need to get hooked up with a local support group, because sugar and I fight every day.  I sure wish that struggle would have gone away with my old stomach.  I fear that I'll lose the battle and will start putting weight back on.  I know that the amount of sugar that I do succumb to, is way less than it used to be, but with my new smaller stomach, I don't want to risk anything.

So all in all, life is good!  This surgery was the best choice I have ever made for myself and I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I am very blessed!

Bless God,
Sarah

So it's done. The surgery that will change my life has been done and there is nothing I can do about it. In a way that is very scary, but exciting too. I think I just held food so high up on a pedistal, and realizing that I'll never be able to do that again is tough. Really tough. I guess that's part of the mental and emotional struggle I'll be going thru for a while. I know some people who have had this done and I think "If they can do it then I most certainly can too"!

It is a hard idea to wrap my head around though. It kind of makes me grieve for the food. Does that make sense? Not grieve over the food necessarily, but grieve for the food. Hmmm....

But I am doing remarkably good. This surgery went way better than any others I have had. Although in preparing mentally for the surgery I compared it to a c-section and a midline surgery (both that I have had), and I tell you what, the laproscopic surgery is the way to go!! Very minimal pain. The gas and bloating is really the only thing I had to worry about, at least so far.

I'm getting burnt out over fruit and sweet based smoothies so I've really been trying to put in some soups and things to break it up. I can't wait until the pureed stage. I can have cottage cheese then, and I've really been craving it. I suppose there are worse things to crave!! :-)

I'm back to work today. I think, mentally I could have taken this week off too. Physically I'm fine. I work in a very laid back, slow paced doctors office I other than the patients staggering in, I really can just sit here and chill out. Nice, very nice.

Ted and I have been weird lately. This weekend was his 20th high school reunion. I didn't go. I didn't want to be a party pooper, so he went with Brette and Sarah (his friend he graduated with and niece, who are dating). I won't go into it but lets just say he ended up sleeping on the couch that night. Some promises were made that weren't kept and I felt really let down by it. I wouldn't have done something like that to him. So I guess that whole fight is still lingering. Plus the "no sex for 3 weeks rule", he takes very seriously. Not sure if he is seriously worried that he'd hurt me, or if he's thinks it's a good reprieve? Doc didn't say "no touching" or "no cuddling". Maybe he's not sure of the difference? Maybe that's a big fat excuse? hehe

Well, I guess this is all for now. I'm going to keep on keeping on!!!

Seems weird that I complained 10 weeks ago, about my surgery not being for 10 weeks because it's HERE! 5 days to go!  It's hardly seems real.

I had my pre-op last week and that really made a huge difference for me. I am not the least bit scared of the actual surgery.  This will be my 4th major (okay maybe 5th) surgery, and I came through those with mostly flying colors, and I am 100% confident I will with this one too.  Plus pain and I are friends.  We like each other and have a simple understanding with each other!   

Quite frankly I was more scared about the things I would be putting into my mouth after surgery.  The idea of living off chicken broth for 6 weeks really had me nervous.  But after meeting with my nutritionist and having my nut class I am resting assured!  I'll be fine.  I know I will be.  I don't have a choice.  Life goes on and I have a husband and kids who need me, and who need me to be healthy.

I can't wait to tell Dr. Schram "thank you for saving my life".  I don't believe my life is in immediate danger, but 5, 10, 20 years from now, it would be in big danger if it wasn't for this surgery.

I am pretty proud of myself.  I think it takes a "big" (no pun intended) person to admit they are obese and an even bigger person to do something about it.  Boy have I got my work cut out for me, but step one starts Monday.  It's like a new life.  I've been looking at myself a lot lately and thinking, "I will never look like this again".  I will soon enough not ever wear these clothes again.  I will soon enough be able to go a day without back pain, maybe heart burn?  I will soon enough be able to function like the mother my children need me to be.  And that is the most wonderful and exciting part of this whole process.  I can be Sarah again.

Well, I have 6 weeks to go until surgery!  The last month has really flown by so I'm guessing the next 6 weeks will as well.  I am still hoping that I'll get a call saying that I can get in sooner!  That would be really great since we are going on vacation on August 2nd, and surgery right now is July 14th.  I am a little nervous about traveling so soon after.  Another lady on OH, with the same surgeon as me was bumped up about 3 weeks.  That would sure be nice.

But in the meantime, the NASCAR races are coming up in just under 2 weeks.  We are very excited this year because we have our new camper to go in.  Infield'ing it in style!

Plus this is the last week of school for the kids.  I cannot believe my little girl is done with KINDERGARTEN!  First grade just seems too unreal for her to be going into in the fall.  She's supposed to be my little girl forever!  But this next year I think will be a challenge for her.  She'll be hopefully at a new school, new teacher, new friends and her hearing aid, which we are hearing she'll have this week or next at the latest.  She is such a tough cookie though!  That little girl has been through so much in her 6 years of life!  More than most in a lifetime!  It's funny because we pick on her saying she is like a little old lady....she's got a hearing aid, bifocals, and orthotics!  hehe  She just laughs!

I really cannot wait to have my surgery!  I'm so tired of being tired!  Plus, I have to admit, that I cannot wait for cute little clothes to wear.  That's going to be a big thing for me.  I've never been skinny.  I've never worn the "cute" clothes.  I may be 29 but I want to look "cute".  I'm tired of my back hurting all the time.  I'm tired of having no energy.  I still do a lot, especially around the house, and I stay pretty active, but when my butt hits the chair at the end of the day, I'm WIPED out!  I'm also really excited to see how my surgery affects the whole family.  Ted just told me he weighed himself the other day and weighs a whopping 180.  He's used to being around 170.  He eats like crap too, he just doesn't gain weight.  Instead his cholesterol shoots up.  So I'm excited for his eating to be revamped right along with mine!  Plus the kids will be affected.  They eat better than Ted and I already, but things will get even better.

I can't wait to get my garden in either!  I'll be working on that this week and weekend.  I need to get moving.  Nothing better than home grown produce!

I'll check in soon, and hopefully the next time will be when I have a new closer date!

Well, I had to call and call but I finally got a date!  It's July 14th.  I can't help but be a little discouraged and disappointed that it isn't sooner.  I had 2 friends who had the RNY with the same surgeon and it only took them 6-8 weeks from consult to surgery date.  But I try to look at the positive side.  That my surgeon must be so well liked that he has a lot of patients, and that's a good thing.  I wouldn't want a surgeon who could get me in tomorrow, that would be a bad thing.  So I'll go with the flow.  I was just hoping to be down 20 #'s or so by the 4th of July.  But maybe my Labor Day!

Well, I found out last Wednesday that I've been approved by my insurance for surgery!!  I am so happy about that.  But now it'll take at least a week, which it's been 5 days, for the Doc to sign off on my file, and for the scheduler to call.  Boy this seems even harder to wait than it was for the insurance to pull through!

Summer is coming, so I just want to have the surgery and get to LOSING!  There are so many cute clothes out there right now for summer.  It seems even more realistic that someday I will be able to wear them!  My husband seems to think that I'll become a shopaholic, but we have a lot of pretty nice second hand stores around here....so why not!

I just want to call the clinic everyday and see when I'm scheduled.  I know I have to wait at least until after May12th, because that's when my husband get's his 3 weeks vacation again.  He wants to stay with me at the hospital, so we are going to wait for that.

But waiting is so HARD!