Question:
I just had a TT in Jan and now find myself pregnant?
Ok when about 3 years ago my OBGYN told me that I had PCOS and to get pregnant it would be difficult and involve fertility meds he said. I have been with my partner for 7 years at that time and we never got pregnant. Well, after My TT in Jan I must have been fertile. We did it once unprotected, stupid I know. BUT that did it. Know my DR's are scaring me. I am just 18 months out from WLS and have been having trouble with my B12 and I faint all the time, we are still trying to get that under control. Also My plastic surgeon removed 12 pounds of skin at they time of surgery and gave me the anchor cut (I am cut from beyond hip to hop and then breast to pelvic bone) he is concerned because I am not healed on the inside so that I may tear and come undone on the inside, since it has not been 6 months. My PCP is concerned because I have a new problem with my thyroid and Before I found out I was pregnant I was already have a problem keeping me nourished, as I am not starting to feel sick in the morning. ALL 3 DOCTORS have told me that it is not advisable to me or the baby to be pregnant at this time. That until some of the other problems are solved/healed it would put a tremendous strain on myself and the baby and have recommended a surgical abortion right away. that is 3 Drs. I don't know how I feel about that. I mean I believe in abortion, for other people, not for me. I have always been told that it would be impossible for me to become pregnant and now that I am what if it never happens again? I bought some books on how to deal with a pregnancy loss through an abortion and It just makes me feel terrible. PLEASE don't bash me or preach to me. This is not what I am asking for I am asking for some imput on how to get through this. I mean a decision has to be made in the next few weeks. I should also add that during this pregnancy I have not been having the best diet. I had been off ALL my vitamins and had a few alcoholic drinks as my life has been turned upside down with the divorce of my parents, the fact that my dad has cancer throughout his body and is terminal and the recent news that I know am responsible to raise my 16 year old HIGH demand brother. I have since sworn of alcohol and started back up with my vitamins and protein shakes. I am 24 years old, with the same man for 10 years now, we are getting married this summer. AM I bad person if I decide that I should do the abortion? I want to do it the right way I want to ask my OBGYN and other DR's what I have to do to get me ready. This is a VERY hard decision any help would be appreciated. If you feel uncomfortable about posting it on the site please email me at [email protected] Nicole — nicole79 (posted on April 5, 2004)
April 5, 2004
I understand your concerns and how hard it would be to have an abortion. I
have a 9 year old and I am only 27 because I didn't want to have an
abortion when I was 18 years old. But when it comes to risking your health
and your unborn child's health then I can understand the reasoning for
having an abortion. I am not against abortion I just don't think it should
be used as a form of birth control. But in your circumstances especially I
see it as being medically necessary. You are only 24 years old and have
plenty of time to have children trust someone who was a very young mother.
I love my son with all my heart but if I could do it again I would have
waited. Good luck in whatever decision you make and may god bless you.
— Ronika D.
April 5, 2004
Nicole, did the doctors say exactly how it would be bad for the baby? (It
being bad for YOU is perfectly clear.) Is it the nourishment issue?
I do not feel that you are a bad person for considering aborting this
pregnancy. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Considering your
options is always a wise choice, as opposed to making snap decisions based
on emotion alone.
— Jeanie
April 5, 2004
Oh Nicole! I am so praying for you. I think it wise to listen to your
doctors and follow their advice. YOU are important too and I think you
need to do what is best for YOU. Good luck sweetie, I am surely praying
for you!
gail @ goal
— Bama Beach Girl
April 5, 2004
I think you should consult a high risk ob gyn before haviung a abortion. I
have some friends who had abortions and years later they are still having
depression and mental problems over their decision to abort. At least by
consultingf a high risk doc you can determine whats best for you, both
short and long term. Feel free to e mail me I have a good friend who can
locate a suitable doc in your area. good luck whatever you do.
— bob-haller
April 5, 2004
Bob,
My OBGYN specializes in high risk pregnancies. I have been with him since I
was 14 years old. He is the one of the heads over at the hospital. I really
trust him, Thank you very much, I really appreciate your suggestion. Nicole
— nicole79
April 5, 2004
Nicole, I am not for abortion, however if it is life threating to you then
I would seriously think about "You" first. You also want to be
able to give your baby the best possible start in life. My suggestion would
be to follow your heart if you decide to keep the baby do everything in
your power to give it what it needs, happy healthy mommy.
— Erin E.
April 5, 2004
Nicole,
I am sorry that what should be an amazing blessing comes at such a
difficult time in your life. My dh & I have been trying to conceive for
the past 9 years and have adopted a girl & a boy during that time. I
would just encourage you to think about your infertility isssues, and
consisder how you would feel if you choose to end this pregnancy and would
never be able to conceive again. Fertility drugs do work some of the time,
but there are no guarantees that it would be sucessful for you. I
understand the brevity of the health issues that your MDs are concerned
about,and of course, a healthy baby needs a healthy mom. Another thought is
that pregnancy/baby may feel too overwhelming to you right now because of
the other stressors that you have going on. Maybe you could consisder
adoption as an option should you want to give birth to this child, but
don't feel prepared/able to parent...there are many, many couples waiting.I
don't wish anyone a situation like yours. I am sorry that you have to make
such a terrible decision. I don't mean for this to sound preachy, and I
apologize if I do, but I would ask that you carefully consider any way to
keep this pregnancy. Had my ds & dd birthparents chosen abortion-I
would not have them here today. I wish you peace, whatever you decide.....
— Heather N.
April 5, 2004
Hi Nicole.. What a horrible situation to be in! I have no advice other
than to really listen to your docs and if you need to, get four or five
opinions. But when it comes down to it.. would you want a baby to suffer
if your body is not in the prime condition for being pregnant? I don't
know. I would go insane trying to make a decision like that. Just know we
support you and if you ever need an ear.. email me. Good luck and you are
in my prayers. And remember, God knows you are trying your hardest, stay
close to him during this time.
— Kelly R.
April 5, 2004
Just like everyone else, I must say, "WOW". What a situation.
Ok, here is my two cents, this comes from a mother of three beautiful
perfect boys. I also did my thesis on abortions and their effects on
women. If you get an abortion, you will ALWAYS remember the day of the
abortion and the day that the baby was supposed to have been born. You
will most likely mourn its loss forever, even if you are fortunate to have
another biological child. That comes from my research. Now, from the
mother side, if you live through having the baby and god forbid it has some
type of defect, can you live with your choice to have the child? I would
not consider myself religious but I truely believe that god would not give
someone such a gift if he did not think they could handle it. This is a
decision only you and your partner can make. My husband and I chose not to
try for a fourth because we would feel terriable if something was wrong
with it. Not that we could not handle just about anything, we just didn't
think it was fair to our would be child. I do have to admit that like
others have said, your health should come first, but I am not sure I would
be able to give up the gift of a child when all my life I was told it would
be almost impossible to get pregnant. If you want to talk, please feel
free to e-mail me. Good Luck with whatever you choose.
— Angela A.
April 5, 2004
only YOU can make this decision because only you will have to live with it.
That said, talk to other doctors before making adecision, maybe a high risk
doc at another hospital so the opinion you get is truely unbiased by
association with the other doctor. In the meantime take care of yourself
as if you are planning to carry on the pregnancy , you know the routine, up
the vits, get b-12 injections if neccesary, lots of folic acid, protein
shakes and more protein. If you do not want an abortion do not let your
doc pressure you into it, no matter how much you like and respect him . I
work in an ob dept and have seen patients look up to their docs as
wonderful while the staff knows otherwise. quite honestly they rotate being
head of the dept. and I have heard jokes that it is their year because
they were late to the meeting when it was voted and got elected in their
absense. you need a doctor who will respect your feelings no matter what
your decision and who will do whatever it take to keep you and the baby
healthy. You can have your feedings supplemented with IV feedings called
hyperalimentation or TPN. On the otehr hand if you want an abortion you
don't need to explain to any one. we live in a world of NO privacy. You
might want to keep this private until you make a decision and only share
this information with those who love you and support your choice. other
wise you might find yourself on the recieving end of a LOT of criticism, it
is a very volitile subject that brings out a lot of strong emotions. good
luck
— **willow**
April 5, 2004
Nicole, My heart goes out to you in this time of major stress and a
horrible decision to be made. I just had a lower body lift 6 weeks ago and
I cannot imagine carrying a baby anytime in the future. The skin is so
tight etc. Heck if I get a little swelling the skin burns. You need to be
in top notch physical as well as mental condition in order to carry a
healthy baby to term. What jumps out at me with the entire situation, is
what would happen if the baby made it and you didn't? Who would raise it?
I know that sounds extreme but it would appear your body is not where it
should be to carry a baby right now. Abortion is a horrible decision for
anyone to have to make. I also have a 25 yr history of severe PCOS and was
told even with all the heavy duty fertility drugs on the market I'd
probably have about a 1/4 of 1% chance of ever getting pregnant. However,
that was before WLS and before losing 246 lbs. I am 43 so I made the
decision that having a child was no longer a consideration and had my tubes
tied. While this is a normal thing, the fact that I have been on Depo
shots since 1995 and am still on them even after the tubal, is not. The
Depo had been to deal with the irregular bleeding and that's why I still
need it. Most would say you are already on birth control so why the tubal.
Well I was paranoid of becoming pregnant at 43 and having a Downs baby
etc. I was not willing to take on that risk and responsibility knowing the
high incidence of it occurring with babies born to older mothers. I also
knew that many a woman has ended up pregnant after major weight loss.
There are few sure fire things we can count on 100% to prevent pregnancy.
<p>None of us can make this decision for you, however if you decide
to terminate the pregnancy please seek some counseling for a while. It is
clear this is not an easy decision for you. My guess is you will likely be
able to get pregnant again as your body may have worked out some of it's
issues with the weight loss. However, you do need to be prepared to accept
it, if it doesn't happen. But there are many wonderful children looking
for a mom and dad through adoption. I personally do not think I would
continue with the pregnancy for medical reasons. You have 3 docs saying
it's not the right time for your body and one that deals with high risk
pregnancies all the time. I know it's a tough decision and I will send my
blessings and prayers your way to help you make your decision and find
peace with it, whatever it is.
— zoedogcbr
April 6, 2004
Hi, Nicole! You definitely need some more information before making this
decision. Please consult with a high-risk OB/GYN, maybe several.
Others might flame me for saying this, but I'm going to say it anyways. I
believe that if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it, and
that even when "experts" are telling us what we should do, God
may be leading us in another direction. You didn't mention whether or not
you believe in God or not, but if so, talk to Him.
I am in your support whatever you decide - as we all are.
— raye
April 6, 2004
Nicole, I hope that you make the decision that is right for you, and I hope
there are other family members who can help with your dad and brother. (And
support your mom, too.) I do agree with the others that you should see a
high risk OB for another opinion. You may have a rocky road ahead no matter
what you decide. May God bless you and give you wisdom , peace and
strength.
— koogy
April 6, 2004
Oops - meant to write see another high risk OB - you have been seeing the
same person since age 14 and he may know you to well to be impartial.
— koogy
April 6, 2004
Hi Nicole, What a terrible quandry you are in. Have you thought about
getting a surrogate? That way you can keep your baby, keep your new figure
and BOTH of you can be healthy. You are going through a lot at this time
and if you could have the opportunity to not worry about the baby then this
would be a good suggestion. Abortion..I read a lot of people's opinions
regarding the subject and you need to follow your own convictions in
regards to that topic. I personally believe in the right to choose and
have done so. I do not remember the day I had it done, nor do I mourn the
decision that I made. If you think you are making the correct decision for
you then there is no reason to look back and that goes for any decision
that you make regarding this. My suggestion ask 3 people that you trust to
tell you the truth and if they all tell you the same thing then that is
what you should do. Surrogacy is your best bet. Good luck.
— lstinson
April 6, 2004
Dear Nicole: I know how hard a decion that you have to make. About 10 years
ago i had to make the same one for healt reasons. It was so hard and i had
no one. Please tald to a conslur an a specialist. But most of all listen to
your heart. God Bless
— Peggy R.
April 7, 2004
It has to be your choice, listen to your heart. My own personal belief,
abortion is wrong. Termination of a life. Getting pregnant is a miracle,
it never makes sense why some women not fit to be mothers can have one
after another! I have one child, he will be eleven, I was a high risk
pregnancy. I had diabetes and preeclampsia, and he was born caesarian. I
divorced several years later. Thought I would never probably have another,
and 6 months after WLs I became pregnant after one sx encounter, irst one
in almost 3 years! I was scared, single, poor, and still fresh post op.
After the shock wore off, I became elated, and was very happy. About
thattime, I miscarried and ended up in the ER. It was so horrible and not
real. I mourn for that lost child so much, and I cant even imagine how I
would feel emotionally if I had purposefully ended the life of my baby. I
believe, we are handed things that we can handle. My WLS surgeon was upset
I was pregnant, I suppose because it screws up my weight loss and his
stats, I don't know. Now I take all precautions available to avoid this
happening again!! But I hope someday before I get too old to, I will meet
a worthy partner and have another child. But if not, I am happy also!
Yes, you helath sucks now, many women have had healthy babies, after
developing health problems during pregnancy, like me. My life was in
danger, but then, are we not all in some danger when having babies? The
anesthesia, blood loss, toxemia, there are many dangers. things you can do
to help, take the vits, get b12 shots, drink protien shakes. Try to relax.
This had to be your decision. But consider the emotional as well as
physical aspects of whatever you decide. Also, consider that abortion
sometimes ends the life of the mother as well as the baby.
— Jenny_B
April 7, 2004
Nicole, I can understand how this is a difficult time emotionally, but step
back away from it and try to see it objectively. The B-12, thyroid, and
nurishment issues can me taken care of and should not pose a huge risk to
the child at this point. These kinds of things can be monitored and
maintianed during the course of your pregnancy. You are far enough out
from your WLS for that not to be a huge factor either. The one that
concerns me the most is the TT. You will grow and stress the stomach
muscles that you just had cut open. Good side is....it most likely wont
happen for a few more months. <br><br>Bottom line: Do what you
feel is right. Whatever you decide will be the right decision. Doctors
are not the end all know all, you are. Use their information and concerns
to make your own decisions. Ask questions...alot of questions. Do not ask
thier opinions, ask for thier answers.<br>Best of luck to you hun.
/hugs
— RebeccaP
April 8, 2004
I will start by saying up front that I do not believe in abortion for any
reason because I believe a child is a child at the moment of conception,
with a soul and a purpose to fulfill, but I hope you will still read my
post. I am very sorry to hear of your health issues and wish you the best
in your recovery. I have 3 beautiful children and lost one child during
pregnancy. I was pregnant every year from 19-23 years of age, even with
using birth control methods for the last 3 pregnancies. I have had
preeclampsia with every pregnancy, gestational diabeties with 2 of them and
placenta previa with one of them. I was told not to have any more children
after my second pregnancy when my son was born and was on complete bed rest
from 3 1/2 mtns of pregnancy until I delievered him 1 week shy of full
term. I had a miscarriage right after him then 6mths after that I got
pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was so very upset about being
pregnant with her that if I had believed at all in abortion I truly think I
would not have carried her. My doctor was also very concerned for my health
and I saw him every week from the time I found out about her at 4 weeks
along (I saw him 2-3 times a week in the last part of my pregnancy and
delivered her 3 weeks early because of my health problems). I am so very
glad I did not make that choice because she has been the most special child
of all. I think God gives special gifts when we most need them. I hope you
will at least get another opinion with a high rist ob that is not connected
with the other doctors so that you can get all the information you need to
make the best possible choice you can. I also believe that there is
forgiveness for any sin, including ending the life of a child, if you ask
God for his loving forgiveness. We all make choices that we later wish we
had not so I am not trying to preach to you as a holier than thou that
hasn't sinned in my life many, many, many times. I just hope you will try
to save this baby's life if it is at all possible for you. I didn't believe
my doctors when they asked me to abort my children for my health's sake and
I am fine now. My children were also very high risk for birth defects and
are all fine also. They had a couple of tough times with health issues but
they are all healthy and happy at 15, 14, & 12 years old. God bless you
and good luck to you in whatever you decide. I would also like to make a
suggestion on a good book to read if you choose to end your pregnancy. I
was given a book called "I will hold you in heaven" after I
miscarried my 3rd child. It really helped me a lot to get through the
grieving process and it sounds like you are very torn over this so you may
grieve for some time over your choice if you need to make the one I pray
you will not need to make. It also discussed the loss of children though
abortion so I think it would be helpful to you. I will pray for you. Tina.
— tntwildlife77
April 12, 2004
Nikki,
I can not advise you on this very personal and heart-wrenching subject,
however I will pray that you get the answers you need. I don't think I
could ever have an abortion for any reason, however, no one knows for sure
until faced with the situation. Have you seen a high risk ob doctor?
Also, I would advise you to see a psychologist or counselor. You have so
many issue to deal with. I hope you are a praying lady. God can heal all.
If He leads you to it, He will lead you through it. Blessings,
— Carolyn B.
April 12, 2004
Nicole.....I'm so sorry that this situation has arose in your life. It's
tough and for anyone here to say what you should or should not do is wrong!
This really has to be you and your partner's choice while consulting with
doctors. I would say make sure you are well informed and that you get as
many opinions from doctors as you can. I don't think that people should
be giving their personal opinions whether abortion is right or wrong. You
have to know what's right for you. Hope that you find your answers. Best
of luck to you
— hawk4life
April 9, 2005
I know this is a year later. and very irrelivant. But she asked you not
to preach to her and you anti choice people decided to inadvertantly call
her a murderer. Really nice people. like she didn't have enough to worry
about without you people telling her the small mass of cells inside her
body was a baby and she shouldnt kill it.
— Adora218
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