Question:
After WLS, do tend to dicriminate against obese people or treat them diff
Do long term post-ops tend to view obese people differently? Do you find yourself recommending WLS to them? Or, are you sympathic with them? Once you are normal sized, will you or have you become "skinny snobs"?? — Jenn Ann M. (posted on September 8, 2001)
September 8, 2001
One thing you need to remember skinny or obese you are the same person
inside. If you were a snob then you will be now it does not change who you
are just because you lost weight. I think that the answer is yes to the
will you try to help others with obesity as you will always be obese
inside. That takes a long time to change. Will I ever forget what I looked
like before, never. Will I discriminate against obese people because I am
thinner no way. I have walked in the shoes of an obese person most of my
life. I feel that gives me the right to care about others in the same
situation. Unless you have walked in someone elses shoes in any instance
whether it be obesity, or some other disease you can not possibly know
where they are coming from. Those are things that are never erased from
your brain just because the scale says something different.
— Debbie S.
September 8, 2001
I will never, ever, discriminate against anyone, in any way, intentially. I
know what it feels like to be treated that way, and I have always made a
conscious effort to let others know that it is not ok to treat others that
way. I feel nothing but empathy towards anyone who has had to deal with any
bad treatment. We are all people, and we ALL deserve to be treated with
respect. Hopefully, those that lose all of their weight still remember what
it is like to be treated differently, so they can change the way others see
obese people by not allowing that kind of behavior.
— twenc
September 8, 2001
I have seen people who were once poor and now are wealthy change and snub
people who are very poor. They have forgotton they the were once poor too
-OR- they have chosen to forget it. I do not agree with the previous
writer. There is no way in the world that anyone can maintain the same
after surgery. We all become different in one way or another. Each
experience in our life changes us. Therefore we must accept and realize
that there will be a change. However, we have to make an effort in
determining HOW and in which manner that we will change.
— Jenn Ann M.
September 8, 2001
There are times when I wonder if I have become a skinny snob. While, I
don't feel that I discriminate against anyone, when I see someone that is
obese, I want to shout "YES!!! I will never be that big again." I
know this isn't very kind to think, but I am being truthful. I find that it
is easy to forget where I've been, and just blend into the crowd and feel
normal. When I hear a "fat" joke, I am not offended. In fact, I
am so thankful that it no longer pertains to me. I am not to the empathetic
stage yet. I am still focusing on me. Maybe, eventually I will become more
concerned about others, but right now I am sooo glad that I am no longer
obese. Everyone can say that things will not change and you will always
remember where you came from. But for me I am grateful to forget. I don't
mean for this answer to offend, but I thought that you wanted a balanced
perspective to your question and I wanted to be truthful. Anonymous for
obvious reasons...
— [Anonymous]
September 8, 2001
Even when I was fat I know that I treated other fat people differently, and
not in a nice way either. It was too close to home when I would watch their
behaviors, plates heaped with food, 4 dishes like that in front of them on
the table, 4 trips up to the buffet line, food stuffed into my puffed out
cheeks, taking food off the table to bring it home, huffing and puffing,
riding in the electric cart at the store because of being so fat, well, I
was so hard on them because I saw myself and it repulsed me. That is not to
say that I don't understand where they are coming from, it's just that I
was finally able to do something about it. And so now when I see a fat
person still in the bondage of their behavior or worse, in denial and
blaming their heredity or medical problems or their depression, etc. for
their obesity, I have to look away and thank God that it is not me any more
because I was chief amongst the sinners. I look at them and think that that
was me, that I did look that awful, and that I was always the object of
jokes and dirty looks. I have not forgotten what is was like to be
ostacized and ridiculed; and yet I am relieved that that doesn't happen any
more. It was always about my weight and now as a normal sized person people
do treat me differently and it is nice. I am not on any crusade to wipe out
prejudice against fat people, it is a losing battle and I am not willing to
take up the cause, never was before either. I finally came to believe that
the mistreatment and cruelty was how it was. it wasn't going to change and
to deal with it or do something about my weight. Period. So I do not feel
it is my mission to educate or inform anyone at all about surgical options
or to discuss my weight loss at all. People today are so annoying and
aggravating because they are so intrusive and obnoxious pestering me and
bothering me because they want to know how did you do it? and it is just
plain nosiness or gossip. They weren't interested to talk to me before or
only make comments about how fat I was so I brush them off or have made a
sharp remark to tell them my weight was none of their business before and I
can't believe that they are still so rude as to keep bringing it up and
what are their issues to them that they are so trashy and when are they
going to do something about their weight? I don't care about them and their
stupid feigned interest. They sure weren't interested in helping me before
or in my life before so now I am going to pour out my life? I don't think
so. If I sound like a snob, so be it. It is not to be judgemental but to
tell you how I feel. I would never be outwardly mean to anybody, I really
find that I just pity them and turn away. I guess I do understand why so
many people did have a bias and prejudice towards fat people, but I don't
let it get in my face. But I know that I would never consider dating a fat
man, period. Not interested. Please no flaming, this is my opinion and I am
answering a question to give another aspect. I do not identify myself with
the banner of Weight Loss Surgery, it was a means to an end, a treatment,
and that is all. I have tried to move on with my life. And it is so much
better now and I make no excuses for how I feel. I had this operation so
that I could lose weight and be thin. Period that is all, the only reason.
Sure all of my medical problems have gone away for the most part, but I
would rather have died from heart disease, hypertension, diabetes, or sleep
apnea as long as I was thin, than die as a healthy fat person that the
paramedics broke their backs to try to lift out of the house. I am not a
snob, I do not shun anyone, but I think it's about time that people take
some responsibility for their weight and stop whining and do something.
When I stopped whining and got an attitude that I was having this surgery
and noone was going to stop me so get out of my way, miraculously, I was
treated 100% differently and things happened. So to all of you pre-ops, get
going and don't give up. And to the post ops, celebrate your success.
— Fran B.
September 8, 2001
Hi Jenn Ann, this is an interesting question. I thought long and hard
about this in my the search that lead to my journey towards WLS. I have
spent years working on the REAL me, the heart, the mind and the soul.. and
getting past being so very worried about what other people were thinking of
me was a huge hurdle. After all of that time and feeling like I was truly
accepting and loving myself even at 350lbs, I stumble onto this website.
Go figure. I am who I am, at 350 or at 150.. no amount of weightloss can
chagne the life experiences that have made me who I am. Even now as a
preop when I see other MO people I want to ask them if they've ever heard
about WLS. I abhor judgemental people and I hope and pray that I will take
the things I have learned at this site and in other places and use them to
educate others. Some people are fully able to accept themselves no matter
what their size, I was fine with that until my health became an issue. I'm
rambling and hope this makes sense. There's no easy answer, but with every
ounce of my being I will guard against becoming a snob in ANY way! ~Peace!
— Joscelin
September 8, 2001
Well, I've read the other posts here and I feel like I'm "out of the
loop" here. . . I have heard SOOOO many people talk about how mean and
rude other people are or were toward them as an MO person. . . and how now
their interest on how we did it is intrusive and nosy and none of their
business. Well, I guess I just can't relate here, call me naive if you
want but I must say that me, myself and I were the hardest on me when it
came to my weight. Believe it or not, I do not have ONE memory of anyone
(stranger or friend or family or acquaintance) saying ANYTHING mean to me
about my weight. (Pre-op I weighed 297 at 5'4") I was always the one
it seemed to bother the most and if it did bother strangers in a restaurant
or something like that, I NEVER ever was subjected to a comment. But then
again, I wasn't refilling my plate 3 or 4 times at the buffet, etc. So,
thankfully for my own well-being, I do not have this open and blatant
hostility of "skinny" people. . . laughably,this seems to be
more of a problem for post-ops than their feelings toward other obese
people!! Why??? I agree with the other poster TOTALLY. . .this procedure
WILL and DOES change our lives, we will NOT be the same person on the
inside even, but the point is that WE are in control of who we become. .
.being thin has just as many challenges as being MO!!! And NOW we are
starting to experience THOSE too! It seems for many, it is harder to be
"sweet or polite or even NICE" as a skinny person! We are not
automatically "better" people because we triumphed over obesity
(with some big help from WLS!!!), so those that get high and mighty about
it really surprise and disappoint me. Again, I haven't had some of the
scathing remarks directed at them as others have, but. . .my point is, who
is really getting "hurt" by carrying all this hostility around
and flinging it at people that we think deserve it? You know, most
everyone here as a post op, thanks God, or some other form of Higher Being
for leading them to and through this procedure. . . I wonder if they stop
to think that it is only by encountering who/what we are NOT, that we
determine who we ARE. You can't know up without knowing down, can't know
left without right, can't know thin without fat. Maybe our lot in life,
this time around, was to walk a mile in an MO body, and be exposed to what
it is like, so we could have a better understanding of who we are and a
chance to DECLARE it by our actions now as a "normal" person.
Maybe this has been a "lesson in humility" so to speak. . .and
one that our "skinny" adversaries may experience in another time
themselves if they're not clued in yet. I see no need or benefit in
brushing people's inquiry aside. It may not be any of their business but
maybe some of us are here to help pave the way too, to show people that a
"real, normal person" does exist under the facade we call fat,
maybe they'll think next time before they throw out a mean remark to
someone else. . . maybe they have someone dear to them in their own family
or a friend that has a weight problem and THAT is why they ask how we did
it. Someone isn't gonna like me any less because I tell them I had
surgery!! In fact, whatever their reaction, WHO CARES? LOL!! I mean, I'm
happier and I'm proud of myself, why can't I share that? . . .and u just
never know whose life you can touch without even knowing it. Maybe an MO
person in the table next to me would overhear me telling my inquisitive
friend and go out that day and call her Dr!! You just never know so why
hide such a life transforming opportunity for someone else? Our actions
define ourselves, just because we may be "outnumbered" by
"mean spirited, nosy, normal" people, doesn't really mean I wanna
BE them! I feel sorry for people I see now that are MO, and part of me
wants to run up and tell them about this awesome surgery that I had, but. .
. I don't. Mostly because of all the posts I have read here . . . I am
scared someone would be greatly offended because they've been approached by
"not-so-well-meaning people" in the past. But if someone asks
me, I am more than willing to share my experience AND my secret!!! Who
knows whose life I may touch outside my own by my candor, but I do know
that it just feels better to ME! My final thought: if you are
"mean" to MO people once you reach your "goal". .
.maybe you should reevaluate your goal! You didn't learn a valuable life
lesson, so you may be doomed to repeat it. Blessings,
— ChristiMNB
September 8, 2001
I guess I'm about as different from Fran as you could be (no flame
intended, dear Fran). I have been carrying the banner for two years now.
I found that many people were truly interested in my miraculous progress
and I was certainly open to sharing the journey. Therefore many many
people have followed in my footsteps. I sometimes feel like the DS Johnny
Appleseed. Three people at work have had a DS, 2 of my foster parents (I
was a social worker), many of the agencies I work with call me about
Medicaid clients or a sister, brother, etc., my therapist has referred
several clients for me to talk to, my next door neighbor and college
roommate, my old girlfriend from upstate just had a consult, coworkers
husband, another's aunt, two people at the new job I started this summer
saw my old driver's license and have DS consults already, my therapist's
secretary is having the DS this Monday, my old supervisor's sister is
scheduled for surgery, my plastic surgeon sends people to talk to me (I
could go on) and people write me from posting on this board and other email
groups several times a week. Why? Because I am so grateful to have found
a permanent solution to my 25 year battle with morbid obesity that I want
to share it with any other MO person who could benefit. I don't undertand
the point that "people have to take responsibility for their
obesity". Since we all are here because we know that the other
options do not work, how can they take responsibility if they don't have
the information that something (WLS & IMHO the DS inparticular)
actually does work. That's all I want to do for other MO people -- and
make no mistake, I KNOW they are me and I am grateful that I will always
have the awareness that I am MO in my soul and lifelong sensitivity to this
issue. The only reason I suffered for 25 years was that I didn't know.
Many of the people who have expressed interest and shared my journey did
not rush into surgery when I had lost 50 lbs, but by the time I had lost
150 lbs, noone could deny that it works. At 180 lbs down, without a
problem in the world (well there's still death and taxes) and a fabulous
quality of eating, I'm the leader of the band and nothing gives me more
pleasure than to help another across to get switched (that's what Duodenal
Switch patients say instead of "the other side"). At my new job
a few months ago, I was very distressed to see my new Director addressing
our group. Easily 400 lbs, I could see him struggling to his feet, eyeing
which chair might fit him when he had to move down from the podium seat. I
KNEW HIS DAY TO DAY, MINUTE BY MINUTE STRUGGLES. I knew I would never have
the opportunity to discuss my success with him, as he only knows me as a 25
BMI woman. It did not take me long however to share my story with an Ass't
Dir. who knew me when, and she asked if I give her information for him! Of
the many people I've referred for surgery, only two seem to have been
unable to benefit (at least as yet) and I do admit to feeling irritated
with them. In both cases they are women who are super morbidly obese with
many serious co-morbidities. Perhaps they've lived so close to death for
so long that they are permanently in denial to deal with their probable
early demise. Very sad that they are unable to process the information.
Most people can, so my self-appointed job is a joy.
By the way, I'm 23 months post now and just lost HALF MY BODY WEIGHT --
180LBS. Literally half the woman I was. Does it get any better than this?
— Jill L.
September 8, 2001
I was just talking about this to my husband. We had been to
6 Flags and I really seem to notice alot of MO people. I
think before surgery, I used to compare myself to them and
comfort myself (in a delusion, by the way) that at least I
wasn't THAT big. Now, I oftentimes still think I AM that big,
although I am down 139 pounds from 280 to 141. I now look
at them and wonder how I ever did a day at an amusement park
and how are they doing it. I think how I would love to hand
out my surgeon's business cards, but I wouldn't want to offend
anyone. I feel compassion, not contempt nor snobbery. I
just know, like other posters, I still thank God daily that
it isn't me anymore.
— M B.
September 9, 2001
I would never and have never been mean to obese people since my surgery,
and ANYONE who does after the fat, are pretty shallow. Having surgery
doesn't mean that down the road , after the "honeymoon" period is
over, that you can't gain weight back. For anyone that had been obese to
make fun of others, is like forgetting how miserable you were, what had
brought you to get surgery. You can't look at fat people and
automatiacally presume you know how they feel, and what they eat. So to
treat them mean or harsh or different, is just plain discrimination. IF
treating fat folks differently is ok to any of you,, then I doubt you have
a problem using racist names, because babes, it'a all the same,
discrimation. Shame on anyone of use post ops, that wouldn't show sympathy
towards a heavy person. Remember you were obnce that person!
— [Anonymous]
September 9, 2001
Thank you for asking this question. I have just begun to struggle with this
issue. I was not obese most of my life like many here, but have been
dealing with it for about the past 10 years. I have gone through phases in
my life when I felt the same about MO people as the rest of society. It
wasn't until long term use of steroids for a severe asthma problem made me
gain 120 pounds that I realized how difficult life is for the MO. I have
been one of the fortunate few who has not had to deal with rude and
insensitive comments or stares, etc. I've been relatively successful in
life and have not had the hatred of my body that many have. However, once I
realized that I was going to die from my obesity-related
illnesses,(diabetes, asthma, bone loss, etc., etc.) I was blessed with
learning about WLS. I knew I needed this surgery, but I still had not come
to grips with the fact that I was MO. I kept telling everyone about the
surgery, but that I was having it to get rid of my diabetes, not because of
the weight. I was still in some sort of denial, I guess. It wasn't until
after my RNY that I began to realize how big I really was. That is when I
started to have lots of problems whenever I saw other MO people. Whenever I
saw an obese person, all these feelings of anger, and yes, even hatred were
surfacing. I was a basket case! I didn't want to feel that way, but here it
was. I didn't know what to do. My therapist has been great about helping me
to realize that I was projecting my feelings about myself onto others. I
was seeing myself in them for the first time. I was finally realizing how
I'd felt about myself all the time I was MO. Since that time, my therapist
has helped me realize it wasn't about them, it was about me and my feelings
toward my own obesity. This is helping me to develop more compassion toward
other MO people. I have never been openly rude or hostile toward others,
and I don't think I ever treated them differently, but I was so ashamed and
embarrased about my feelings toward them that I would cry. I didn't want to
be a "snob" now that I was much thinner and healthier. I think
today that I have more compassion for MO people because I went through that
phase. My therapist suggested saying a little prayer for others rather than
focusing on their weight. Now when I see another obese person, rather than
contempt, I think, "please let them find peace in whatever way they
choose to deal with their obesity, and thank you for letting me find the
right solution for myself." I hope that this long rambling has not
offended anyone, as I really never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I
have been having such a tough time dealing with this particular issue.
Please pray that I will not EVER lose my compassion for anyone. I am still
struggling with this on occasion, but I'm making big progress. Thank you
for giving me the opportunity to express myself. Only the people on this
board could possibly understand what I'm going through. Peace. Maria
— Maria H.
September 9, 2001
I'm down 130#, but I'm still between 205 and 210, so I can't claim to be
one of the skinnies and probably never will. My attitude towards the MO's
has changed a little; now that I know how much better physically I am,
there are times I'm almost in tears when I see someone struggling onto a
bus, or having to stop every few feet when shopping, or feet and legs so
painfully swollen they bulge out over the tops of shoes. I'm not to the
point of going up to complete strangers and give them my surgeon's card,
but I do carry a supply with me just in case someone asks when we do
discuss weight issues. I've had to replenish my supply a couple times in
the past year since my surgery. I also loan out copies of the 3-ring
binder of information I've collected about WLS. Will I ever look with
disgust at someone weighing 500#, even if they are taking their 3rd plate
from the buffet? NEVER. Instead I reserve my distain for those who do
make nasty comments or jokes about fat people or skinny people for that
matter.
— L. E. S.
September 10, 2001
I'm going to be honest....not politically correct. I had any open
rny over three years ago and came down from a size 34's to a
size 14/16. I had been fat all my life and suffered throug all
the teasing, cruelty, etc. etc. etc. All of my friends were fat and
I'd never had a relationship with a man. Initially. I was so thrilled
with my new body and my new life that I recommended wls to friends
and was always open about it. I really wanted to educate people about it.
I had a lot of empathy with fat people. But, as time goes on....I find
that my attitude has changed. I'm not a "skinny snob". but, I
realize that
I don't have much in common with my fat friends. I don't eat the way they
eat,
we don't shop in the same stores, I don't hate skinny women, I'm
comfortable
in clubs and at dances that I would never have gone to in my fat days. I
really
don't want to "hang" with my fat friends anymore...I'm not like
them. Yet, I don't
want to hurt them. I don't know why more MO people don't have wls, and I
find that
I'm less tolerant. I also notice that I tend to "show off" when
I'm around MO people.
It's mean and disgusting...I don't know why I do it. Perhaps, I'm adjusting
to finally
having the life I always wanted. Perhaps, I'm going through a phase that
will pass.
— [Anonymous]
September 10, 2001
MARIA: I sure can associate with seeing myself in others who are MO now...
I don't think I had an accurate portrait of myself as being MO when I was.
I don't really have strong negative emotions that come up when I meet
people who are MO, I think in part because I haven't been MO for most of my
life (although I have been obese for a lot of my adult years) and I never
really considered myself MO and therefore wasn't really sensitive to
other's disdain/prejudice to any great degree. I always assumed my
'sparkling personality' would shine through and win people over -- ROFL. I
did notice that I 'crossed a line' when I became MO (about two years ago
after the birth of my son). Previously I was within somewhat 'acceptable
limits' although I was large. When I became MO I sort of became invisible.
Strange because I was physically more noticable but people didn't give me
the time of day. How do I treat MO people now? I am empathetic and
friendly. I can feel for them and realize there aren't any 'easy answers'
(to me surgery isn't an easy answer since it can carry such risk even
though it is successful). I know what worked for me and thank God that I
found this solution. I have always discussed my surgery very openly with
everyone and wouldn't hesitate to share my story with those who are MO, but
I don't find myself automatically going up to them and bringing it up in
conversation. I think that MO IS a complex DISEASE, DOES involve genetic
components as well as behavior and emotions, ISN'T simply due to going back
four times to a buffet (I NEVEr even went to buffets and ordered one entree
when I went out for dinner LOL). Fat discrimination IS a major issue that
NEEDS TO BE CHANGED in this society. Not only out of concern for those who
are 'fat' but for young children who feel they must starve themselves in
order to be atractive. This kind of bias starts very easily at those who
are 400 lbs, etc. -- but isn't just limited to the most obese of the obese.
Many healthy people feel that they are not thin or attractive enough or if
they did lose weight their lives would suddenly be enjoyable and filled
with glamour. The flipside to fat prejudice is glorification of the thin
and BOTH are unhealthy and linked in an intricate way. I don't think I'll
change things overnight but I do think it is a fact that people come in
different shapes and sizes --- Not everyone has the bone structure of a
model (I certainly don't) no matter how much weight is lost. NOt everyone
is extremely athletic or enjoys vigorous workouts (this is not to say that
people should be couch potatoes but moderate exercise is something I really
enjoy -- spending hours in the gym does not interest me). Some people have
big feet (gasp)! LOL Some people have beautiful faces no matter what
their weight. Some people are pretty (and this applies whether they are
thin or fat) while others are not (so what?). People should feel confident
about themselves and are worthy no matter what they weigh or look like.
The fact that someone is honest, dependable, has a great sense of humor,
etc. should be appreciated whether one is 300 lbs, if one doesn't meet the
current standards of beauty, if one is wheelchair-bound or has black skin.
The application of negative mental/personality traits to obesity is what
really bothers me and I think is totally unjustified. It obviously doesn't
apply to everyone (that every fat person is a slob, is gluttonous, unable
to 'control' oneself, antisocial, shy or boring, lacking confidence,
sexuality or beauty) simply based on their weight. Like Maria, I secretly
wish that those who are struggling with MO do find the path to physical
health and are comfortable with themselves. I wouldn't hesitate to talk
about my surgery with anyone who asks and sometimes I DO want to shout it
out -- 'hey, look at me! I used to be like that! There's a solution and
it WORKS!' but I know that people really have to be ready for the surgery
in order for it to be effective. They have to be inquisitive and desire a
change in order to see my example as an opportunity for themselves. All
the best, (laparoscopic BPD/DS, January 25, 2001, 86 lbs lost!),
— Teresa N.
September 10, 2001
wow...this is an emotionally charged subject. Good question. I agree with
everybody! Yes...there are people who ask me about my weight loss for all
the wrong reasons, and I don't want to share with them my personal, private
struggles. Some, certainly, would use it against me. I am a professional
woman in a male dominated field where the competition is cut-throat. I
think this makes a difference in who I tell and who I don't tell. If I
sense that the person is interested because they are themselves struggling
with obesity or have a family member who is, yes...I want to tell them all
about it. When obese people at work have confided their struggles with
weight, I am quick to point them to this site and to other resources where
they can begin to learn about wls. They nosey gossip on the corner,
however, sorry. This is none of her business. Do I discriminate against
the obese? Absolutely not. In fact, my heart breaks everytime I see a mo
person struggling to fit into a skinny world. It's true however, that I
see very few fat people downtown during the work day. Professional firms
won't hire them. If you become obese after you are hired, you will, most
likely be drummed out, or just made so miserable that you decide to leave
on your own. Those who responded who said that they had never experienced
discrimination must not work in the corporate world or in male dominated
professions. It's a fact of life that human society discriminates. Whether
it is fat people, gay people, dark skinned people, or short people,
"society" is always looking to elevate their position by being
"better" than someone else, and the obese are such an easy
target. Sometimes I am really ashamed to be part of the human race. Dogs
are much nicer. My dog loved me just as much when I was heavier. Maybe
even more, as I was always trying to lose and took him for longer walks in
the evenings!
— Anne G.
September 10, 2001
Good question. Right now, one of my biggest problems is trying to re-learn
how I self-identify. I used to call myself "fat" and had no fear
of the word, because that was the truth; I was fat. And people would say to
me, "Don't call yourself fat," to which I would remind them that,
if they had never seen me and I described myself without the
"offensive" word, they'd be looking for Lana Turner and would not
find me in a crowd.
<P>
Now, I'm completely normal. I'm not exactly "thin" (5'4" and
size 12), but I'm definitely not fat. However, at the age of 30, I've been
overweight 29 years, obese for 25, and morbidly obese for 10. I do not
identify as, or with, normal-sized people. Not yet, anyway. People who knew
me before WLS don't have a real problem with my occasional self-reference
to fatness. Old habits die hard. But for people I've just met, through
support groups or whatever...I try really hard to watch my tongue. I keep
remembering my (thankfully) former sister-in-law, who was maybe a size 3,
asking me if she looked "fat" in whatever little
<i>thang</i> she was wearing that day, and how irritated I got
at that. To me, there is nothing that a single-digit size person can wear
to make them look fat. Please. But as I approach those coveted single-digit
sizes, I find myself more aware of my slips, when I make them. My daughter
and I were looking at Halloween costumes yesterday, and she showed me a
"big and beautiful" one--so I said, "Sorry, honey, I don't
need a size that big"--while simultaneously noticing an MO woman in
easy earshot--and quickly tacked on "--any more." I have no idea
if that woman even heard what I said, much less whether or not she cared.
But I'm painfully aware of how some offhand comment I make might be
construed. So that's changed.
<P>Like some of the other posters, I do think about how much WLS
might benefit someone who is MO when I see an MO person, but also like most
of the posters, I don't run right up to them and start Preaching the WLS
Gospel. If the topic comes up, I'll discuss it, but I don't bring it up
myself. Personally, I get really offended when (for example) some religious
person comes up to me, or to my door, and begins preaching to me. If I want
to know, I'll ask. I see WLS kind of the same way.
<P>Otherwise, no. I don't treat MOs any differently now in my size 12
jeans and medium tops than I did in my size 26 jeans and 4X tops.
<I>My<I/> weight loss hasn't changed <i>them</>
any, so why treat them, or see them, differently? I asked my best friend,
an MO man, to slap me around some if he ever saw me turning into a
"skinny bitch" (my words). I saw him for the first time in months
just last week, and he said that he was glad to see I'm most definitely
<i>not</i> a "skinny bitch" at this point--though he
also pointed out that hearing me speak about fatness as if I were fat seems
odd to him. I've had 30 years to accustom myself to being fat; it's going
to take a while to get used to being normal.
<P>Hope you find this mega-ramble of some use... ;^)
— Suzanne B.
September 10, 2001
WOW, YOU HIT A VEIN :)
— Tica G.
October 26, 2001
My experience is that once I learned compassion for myself, including the
complexity of obesity,
I learned compassion for others. I do not believe I was deficient in
compassion for others before the
surgery, but I have serious struggles with intrusive memories, particularly
abuse related to weight,
and my journey of compassion is intimately related to lifetime
"management" of post traumatic stress disorder.
In short, my own struggles have made me a better person and I would never
hurt another person because of
their weight.
— KariAnn
February 23, 2002
I feel for those post-ops who downgrade other MORBIDLY OBESE PEOPLE. ALWAYS
REMEBER WHERE U CAME FROM - what bothers me is when i see postings
like""i dont know how THEY(MO FOLKS) are walking round"
DIDN'T U WALK AROUND WHEN U WERE MO? OR DID U COMPLETLY FORGET?? I GUESS IF
YOUR PERSONALITY BEFORE SURGERY WAS bad then AFTER SURGERY U WILL JUST BE A
littler bitch.
— [Anonymous]
February 24, 2002
— Lynn T.
February 24, 2002
I just wanted to tell Lynn that her answer was a great one.
Love,
Donna in AL
— Donna S. C.
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