Question:
Have you Thought About Wrting Letter To Your Loved Ones?
I am filing again for the surgery when our new insurance goes in affect in a week or so. I am still thinking deeply about this and whether I should do this or not. There are days when I just KNOW that this is the right thing to do and what I will benefit from it and then there are other days that I am just scared to death of what the ramifications of this could be if something did not go right. Did any of you write ur husbands and kids a letter or family members or friends in case something did happen? When I think about doing that I get sick to my stomach when I think there might be a chance, even though small, that I might not come home to my wonderful children and husband. Did ya'll feel the same way when writing them and how did you get past that? Thanks? — dixieb (posted on September 24, 2002)
September 24, 2002
I knew I was going to be alright. But just in case I wrote letters to my
Son, Husband and my Mom. It took me several hours of crying to write each
of them. And I laid them on my table and told my husband if anything were
to happen to give my Mom hers. Read his. And then on the years, and special
times read my Sons to him. Well I nade it, and my husband the stinker read
his anyways. And he came to the hopital in tears, he said I was glad I did
the surgery, and he was ready for our new life together to start. It was so
hard to write those letters. And it made me realize even more how bad I
needed this surgery, so I would actually live to enjoy, life and all it has
to offer. If you were not afraid I would be worried for you. Every surgery
is scary, and they all have complications. The mortality rate of this
surgery, is really no different than any other. Relax, write your letters
of love, and then read it to your loved ones when you get home. I wish you
all the luck and love in the world!!
— nkoehler88
September 24, 2002
Actually, I did just this before my Sept. 12 surgery. I wrote a letter
specifically for my husband and a separate one for our 9 yo son. On the day
of surgery, when they were getting the IV port in, etc., dh and ds left to
go catch breakfast. At that time I gave the letters (in envelopes) and
asked that they be given to my loved ones in case I died. A day before my
release from the hospital, a nurse asked me if I wanted the letters back.
She gave them to me, no problem. I felt better knowing that ALL sides were
covered. I couldn't have left them without saying goodbye.
— Kathy B.
September 24, 2002
I thought long and hard before writing "goodbye" type letters.
After thinking a while I finally decided to write just love letters, of
positive thoughts, of good memories, and filled with admiration. I wrote
about the things I liked about my spouse and my son, pride in my son's
recent high school graduation and hopes for my son's future, his impending
college education. I told my husband how much his love and unending
support meant to me. It was not a "goodbye" type letter, instead
it was a love letter of positive things. I also wrote about the surgery and
how much it meant to me, no matter what the outcome, that I had to try or
die trying, but that I had every confidence in a happy outcome and I
thanked them all for their support and well wishes.
I gave one love letter to my husband and one to my son the morning before
surgery and told them to read them while I was in surgery. They were both
deeply moved.
I also wrote one very serious letter, "in case I die", type
letter", outlining my accounts, my wishes for funeral, my business
matters and other necessary things about work benefits, etc, that my
husband must know. But I kept this separate, in a sealed envelope, in our
lockbox and told my husband to open it in case I should pass away. It was
strictly a business type letter, no sentimentality. I saved the
sentimental stuff for my positive letters of love.
I was very happy that I did this. It is important to tell your loved ones
how much you love them! My husband treasures his letter and my teenage son
was in tears when he read his... I had never seen him that touched before.
Regards,
— C. C.
September 24, 2002
I have started a journal. I told my husband that he can read it during
surgery. It will be filled with my fondest memories of our life together,
and also with the happiness, and hope that I have for the outcome of my
surgery. At the very end of it, I am going to seal 3 letters which will
have my goodbyes, my husbands, daughters, and moms, but they are not to be
opened unless... This will be a hard time for my family already, and I
wouldn't want to give them anything to make it any harder on them unless it
has to be, so the journal will be a happy one to hopefully keep them
preocupied while I am in surgery.
— katmamma1975
September 24, 2002
I wrote a group and hid it at home. Made my surgeon promise he would tell
jen where they were hidden if I didnt make it the morning of surgery. Got
rid of them after surgery. Had final instructions and all. Gee did I ever
waste a LOT of energy and time worrying... I WISH I could of seen just one
glimpse of post op life. Nothing to be scared of unless I hadnt had
surgery. Take a deep breath and try to RELAX. Its not bad like you think!
POST OP IS THE PLACE TO BE!!
— bob-haller
September 24, 2002
Dottie, I did write the letters to my family members and I hid them in a
desk drawer and told my sister where they were just in case. I cried my
eyes out the whole time I wrote them. My husband also requested that I have
my own funeral plans written out so I did that also....TERRIBLE!
But I know that would have been of great help to him just in case because
he would be to overwhelmed with grief and dealing with our sons. It is
somethig each person must decide on their own. Good Luck!
— Lynda T.
September 25, 2002
I wrote a letter to my husband and hid it in my underwear drawer. I told
my sister to tell him it was there if anything happened to me. Of course
nothing did, but I felt better letting him know I loved him and warning him
that if he had an open casket for me I would haunt him every day for the
rest of his life!!
— Mary U.
September 25, 2002
I wrote individual letters to each one of my children and husband. I put
them in our Bible at home and told my husband about the letters and where
to find them if something happened. I told him as they wheeled me into
surgery. It was one of the hardest things to do. I wrote them the night
before surgery and I sat and cried my eyes out. It seemed so final, but
everything thank you dear lord worked out great and I was only in surgery 1
1/2 hours so the wait was not too bad. I think that you will feel much
calmer if you write the letters. Just try to relax and think positive and
all will work out. Best of luck in whichever choice you make.
— Robin B.
September 25, 2002
I thought about writing one, but decided against it because it ran against
the positive attitude that I was taking into surgery. I knew that I was
going to make it through surgery with flying colors and have an uneventful
recovery. Writing such letters would have put some doubt into my mind. I
didn't want that...JR
— John Rushton
September 25, 2002
Instead of writing a letter, have you thought of making a video tape? You
can make one for each one of your family members explaining why you had
surgery and how much you love them. I think it's a wonderful thing to do.
That way, in a year you can watch it and see how great you look!
— Sarah K.
September 25, 2002
I am pre-op and I have done this...and sobbed for days and days...it was a
real downer. I have 4 months til surgery and I am glad I did it now
instead of waiting until right before surgery...I would have been a
depressed, nervous wreck if I waited til right before. I think it's an
important thing to do...not just for WLS patients, but for anyone...after
all...we never know when our time will come and just think how those
letters will comfort our loved ones when we are gone.
— Amy S.
September 26, 2002
I wrote one for my husband and 1 to each of my three kids. It was extremely
difficult but I wanted them to know why I did what I did and to tell them
how much I love them. It made me feel better. I didnt tell anyone I wrote
them but I left them in a place that would easily be found. I still have
them there.
— Maureen P.
October 1, 2002
I also wrote letters to each of my parents and to my husband. Part of the
incentive for me to write was that my husband and I have only been married
for 3 1/2 years. He and I had talked about what I would want "in
case". I wrote say those last few things that I should say and also
to let them know that my hubbie did know what I wanted, in order to make
things easier for him, "just in case". Of course everything went
fine and the letters weren't needed, but they were good to write. I
wouldn't write books, but I a page or two each is valuable. GI's often do
this when in dangerous situations. There's nothing wrong with being
prepared, and it doesn't mean that you have a bad attitude or are expecting
everything to go wrong. Do what you think is best.
— Jenni K.
October 1, 2002
I started writing letters and then I read somewhere on this site: Would
you write your family a letter if you were having your gall bladder out?
If so, write. If not, it's not necessary.
— Dana S.
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